Duct tape
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“Silence is golden, duct tape is silver coincidence, I think NOT!â€
Duct Tape is the preferred material for Tuxedo construction. It is also a mystical force with a light side and a dark side. It is said to bind the Universe together, and this, combined with the moral duality of the substance, has made it a coveted object of power and worship among several religions, including the Druids(otherwise known as Jedi.) In fact, the bible states that on the third day, God invented Duct Tape.
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[edit] The Duc(k)t Tape Conspiracy
Duct tape is, obviously, made of ducks. Only an idiot would say it's not. However, nobody is completely sure just how the factoris make it. Some say that after the cute little duckies hatch they are ground into powder, which is mixed with water and forms a glue. Others say they don't know. Whatever the method, duct tape is made of ducks. They also say that this tape has magical duck powers. This has not yet been proven.
[edit] Modern Times
In modern times, Duct Tape has gained a cult following, led by a charismatic and enigmatic prophet known as Red Green. "Uncle Red" broadcasts his sermons and lectures from Possum Lodge on CBC or your local PBS channel. Cult followers believe that The Universe As We Know It will end sometime during half-time at Super Bowl LXIX when Duct Tape will lose its adhesive qualities, causing all matter to rust and fall apart. This is because the strong nuclear force, which holds nuclei together, is actually duct tape on a sub-atomic level. New, as-yet-unknown physical laws will thereafter come into effect in the Universe. The acolytes of the cult of Duct Tape are constantly at war with those who worship Gaffer Tape, and Duct Tape/Gaffer Tape battles are now a serious hazard in all major cities in Europe and North America. This caused the passing of laws in all 50 states prohibitiing the sale of both types of tapes together at any store. Which in turn brought on the tragic Home Depot / Lowes riots of 2003.
[edit] Trivia
The opposite of Duct Tape is WD-40. Don't use them at once or they'll cancel each other out!
In Norway, Duct Tape is used as a method for super-heating goats to purify them before eating. This method was invented in 50 B.C. by Gnarph Kakrharkar, the most evil demonic overlord that the world had ever seen (or at least that Norway has ever seen). Incidentally, the aforesaid Gnarph Kakrharkar was also famous for the supernatural feat of single-handedly carving out the Norwegian fjords with his left knee. Duct Tape is also the most essential weapon in the game Doom 3. It is the prime item to constrain n00bs.
An object's structural integrity is directly proportional to the amount of Duct Tape incorporated into its design.
They tested duct tape against many other tapes, and duct tape was the only one that couldn't fix ducts.
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Diamond is actually made of super-concentrated duct tape.
[edit] Famous Promoters of Duct Tape
The great MacGyver
The Universe
The Us Government
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