Dublin
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| |
| Motto: Up the Dubs! Let's drink! | |
| County | Co. Dublin |
| Nickname | Da big smoke |
| Population | 500,000 to 660,000 |
| Ethnic Groups | Irish, Wiggers, The Gays |
- Were you looking for Galway? Take the M4 and then head down the N6.
“I don't understand the question.”
~ Oscar Wilde on being asked his favourite thing about Dublin
Dublin is the largest city in Ireland (when you count the population during business hours and include foreigners) and the capital city and as such its residents have over-inflated egos despite the fact that Dublin is generally regarded as an inhabited landfill. This is similar to Cork leading Dublin to get the nickname "Cork of the East". The city is located on the east coast of Ireland at the mouth of the River Liffey. The city is divided by the river into the northside (the poor side) and the southside (the useless side). The Dublin area has been a centre of power, commerce and culturelessness throughout the ages - sometimes even for the Irish. In a 2003 survey by the BBC, Dublin was the best capital city in Europe to live in, in the homeless drunks section, whereas the the Monopoly World Edition had five other capital cities in Europe (including Kyiv from the Ukraine) that received more votes than Dublin. Dublin was nominated to replace the jail square on the board but this was declined as it was feared people would riot when they tried to use the "Get out of Dublin Free" cards and were refused. Modern Present day Dublin is wracked with problems of infrastructure, out-dated buildings, homelessness, 15 year old single mothers and an overabundance of grey (in the skies and around the city).
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[edit] Name
The name Dublin comes from the English word Dubbing - it was changed when Ireland got its independence from the UK to reaffirm the fact that the Irish are not English. "Dubbing" refers to the pirate works abundant in the town, from the historical Book of Kells right up to the present day markets that are rife with pirated DVDs. The term Dubliner refers to a local and should not be confused with The Dubliners (who were a band from Dublin that appropriately enough copied most of Eric Bogle's songs).
[edit] Demographics
Dublin is the largest city in Ireland and has a population of people. The population cannot be given too specifically as what is considered "Dublin" is varied a fair bit. If you were too ask a Dubliner then you would count everybody in Co. Dublin as well as parts of Wicklow. If you were to ask anybody else they'd say only Dublin counts as "Dublin".
For centuries Dublin has been a centre for immigration into Ireland from the aggressive immigration of the Vikings, Normans and English, to the Chinese immigration to the United States (which took a wrong turn) and right up to the Polish immigration of the present (part of the Polish Wolrd Domination Plans). This influx of foreigners means that the majority of people in Dublin aren't Irish but Anglo-Normo-Chino-Pol-Irish.
Anyone in Dublin who lives on the north side of the river is a dangerous drug dealer. This is a well known fact among all Irish people. This has even become an unwritten rule among civilised people, that to cross the river is suicide; unless going to the theatre. D4s have petitioned for all the theatres on the north side (e.g. The Abbey and The Ambassador) to be moved to Donnybrook but this has been delayed by the local chavs. They have formed a ring of broken syringes in recent years around all of the cultural landmarks that only scumbags can get through.
[edit] Culture
This Heading has been nominated for deletion as it is miss leading. It is proposed to move this section to how Dubliners justify there big headedness
Dubliners are pleased to point out that Dublin has been the birthplace of William Butler Yeats, George Bernard Shaw, Samuel Beckett, Jonathan Swift and Oscar Wilde - none of whom would point that out themselves.
“I would never point out that I'm from Dublin”
The only claim to "culture" that Dublin has is the recently erected spire. In reality, it was constructed to prevent UFOs from invading Ireland. The taoiseach had received a threat from the clingon empire earlier that week and had thus ordered this defence measure. Many Dubliners deny any knowledge of the Anti-UFO Defensive qualities of the the Spire and will instead try to justify it's existence as a piece of 'art'. This story tends to fall apart once you question said person on 'who commissioned the piece' and 'exactly what it's about'. Dublin also has the worlds largest selection of limbless prostitutes. These women (mainly Mulvainians) have sweet fuck all limbs.
For modern Dublin culture see Boyzone.
[edit] Temple Bar
Temple Bar is the vomit capital of Europe and has more British stag night revellers per square peg than any other city. It got its name from Shirley Temple, a Birmingham goddess who lost her virginity to George Friedrich Handel in Burdocks chip shop in 1749. Temple Bar was popular with prostitutes until Irish independence was declared in 1922 and they all moved up to Kildare Street for the Prostitute's Parliament (aka Dail Eireann). Guinness is pumped in directly to Temple Bar by a huge pipeline from the brewery while excrement and vomit are pumped out along a massive sewer called the M50 as far as Tallaght. Temple Bar was frequented by former Taoiseach Charles Haughey and his mistress Teasy Keane until a freak riding accident in the mid 1980s.
[edit] Twin City
In 1989, Dublin was pleased to accept the twinnig with Bunclody, a small but deadly town in Co. Wexford. Since that momentous occasion, Dublin has become a suburb of Bunclody, with over 660,000 people commuting every day to work in Laney Meats, the local meat factory.
