Feces
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Faeces, also known as Sheisse, dung, doody, poopy, jibblets, nugget, Klingons,People who belive in religion or your mother's fat ugly face, is sometimes used as a miracle cure for ailments such as the common cold or cancer. It is said that the procedure to cure these particular ailments was to forcfully shove said fecal matter down the victim sick person's throat and nostrils. The victim would then eject all their stomach contents and feel almost healthier. It has also been used as an intellegence enhancer by some. The first to use feces in this way was Benjamin Franklin while trying to decide whether he should pee on the string of his kite after it had been electrocuted. Luckily for him he did not. The same can't be said for George Washington.
FECES (and all its glory) is most importantly, a window to cleanliness and a solution to all kinds of diseases, if it is properly administered to people's faces. Quite literally, the word fe-ces is taken from the word fac-es, both words stemming from the Latin root of "to put on" or faceces. This fascinating etymology is due to the fact that ancient Romans used to rub feces on each other's faces as a way to induce orgasms and as a means to wash away evil spirits [Editor's note: This fact is, in fact, a myth perpetrated by corrupt officials, see below for the real story]. Next time you take a dump, take a closer look at all those feces in the toilet bowl--they could be the answer to all of your problems.
It is a sexual fetish of many people, who go on to participate in various activities. For example, the ever-popular hot lunch, the Dirty Sanchez (a favorite of borderhoppers, and the hot Carl, named after the encounter between Carl Wilson and that Beatles guy who killed himself. An example of this is the family movie 2 girls 1 cup.
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[edit] Fecal History
Feces played a largely unnoticed role in human history until 1517, when Martin Luther nailed his 95...make that 200 Feces to the church door in Wittenburg, Germany shortly before inventing the cotton gin. Church attendance has never recovered.
Initial research on Baboons attempted to produce the Lanus Cavity in the animals rear into which the seat post of bicycles could be neatly and conveniently slotted, increasing comfort and stability, and thereby eliminating seating shortage problems across the known world. However, his plans went catastrophically awry due to the innate inability of Baboons to ride bikes. One of his initial subjects, who had become prostatically excited, careened headlong into a vat of experimental serum. The entire contents of the vat leeched into a local water supply, and quickly spread to surrounding districts and beyond.
The effects could not have been foreseen. So potent was the serum that it quickly spread as a ravenous genetic virus throughout the biosphere, and before long incidents of the Lanus Cavity were being witnessed in all multi-cellular life forms. Acute embarrassment allowed the virus to spread without hindrance as public officials failed to speak out on the crisis.
Feces also becomes diarrhea? AHH SHIT!!
It is considered to be really fun to wrap your feces around your waste like a belt.(Tip:stay still so it won't fall off.)
Before Feces was just some stinky brown stuff that came out of your ass. But now Feces is used for things like building materials, sexual fantasies, it makes a very potent paint, and is the only ingredient used at long john silvers. Feces was used in the old days to hold in violent criminals as well. What do you think would work better? A cell made of steel bars, or a cell made of shit? Thought so.
Many large countries of the world are considering banning the production of feces out of the human ass due to recent reports of people smoking shit.
[edit] Fantastic Feces
It soon became apparent that Dr Feces’ “discovery” would have such powerful repercussions as to make even the creation of the Atom Bomb seem but a minor triviality. The body’s solid wastes, previously known only as "Poo," began to flow from the newly created cavities in all affected creatures. Infant mortality rates plummeted due to increased mammary hygiene. Sex was revolutionised as new foreplay methods evolved and homosexual men finally had something to do. Nipple and navel piercing became the height of fashion as now redundant orifi could be safely ornamented.
[edit] The Fall of Feces
But there were some negative repercussions. Dr Feces fell into legal disputes with Arovini Colostomi, designer of the previously indispensable accessory, the “Colostomi Bag.” What should have been a straightforward court case became a protracted and bitter conflict, during which numerous attempts were made on Dr Feces life by angered, maladaptive Colostomites. Dr Feces died in poverty, unable to afford the patent costs or the rising price of toilet paper. Today, the Colostomi bag is seen as somewhat passé.
Many reputable sources such as Larry The Cable Guy have proven that there are numerous health benefits from devouring fecal deposits. In India, only the touchables (the high class) have access to this highly nutritious food group. Consuming feces is proven to cure such diseases such as arthritis and strep throat. There are even some signs that feces could be as effective as a lobotomy in depression cases. We are so lucky to live in this world with such highly accessible poo.
Despite all this, some economists maintain that feces is an 'inferior good' - in essence claiming that demand for feces falls when consumer prosperity rises, and vice versa, rather like the demand for margarine. There has been no real empirical way of testing this econobabble, however, as one cannot artificially limit the supply of plop to see what effect it has on the price. Critics of this theory also claim that it overlooks the heterogeneity of poo, which comes in many forms ranging from caustic brown slurry to rock-hard bumfruit.
[edit] Psychology of Feces
The new system of “defecation” inspired the great psychologist, Sigmund Freud, to write his most important paper, “The Origin and Development of Filthy Little Sluts.” This seminal work outlined the deep bio-psychological roots of Sex and Filth. He theorised that the evolutionary connection between breast feeding and mammary defecation lead to formation of latent repressed “copro-mammarial” complexes comprised of evolutionary memories, feelings of bodily alienation and envy of cattle with muddy udders.
Later on, in the 1970’s, Feminist leaders used Freud’s theory as ‘solid proof’ that all men think women are full of shit.
I enjoy rubbing feces on my face.
[edit] Feces Today
Residual shame continues to prevent educational institutions from teaching modern people the true origins of the so called Anal (derived from Lanus) defecation method.
A modern interweb, Fecesbook, exists in order to allow anal-expulsives to display their deposits on a personal page, where amateur and professional copromaniacs alike can "rate" their brown efforts. Some argue that this encourages users to overrate their defecatory prowess, and subsequently maintain that their "shit's all that." An advocate of Fecesbook will generally respond to this criticism by screaming, jumping up and down, and smearing shit all over everything.
Feces are not so bad. They are just our food in different form. If you could get past the smell, I'm sure they'd be tasty.
[edit] The Names Of feces
For an (almost) comprehensive list of poop in its many forms, try here.
