E.T.
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E.T. was an Extra-Terrestrial with an Extra Testicle. He was born sometime in the 1960's and lived much of his life on a very randomly named planet. You know that one were talking about. That really smelly one. E.T. Became a media darling in the 1980's, like Steve Guttenberg. But unlike Steve Guttenberg, he remains popular today.
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[edit] His arrival on Earth
E.T. came to the planet earth in 1982 to collect plant specimens which his species would use to create a super virus to killl everyone on the planet. He was left behind and went on to live with a family in Roswell, New Mexico and was a popular hit with little children.
He lived with the family until 1984, when he became a Faith Healer by shining his penis on the part of the body that hurts. He was known as the Messiah towards many people living in the states of California, Nevada and New Mexico. In 1987 he realized that healing was becoming a very tiring and boring profession as everyone acted so grateful when healed but gave very little money. He decided to make his own film, though this film is very popular and is very touching for many people, nobody saw the scenes that E.T wrote himself, the most prominent of these is a 23 minute sequence of him wanking the shower. He found out that sex was the best thing in the world. This is why he then changed professions to a professional rapist. He is now considered the most famous Alien Rapist to ever exist on the planet Earth. ET is going to eat your flesh! After walking with some tiny sized legs. He Met Wacko Jacko, and they both joined forces by walking into Mordor, and fighting The evil Kittens of Mordor.
He also chose to briefly become a porn star because of his big red vibrating finger. He has pleasured captain Jack Sparrow from torchwood.
[edit] The Oprah Days
While living on the confusing planet, Earth, E.T. decsided to host his(or her) own television show. His show became so popular, that people would call him "the Second Oprah". Image:Http://www.tokyopop.com/FlareSolsun/art/1275424.html
[edit] E.T.'s death
On the date of November 16th, 1989, E.T. was taking a dump in one of the small rivers in southern California when his penis got bit off by a beaver. E.T., in a fit of horrible pain fell into a hole. He tried to extend his neck and hover out of the hole when a mysterious doctor who was eventually identified as Michael Jackson raped E.T. in the hole and left him for dead.
After that, the FBI kidnapped E.T. as a cover considering they were under the payroll of Michael Jackson himself. The FBI held E.T. until 1992 when he discovered alcohol and started binge drinking in secrecy in the FBI's main holding area. He eventually succumbed to alcohol poisoning. The death of E.T. was a serious blow to the global economy and was a leading cause of the collapse of the Soviet Union. Even today, the memories of E.T. still live on. On November 16th, every year, all across Mexico, lighs are shined up into the cloud to pay homage to their beloved E.T.. Hovering in our skies, his parents, still oblivious to his disapearance, try to scare the shit out of primatily the Americans and the Mexicans.
[edit] His Video Game
E.T. had a video game released to commemerate his life. It was described at the time as the greatest thing the human race had ever produced, ever (note this was before 4chan was created). However all copies of it were eventually destroyed as people were spending such vast amounts of time playing the game instead of working causing a global recession. All copies of the game were buried with the gold underneath the World Trade Centres and the entire population of Earth was brainwashed to assume the game was utter shit, most likely by Jaws. ET slept with his bosses wife!!!!!!!!
