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“Worst QB to ever play in a Super Bowl...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Dumbo

Dumbo The Elephant (Born Charles C. Montgomery III in 1945) is a Walt Disney character famous for his witty (and sometimes vulgar) insults regarding race and/or sex. He is also known for his lack of respect for his elders and family members. He was once caught on tape calling his mother a "Dirty Kraut." This sparked tension between him and the German media eventually leading to his 5 attempted suicides. After years of therapy, though, Dumbo was able to get his life back on track and fulfill his dream, becoming a movie star. And dumbo has the amazing abitiy to kill grues (though not of the russian variety)

Dumbo in his early years insulting a blind black woman.

[edit] Career

[edit] Silver Screen

Dumbo did not find theatrical success immediately. He found his first break when landing the starring role in the critically acclaimed beastiality film I Heart Huckabees. He then won "Best Pakaderm in a Lead Role" at the 253rd annual Academy Awards, but after calling Oprah Winfrey a "Porch Monkey" in his acceptance speach, he was boo'd off the stage and had his "Oscar" stripped from him by the Academy.

After being voted Most Hateful Elephant Since Sally Struthers by Maxim Magazine, his fan base decreased drastically. Dumbo's film career never recovered from the negative press.

[edit] Post-Silver Screen

When Dumbo gave up on his acting career, he tried many different money-making schemes. Dumbo's odd-jobs included:

Amateur Ball Washer

ESPN Hockey Analyst

Pornographic Film Castodian

Starting Quarterback for the Oakland Raiders

None of the ventures were suited for Dumbo, though. Dumbo then decided to take another shot at fame.

[edit] Stand-Up Career

[edit] Dumbo's Epiphany

Dumbo had the idea to become a stand-up comedian when receiving exceptionally large amounts of laughter when delivering racial slurs to Eddie Murphy's less-successful (and more flambuoyant) brother Charlie Murphy when attending a recording of Chappelle's Show: No Dave, No Ratings. Dumbo was banned from the studio, but Dumbo realized the potential his ability to degrade people based on uncontrollable circumstances gave to his career.

[edit] Success

Dumbo gained new-found popularity when participating in the Comedy Central Roast of Kobe Bryant. He made numerous comments regarding Bryant's involvement in the African American community and a large amount of comments regarding Bryant's alleged rape of an ugly whore. After the Roast, Dumbo appeared on many episodes of Premium Blend and Comedy Central Presents. When the producers noticed the elevated ratings when his stand-up was aired, NBC offered him a 5-hour special aired on every NBC-affiliated network. Since Dumbo was accostomed to 30 minute sets, he just repeated the "N Word" 3,340 times. The ratings were the largest in NBC history since the fat guy from NYPD Blue showed his repulsive back-side.

[edit] Legendary Status

Dumbo after the Vaginitis outbreak.

Since the 5-hour special, Dumbo was given the Nobel Peace Prize for uniting the populus (excluding minorities) and increasing the Gross National Product by 1,000,000 percent. In 1980, Dumbo was voted Sexiest Pakaderm by Gentlemen's Quarterly.

[edit] Dumbo's Demise

At the height of his career, Dumbo was victim to an untimely death. While skiing in the San Francisco Alps, Dumbo hit a tree while attempting a 360 double back-flip. Although the collision was not fatal, Dumbo was misdiagnosed and treated for a serious infection. Being allergic to penicillin, Dumbo broke out with Vaginitis and turned into a giant vagina. Dumbo can now be seen roaming the earth as NFL Quarterback Rex Grossman.