European Union
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They may even work at Focus on the Family, be a hard-working farmer, or, worse, be an unelected conservative activist judge.
For information on the best way to save our great nation from scum like this read the Daily Kos.
(Psst. He's probably also a Nazi; quick! Play the race card!)
“Eeeeeuuuw!”
~ Britney Spears on EU
“Ooooohhhhh!”
~ Oscar Wilde on EU
“WE WILL NEVER LET TUKEY ENTER EU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
~ France on EU
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| National Motto: "Please don't let the Germans start another war." | ||
| National Anthem: Deutchsland uber alles | ||
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| Official language | German | |
| Size | Whatever Germany wants the size to be | |
| Population | 399 million whites, and some other minorities | |
| Capital | Berlin | |
| Government | Neo Nazi/Communist | |
| Fuhrer | Adolf Hitler | |
| National Bird | Whatever Germany's is | |
| National Flower | Whatever Germany's is | |
| Currency | Reichsmarks | |
| National Animal | Himrich Himmler | |
- See the Superior EU, the Europa United
Initially a Franco-German agreement which, after realizing that neither could create an evil empire alone got together to create one together, it has evolved into the Geographical entity that ends at the eastern border of Greece, but includes Cyprus and Kurdistan. (Don't ask me, I wasn't invited when they were drawing the borders.) Cultural entity based on Christianity and has millions of Muslim members in and out of the geographical borders. (I told you not to ask me, didn't I?) Economic entity whose borders aren't yet specified. Or, if you don't like the definition until now, an international conspiracy giving away free money in return for
- a) money
- b) a perfect looking silk Gucci scarf
The European Union (born 1992, will die 2008), also known as Großdeutschland, is the most magnificent organisation that has ever been created. Despite efforts of the Welsh ruining the genetic pool with their presence, it still looks strikingly beautiful for its age, which it attributes to drinking 1.5 liters of pure arctic water per day. On 1st of january of 2008, EU has become the empire, ruled by the biggest country, Slovenia (They have cruel intensions, especially with Germans and communists...)
With a respectable acting career, four enterprises and creating the entire Western Civilisation, it is currently enjoying a well deserved holiday in Helsinki. The European Union is also famous for its 1980s hit "The Final Countdown". After witnessing the downfall of the British Empire, the European Union felt sorry and offered a rather nice villa in the Ardèche region.
Allegedly, the EU is currently dating Asia after ending a 60 year long marriage with the USA. The divorce was a quite a struggle and their children are under treatment with Dr Phil and Oprah.
The EU's biggest fear is the increasing influence of the internet haunting innocent European minds. That and Opera
Contents |
[edit] European Institutions
- European Commission
- European Pretend Parliament
- European Economic and Social Committee
- Committee of Regions
- European Central Bank
- War
- European County Council of Ministers
- Eurovision Song Contest
- EU Flakes Breakfast Cereal
- The Church of the Coming of the Beast
- The Red Light 666 Harlet Club
- Manhattan Peace Corps to save the Hylians and Serbs
[edit] Key Data
The capital of the European Union is Brussels, although others say that it is The Hague or Strasbourg. Initially, Frankfurt was considered, but its inhabitants are too ugly and no longer live there. In reality, Brussel Sprouts is the capital, and Luxembourg is technically its bitch...too small to see.
The national dish of the EU is the Döner Kebab (grilled pieces of Chinese beef rolled into falafel, a typical EU bread). The ambassador is Hitler Shwarzennegger.
[edit] The Flag
The flag of the Union personifies its devotion to human rights. 27 State members, 12 stars??? At least Hitler gave ALL the Jews a star!!!!
[edit] National Anthem
The National Anthem of the European Union is a song by Vanderkneuthöven titled Brother John. The Anthem is translated in all European languages. Swedish "Broder Jakob", Danish "Mester Jakob", Spanish "Martinollo", Estonian "Vend Õäöü", Finnish "Jaakko Kulta", German "Ich Habe Sauerkraut In Meine Lederhosen", French "Je Vous Emmerde, bande de suceuses de queues Republicaines", Dutch "Zusje Jantje", Italian "Questa Pizza Sa Di Mozzarella Rancida", Greek "Φέρτε τα λεφτά κουτόφραγκοι !", Romanian "Give our Gypsies Money" (more commonly "Vlad Zugravu"), Slovenian "Mojster Jaka", Czech "Jiřík Paroubek", Bulgarian "Баце Иван", North Irish "That oul fuckin' mucker John" and Irish as "Another pint there John". Croatia also translated it to "Bratec Martin" because it was a part of negotiations to join EU. But he's a shit pile so it doesn't matter The EU theme tune is "Part of The Union" by Mozart.
[edit] History
The European Union was established in 1813 at the signing of the treaty of Scheisseranuse in Dutchland. The idea was to combine the coal, steel and sex toy outputs of the 12 signatory countries (Dutchland, France, Britain, Israel, the Alps, Iceland, Éire, Malta, Russia, Disneyland and The Pink Unicorn(The Pink and the Unicorn, 2 countries)). This would allow a common policy and battle more effectively on the international market for coal, steel and sex toys during the so called 'cold war'.
Due to colonization, the European Union's expansion was at its high around 1900 BC. At this point in history there existed only three states: the European Union, the Empire of Russia and the Japanese Republic. However, it must be said that it could take a long time to cross the border: at the European - Japanese bordercrossing of Tibet - Korea, it could take up to three months before you could cross the border.
Around 1950 the Europeans (together with the Russians and Japanese) thought that maybe colonization wasn't such a good idea as they thought it would have been. So they sought for ways to exploit other countries better, as such decolonization was invented by Winston Churchill in 1953. Several countries were decolonized in a fast way and they were given following classification:
- Type I - country: A country in which all indigenous people had been eradicated, so the descendants of the colonizers could remain in power;
- Type II - country: A country in which there were still a lot of indigenous people, but which the Europeans could exploit better if they gained independance;
- Type III - country: A mixture of a type I - and type II - country: lots of indigenous people had been eradicated, however Europeans could exploit these countries better if they gained independance, because the descendants of the colonizers could remain in power;
- Type IV - country: A country in which Type II - independance failed;
- Type V - country: A country that wasn't colonized, but should have been.
The Supreme Commander of the League of Leaders of the Supreme Council of the League of Followers of the European Union (TSCOTLOLOTSCOTLOFOTEU), Adolph Hitler, planned to add a copy of a travel guide he wrote, while serving a prison sentence for defrauding a Jewish Leprechaun in a game of rock, paper scissors during the eclipse of the 4th moon on Cassopiea, to newly setup designated camping sites around the Union entitled 'Mein Kampf' with every purchase of bar of coal or steel. As the bars were only sold in straight versions, they could only be bought by straight people. That would leave only the raving homsexuals who would buy the sex toys (to be marketed later) in the Union. The sex toys in turn would be supplied with booklets on homosexual reproduction. This booklet is nowadays widely available for educational purposes especially in the middle east, where it sells under the trade name 'Koran' or as know colloqially 'Qu'ran'. Within 20 years this would lead to a new generation of homosexuals which would on masse be taught so called 'Fighting and Armaments Games' at school, more commonly known as F.A.G. school, to prepare the final battle against the camping straights.
The main tool used in the F.A.G. schools was a propaganda movie called 'Star Wars'. Since this was the first time the students (more commonly called as F.A.G.gers or faggers) learned about war, this movie is now referred to as The Great War or the First World War, WWI. Another Tool developed to drive the faggers to the edge of insanity and bloodlust was provided by a small startup company called microsoft, entitled 'Blue Screen of Death'.
War (European Civil War) finally erupted beteen the straights and the bends (so called as second generation faggots of homosexual parents of the first and second kind suffered from a deficiency of Kryptonium in their bloodstream leading to a 23 degree Celsius left bending penis) in 1939 when the faggots invaded the camps in Poland. After a short battle the bends were quickly beaten by the straights when the straights started mass producing uranium tipped buttplugs on UrAnus and dropping them from star-destroyers in lower elliptocirulaoidiminaximaloidal earth orbit on the advancing bends armies.
The leader of the straights, Anusin Vader, third lord of the Shit, ruthlessly caught Hitler and had him eat Indian food for three days straight as a punishment. All Gays and dykes were expulsed from the former Union, which led to the flooding of the original member country the Netherlands, and a new system of supranational government installed, whereby only partial powers were granted to the LOLOTSCOTLOFOTEU (League of Leaders of the Supreme Council of the League of Followers of the European Union) and more powers to the newly created states. A special island, separate from the union mainland was created from a mountain of shit donated by the United States of Anus (USA) to house all the raving homosexuals, called gayland, which later changed its name to England, in 1957 at the treaty of Rome.
In memory of their great leader, the inhabitants of England still eat Indian food three times per week and a local delicacy of cooked turd on a stick, known locally as kebab or turdcicle in international cuisine, after a night of heavy drinking. The kebabs are almost always covered with a spicy chilli sauce to muffle the flavour of fresh turd, although more established places do provide for slightly decayed turd where this is less necessary, and garlic sauce to reduce the smell eminating from their mouths.
Mainland Europe meanwhile was subdivided into bands arranged in lattitudonal fashion sub dividing the straights displaying certain degrees of homosexual behaviour. The ones deemed most like homosexuals were sent to the more southern bands of Europe and the ones deemed free from homosexual behaviour in the northern ones.
[edit] Member States
Number of newly formed countries presently applying for EU membership:
    
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The EU currently has 20-30 member states, give or take 5. Everyone is confused, really. Some are member states, but won't use the euro, "'cause it sucks". Others are members, but not really, as they just joined, and they want the money, basically. Those with the money want to make sure they hold on to it as much as possible. Some states are too small to count as states, so they get invaded by the EU (e.g., Monaco). No one knows how many member states the EU has.
[edit] Entrance Requirements
To enter the EU, a country must participate in the Eurovision song contest for 3 consecutive years prior to entry, with the exception of Israel (they need to visit Eurocamp Industrial Showerboothes for "activities") and Turkey (reason for non-admittance unclear but we can assure them that it has nothing to do with their majority religion. Nothing at all).
Other Entry Requirements include :
1. A Flag
2. A National Anthem
3. 2 valid forms of ID, including a driving licence and something with your address on
[edit] European Legislation
The Treaty of Masticate established the European Hyper-Parliament and enabled it to produce Ultra-legislation in some limited areas. The same treaty also established the European Court of Ultimate Justice to enforce legislation and to jump up and down on Hitler's grave. There are two major types of EU Legislation; Directives and Regulations
[edit] Directives
Directives are used to legislate bad things. Directives are created through an arcane mixture of voodoo, black magic, hatred, pure evil and Phil Collins CDs by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra featuring Jay-Zee
Some examples of directives are:
- European Hatred Directive (EC-H4t3D)
- European Satanic Directive (EC-54T4n1c)
- European Genocide Directive (EC-63n0c1D3)
- European Hitler Moustache Directive (EC-H1t13r)
[edit] Regulations
Regulations are the counterpoint of Directives in that they legislate only good things. Regulations are created by mixing kittens, love, lurve, sugar, syrup, puppies, candy, sex, happiness, chocolate, polar bear cubs, honey and Nelson Mandela together in a big mixing bowl and stirring until those cute little sad-eyes just pop out of their cutesy lil' heads!
Some examples of regulations are:
- European World-Peace Regulation (EC-P34c3-N0w)
- European Cutesy-Wootsey Kitty-Cat Regulation (EC-5000-Cut3)
- European Snuggle-Bunnie Regulation (EC-5nU6613-3uNN13)
- European Mahatma Gandhi Regulation (EC-M4h4tm4-64nDh1)
[edit] Future provinces
- Austria (Annexed by E.U. in 1995 Anschluss II)
- Bulgaria (Joined to grab the money)
- Belgium (the one that holds the money and, strangely, shares it with the other members)
- Cyprus (joined to get the Turkish out)
- Czech Republic (do you know better option how to make the Austrians angry and earn money?)
- Denmark (Uhhhmn.. What? Did we join? When? We still have Danish Crowns! And beer! For faen, haell op en Tuborg! )
- Estonia wants to show to the EU, who are the Estonian electritians
- Greece (joined so that their polititians stop working alongside the rest of the greeks/ having someone else dealing their financial messes)
- Finland (joined because - um, Russia didn't)
- France (joined to get an opportunity to dump manure outside government buildings in Bruxelles)
- Germany (Started it to finally get some lebensraum. Heimat!)
- Hungary (joined for the money and afterwards look down on the neighbours outside it)
- Ireland (so that GB would not be the only one in union with Belfast)
- Italy (Joined for the nice fireworks on the union celebration party)
- Latvia (see Estonia)
- Lithuania (see Latvia)
- Luxembourg (joined just to force the others recogizing Luxembourgish as a language)
- Malta (joining the EU was the next best thing to being under the British, Italian, and Greek rules once again, which they really enjoyed. really.)
- Monaco (will join as soon as it is declared Euro tax exempt, and its casinos are guaranteed the right to remain in existence)
- The Netherlands (Joined for the free traffic of East European girls to feed the Red Light District)
- Poland (joined for the money/ free "work trips" to the rest of EU)
- Portugal (prefered to be at the edge of something instead of the middle of nowhere)
- Romania (Need broader market for its drug exports)
- Slovenia (They felt so alone without Yugoslavia)
- Slovakia a good way how to make the Hungarians angry and get some money
- Spain (another one that joined for the money and got all of it)
- Sweden (joined because - um, Finland did)
- United Kingdom (joined to feel superior, they hate everything outside their little island, except Malta. Maybe. But Turkey for sure. And Germany. And......)
- The Vatican (Will join, however, needs permission from the Jesii Union.)
- The Vatican't (will become a member, though it can't join now)
- Mexico (Mexicans finally got independence from the US (reference needed) and thought it was cool to join Europe and to show the United States that they suck)
[edit] Countries that just can't wait to become members
- Albania (No customs? Free drug traficking WOOT! Sign me in!)
- Bosnia and Herzegovina (We generally want to piss off the Serbians! Although nearly a half of us are Serbs anyway)
- Canada (Sees it as the only way to make english an official language in Quebec)
- Croatia (We wanna join to prove them that we may someday secede!)
- Israel (Jews under German rule worked so great the last time, right?)
- Macedonia (We want everybody to know that we exist! ..and we hate all neghbours..)
- Moldova (Uhm, what is this thing "money" you talk about?)
- Montenegro (See Bosnia and Herzegovina.)
- New Zealand (We are more English than England. Just ignore the map.)
- Serbia (Argues that EU really is a part of Serbia. Unfortunatelly, they are already allied with Klingons.)
- Turkey (We are Europeans! Chill out! You will see the truth when there is a döner kebap restaurant in every street. There is already? Hey, why the heck are we waiting for, then!)
- Ukraine (We want the money! And no russky gas!)
- USSR (The opportunity for the next empire!)
- The People's Republic of Cork (We want to piss of the Dubliners, like)
- The Klingon Empire (Can't do so now because of the Prime Directive, or their equivalent)
- The Romulan Empire (Pretty much the same story)
- The Cardassian Empire (Ditto)
- Transnistria (A wannabe state, in war with Ukraine, Moldova, Ghana and Milwaukee)
- Mordor (They need love!)
- Russia (As part of the project EUSSR (European United Soviet States of Russia))
- Africa (The whole continent is in a recession, so it would be better to merge. EU wants low prices on safari, Africa wants in Paris)
- Svalbard (The EU just gave them Norway! Which isn't so great but it makes them look bigger on the map!)
- Hyrule (We need someone to populate the contry besides zombies and old men in caves)
- The Union of Southern Africa and the British Colony of Orange (We just want them to have to say our name every time they take role call, just watching them try will be hilarious!)
- Yugoslavia (Maybe it would make us a country again!)
[edit] Countries that just don't give a shit
- Norway (The fish is ours, the oil is ours and we're not stopping whaling just because the rest of the world says it's barbaric!) Plus they are sort of mad that the EU sold them to Svalbard so they don't even have a say in the matter anymore!
- Iceland (Can't cooperate with any union that recognizes other languages than Icelandic)
- Japan (If it moves, harpoon it! If it doesn't move, harpoon it 'til it does, then harpoon it anyway)
- Switzerland (Why should we? We've got all your politicians crawling around in our bank vaults anyway...)
- Sicily (It's none of your business, well technically we're not a country, but if we were it would still be none of your business.)
- Greenland (We are to Canada what Canada is to the US. We need nothing else!)
- Liechtenstein (Can't agree with EU's Rubik's Cube standards)
- Åland Can you spell to "taxfree". Or are you too drunk ?
- Blueland (I'm blue, dabu-di-dabu-da, dabu-di-dabu-da.)
- Armenia (Can't join 'em, beat 'em)
- New Swabia (We have no televisions down here and we havn't heard the news of EU even forming yet!)
- Austria-Hungry (Our countrymen are scattered through Hong Kong, New York, and Åland, so we have no national identity so therefore we have no national pride so therefore we kill Serbs, Liberals, PETA members, Africans and plumbers)
- Coalition of Coriolis Force (We're a country?!?!? Since when?!?!?)
