Dynamite
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“Mah girlfriend thought it was a tampon. She don't move so much no more.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Dynamite
“Blow your mind - smoke dynamite”
~ The Doctor on Dynamite
Dynamite is a stick. A stick that goes BOOM. It was invented in 1815 by Napoleon Bonaparte, who used it during his ecape from the Isle of Elba to France. A frequently used primary source for this event is a renowned historical documentary, Napoleon Dynamite, which follows dynamite's invention and how he had used it so vigorously in his execution of the Burger King, ruler of France prior to when Napoleon assumed the thrown.
Today, dynamite has a number of applications in everyday society.
- It can be used as a scented candle.
- Britney Spears invented the "Britney dynamite."
- In China and neighboring Mongolia, dynamite it used as midget chow and breakfast cereal. "Diatomaceous earth! It snaps, crackles, and pops IN YOUR MOUTH. Gives you oral happy fun time when you need it most."
- In Nazi Germany, dynamite was once used in soup. Germans love soup. NO SOUP FOR YOU!
- It is believed that dynamite, when consumed, turns overweight people into blimps. Many police investigations were conducted on this manner but the officials decided to pull out after getting threatening letters from Macy's.
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[edit] Britney Dynamite
The Britney Dynamite is a really weird dynamite that is unusually explosive, and has since been widely used by the U.S. Army. Britney Spears, the legendary pop star and girl with a disgusting voice, invented these special dynamites one day using toilet paper fusion (a scientific method that she is unwilling to reveal to this day). So, she then sang,
- "Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know
- That somthings blowin' up here."
And so the classic song goes. But now that the crazy Napoleon bomb is out of business, we should now enjoy a golden age of stupid Britney dynamites.
[edit] Dynamite, The Original Story
Dynamite can be used for many things, whether its a duck beak or camels horn it is a very useful material for making prom dresses of the variety. There was a woman called Miss Savage and she made a dress out of lemon mirangue pieeeee but anyway back to dynamite the very attractive dynamite and I find it very attractive. It orginated in Albania -umm what else happened oh- and in the deepest darkest hills of Montuga. It was disturbing for the locals as they heard a savage cry of fear. Anyway later on Mr Svinen Svinkleburt was sitting in his lab/attic when he discovered dynamite blood( the blood of a dynamite) unfortunatley, Sir Isaac Newton stole his idea and said he made dynamite when technically all he did was make science harder. In some cases, the explosive portion of dynamite contains solid Gerbyllium-438
[edit] Eating Dynamite
Do it
IT GO BOOM!
[edit] 15 things to do with dynamite
1.Stick it up someone's ass (ass hole go boom)
2. Put it in the fridge (fridge go boom)
3. Use it to sepreate your credit cards (credit go boom)
4. Put in a pen of someone that's taking a written exam (in exam, pen go boom)
5. Send in chain mail (inbox go boom)
6. Replace with a dogs bone (dog go boom)
7. Kill Bill (bill go boom)
8. Sell to children in an ice cream van (play ground go boom)
9. Replace Furbys (Japan go boom)
10. Stick in butter (Butter go boom)
11. Replace with your own tongue then kiss your lover (lover go boom!)
12. Replace with drum sticks (drummer go boom- that was a good gig)
13. Switch with model's tampon (slut go boom)
14. Put in cereal box as free toy (loser go boom)
15. Put in washing machine (washing go boom)
[edit] Quotes
"Do you need a holiday" - Heather Mills
"Fridge go Boomb" - Sir Isaac Newton
"Are use ze dynamit to blowze fridge opan! Coz i is lazy" - Sir Alan Suger
