Earthquake

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“I definitely felt the earth shake last night, but it weren't no "earthquake."”

~ Oscar Wilde on earthquakes

“If there is an earthquake in your city, don' worry. I will be there for you.”

~ George Bush pretending the New Orleans flood never happened

“Well, I have to do push-ups once in a while.”

~ Chuck Norris on Earthquakes

“It's actually the thetans roaming around the planet. You can fight them by joining Scientology (Scientology is phail!!!!) ! For three hundred grand, all your troubles go away!”

~ Tom Cruise on Earthquakes

“Tom, I --”

~ Matt Leuer on the above citation

“You're being glib.”

~ Tom Cruise on the above citation

“You just don't understand psychology like I do Matt. Seriously Matt. You should learn about the things you report about before you do.”

~ Tom Cruise on Off Topic

“It's the only stuff worth filming in Cinema.”

~ Roland Emmerich on Earthquakes

Earthquake is a scientific term developed by historical revisionists to explain away the setting off of underground nuclear weapons along fault lines worldwide. Rather than alarm the public with such scary sentences as "we blew up another fault line today", the PC (politically corrupt) coalition came up with the more acceptable term of "earthquake" to allay public fears of doomsday scenarios. The earthquake is accompanied by loud rumbling, breaking open of ground, and panicked girlfriends (Source: 1970s disaster movies).

Prior to the mid 1900s, and the development of nuclear weapons, earthquakes were virtually non-existant. However, history has revealed to the conspiracy theorists in western Idaho that every time the US declares war on various natural resource rich nations, the Richter Scale goes into grand mal convulsions. The largest unreported nuclear event to date occurred around early 2005 in the Indonesian region, in particular near the partially constructed oil pipeline under the indonesia sea. What the international media euphemistically described as a tsunami was in fact, a politically "inspired" pipeline rupture.

1 Further Testing
2 False Theories
3 History
4 Future
5 Rare local-local-local Earthquake
6 Sources
7 See Also

[edit] Further Testing

In the fall of 2006, North Korea decided to test the above theory by launching a nuclear dud into the South Pacific 80 miles west of Hawaii. The "test" was a spectacular success, registering a mere 1.4 on the Richter scale and causing Hawaii to sink 3/8's of an inch into the ocean. As of this date, the fact that no radiation was detected in North Korea has the american public fooled into believing that nothing happened, but earthquake specialists know...the proof is in the Pacific.

As recently as 06/08/2008, the Associated Press reported increased Earthquake activity in northern Nevada¹. There can be no doubt that this new activity is related to the Neveda Test Site² due to preparations for World War III.

[edit] False Theories

The World Geological Survey have always claimed that earthquakes are the result of a variety of geological phenemonena. As depicted by the film The Core, they originally told the public that this was in fact the Earth's core stalling and shuddering to an abrupt halt before starting up again causing more tremors known as aftershocks. However, after scientists proved that the Earth has no such rotating core, the public demanded answers.

Water slipping down cracks in the ground was then blamed as the cause of this, with oil seepages lubricating cracks further to allow parts of the Earth to grind together, forming shock waves through the ground. Another theory included the planet being shaken by giant masses of plasma as solar storms effectively bombard the Earth's atmosphere, knocking us out of orbit for short periods of time. After no relationship was found between earthquakes, aurora borealis and short term climate change, the excuse was then that an asteroid belt between Earth and Mars occasionally created short, periodic turbulent air movements, despite floating about in a vaccuum (with space originally thought to be 98% N, 1% O & 1% CO2 at the time).

Clutching at straws, scientists then went back to basics and invented a theory about the plate tectonics and how the movement of plates can cause earthquakes around plate margins. This theory then yet again fell apart after a mysterious earthquake on Boxing Day, 2006 which rocked the small town of Dumfries in Scotland, which just happens to be nowhere near a tectonic plate margin. Therefore, taking into account the Boxing Day tsunami of 2004, they then created a theory about how earthquakes and tsunamis may have been linked after being separated by exactly 2 years. Howeverm now almost everyone knows that earthquakes are caused by giant mice shaking the planet.

[edit] History

Before plate tectonics were described by Queen Latifah the earth was static and no earthquakes ever happened. No one knew what an earthquake was, resulting in the earthquakes deciding not to even bother. Once discovered people became aware of earthquakes and since then mountains have grown, beaches have sunk, malaria became airborne and earthquakes have claimed more lives than Campbells Soup.

On May 16th, 2008, an earthquake ravaged the nation of Etchasketchistan.