Duke Nukem
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“In Soviet Russia, naked girls infest YOU!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Duke Nukem
“One whom crosses Duke Nukem is comparable to one whom is dead.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Duke Nukem
“Come get some!”
~ Duke Nukem on opening a new McDonald's restaurant
“It's time to abort your whole freakin' species!!!”
~ Duke Nukem on his views on abortion
“This should bring on a visit to the dentist!”
~ Duke Nukem on Vending machines
“He's the only man to have more steel in his balls than me.”
~ Daniel Craig on Duke Nukem
“Eh.”
~ Chuck Norris on Duke Nukem
His Grace, Ralph Cholomondely-Featherstonebaugh, first Duke of Nukem (1696 - 1753), was the only man in first-person shooter history to ever shit in more than 1,000,000,000 enemies' throats per minute and never give a single fuck about it. This man would have Chuck Norris look like a freaking 10-year-old sissy with a lollypop and make Arnold Schwartzenegger feel like Sailor moon. He was also known to have survived a 45 year sequestration in a city completely overrun by alien invaders, presumably living off mostly lead, freezing-shrinking rays, grenades and naked women.
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[edit] Cash for Peerages Scandal
The Duke of Nukem has recently been implicated in the Blair government's cash-for-peerages scandal. He is believed to have given a loan of £50,000 to New Labour in return for being ennobled. Tony Blair has said of the controversy:
"Bitches shall not mess with the Duke, lest he bout ta take yo Duke and Nukem...yeah he gonna Nukem all."
Experts have yet to decipher the meaning of this British-Afro-American mix of nonsense words. Some have translated it to mean something to the effect of "Duke Nukem pwns ass."
[edit] Duke Nukem's self help program
After a long argument with a female on a vent, Duke decided to approach the matter in a more educational manner...publicly, helping those who are lost and face large psychological barricades in life. This led to his new idea, a self help program for females on the Internet.
[edit] Trivia
- Duke Nukem was 2nd on the Rolling Stones "500 Baddest Motherfuckers of all time" following Chuck Norris tied with Mr T.
- Duke Nukem was bunk buddies with DOOM's Sarge at Shoot'em up University in 1992.
- Duke Nukem watches Friends when he finishes with the bad guys.
- Wrote and published bestselling book of 1993: "Why I'm So Great."
- Guest Starred in Ninja Gaiden 2
- Duke Nukem invented the modern way of cussing (Thank god)
- The Duke's favorite pass-time is kicking ass and chewing bubble gum
- If he is all out of gum, he just kicks ass; especially when those alien sons of bitches shoot up his ride!
- He has balls of steel.
