Europe
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“You told me there'd be guys with long hair and make-up!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Europe
“It's the Final Countdown!”
~ Europe (continent) on Europe(band)
“It's bigger than us.”
~ The Beatles on Europe
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| Motto: "We are better than you." | |||||
| Anthem: Whatever song wins Eurovision this year | |||||
| Capital | Liechtenstein | ||||
| Largest city | Luxembourg | ||||
| Official languages | European, French (frog), Elfdalian | ||||
| Government | Imperial Dictatorial-Democratic Piracy | ||||
| -Emperor-Dictator-Democratic Leader | Michael Ley and Gary Keil | ||||
| -Pirate King | Johnny Depp | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Mario, Zorro, Charles de Gaulle tracey keil the porn star (Gary Keil's mum) | ||||
| Declaration | |||||
| Currency | Euro | ||||
| Religion | No religion at all. Well, O.K., sometimes Christian when nobody's looking. Pastafarian when you're looking. | ||||
Europe is subject to many interpretations, and all of them are wrong, except this one. Europe is the shorthand for "That which Norway and the Hellenic Republic share in common in history, culture and politics". Some contest that it actually stands for "That which the Ukraine and Portugal share in common" however they are wrong as well.
Some say Europe is but an ugly growth of peninsulas and islands sticking out of the west end of Asia. The only reason it gets counted separately is because it's the ancestral home of white people, which is quite ironic if you think about it, while Asia is the ancestral home of, well, Asians. This theory, which is more correct than all the other theories, is nonetheless false, when compared to twenty-seven of the other theories.
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[edit] History of Europe
Europe existed since it began and will exist until it ends. This is a fact. I know it, you know it, your mum knows it (unless you're from Alabama, in which case your sister might know it).
The great Bob Marley told us that Star Wars occurred in Europe in 1367 B.C. (Before Crack), but this is obviously wrong because there would not be enough room for the plotline of that briliant Mel Gibson movie starring Marylin Monroe.
Since the 1300s, scholars have debated on who discovered Europe and when. A popular choice was the American Christopher Columbus, in 1492. This theory has however lost credit when it was suggested that he might have been Mexican instead.
Some historians think that Europe was conquered by the United States of America in the 20th century, while the rest of scholars are too innebriated to refute this. However, most European people maintain some fantasy of independence. They are led by the brave Charles de Gaulle, who currently resides in Argentina.
The question of the United States' military engagement in Europe is a matter of much debate, especially in Iran and Guatemala, two countries at the heart of America. It is noteworthy that America would need to ask for directions on how to get to the battlefield. This makes American military involvement quite unlikely, since it would mean having to speak in a language other than English, and also because all American soldiers are men, and men never ask for directions. Ever.
Europe has faced two World Wars, three of which were local. Germany was blamed for it because they lost the dice of France's copy of Risk. New evidences however, suggest that it was because Germany won a football game against France and the UK in December, 1914. The only thing Europe is afraid of is the EU. The EU is an economic organization headed by Bill Gates that owns most of the baguette companies.
[edit] Geography of Europe
Europe is comprised of seventy-six countries, unless you're French, in which case Europe is comprised of two countries: yours and theirs.
Currently the lucky Turks in Constantinople (Which will never be called Istanbul by any God-fearing European) are "Europeans" while those further east (beyond the heart of that fabled lost Christian city) are just SOL.
N.B. The British Isles(or north Western European Archipelago to the Irish) is not Europe, there is an English Channel for a reason. The British refuse to acknowledge the existence of Europe. Europe in turn refuses to acknowledge Jimbo Wales . If you know the story behind that you will be laughing. If you don't you are quite probably a yank, or a Frenchman (congratulations!).
together they form Cockasia. You want to delete this image. I know it, you know it, your mum knows it.
Europe is a part of Europe which consists of the Europeland, Disneyland and Urasia. Today Europe's location is unknown to it's enemies and landlord, but American researchers have been hired to find it. The American researchers have mixed oppinions. Some point to the bottom of the Atlantic, while others point to the sky and laugh. No-one has yet bothered to look at a map.
A noteworthy city is Glasgow. Hotbed of European society. Many greats such as Shakespeare, Jean Paul Satre, Martin Luther King, Mr Blobby, Pele and even the Queen were raised in this Hampshire town. Recently the town has been noted for producing such talent as Kate Winslet, Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong and Harry Potter. These prestigious talents drew many a crowd to Basingstoke, a popular tourist destination due to the award.
The European Capital of Culture is an award that is gratefully received by all who win the award as it guarantees entry into the Eurovision song content of the country in which the city inhabits.
[edit] The Smell
No one knows for sure. But it is probably the English. It's always the English. How do you think that guy knew that the British were coming? It was the stench.
England was once a part of the European mainland but when the European Union was formed in the early 12th century, a massive engineering project was commissioned and England was removed. Galileo and Stephen Hawkings, an egyptian and the inventor of gravity and felching, oversaw the project.
Europe is a generally smelly place, particularly around Spain and Australia (Australia is located on the other end of the world map, so you can imagine how smelly they are) but historians agree it was worse when England was part of the mainland. Even though getting rid of England was a good start, things are getting worse again, thanks to American tourists. The smell, in French Le Smell, is one of the main reasons why Europe has such a proliferous perfume industry. What, did you think they were all gay?
[edit] European Empire (and a bit more of European History)
In the future rogue colonies (except Brazil, too much corruption even for Europe) will be reclaimed by the all mighty european masters who formerly controlled them to finally create a new European Empire that will endure till the end of time, or at least until next Friday night.
You know, 'cuz world conquest is the obvious thing to do when you're extremely smart and well bred. Columbus tried it in World War II, but who would pay attention to him when you can see Charlie Chaplin for free? To avoid being invaded, the weird people (now perhaps weirder, they're called Americans), decided to become something the Europeans loathe: fat. Yes, this is the best way of making sure you won't get invaded by Europe, since Europeans love beauty above all, even their family, but not above money.
Then started all those wars of religion, between the Catholic God and the newly created Protestant God (surely just an updated version of the Catholic God OS), using their cannon fodder in really boring wars, unless you were on the Catholic side, where the fun never stopped.
As Spain was the main source of the Catholic's God cannon fodder, spaniards became really exhausted after having to fight with almost every country they found when just getting out of Spain, so they got fed up and let another country become the dominant one and took a siesta. They expected to be back at the first position in a century or two, but that's not the way history works (fortunately).
England became the powerhouse of Europe for a long time, colonizing part of America, India, and a lot of the known world, spreading their knowledge of hideous overbites, superior linguistic skills, and damn good tea (which was introduced to them by the glorious Portuguese).
Europe had a lot of woeful wars, freaky famines, pyromaniac plagues, wars, revolution, famines, plagues, wars, Hitler, dead Jews, and tax-loving but demographically short-sighted socialists who can't be bothered to work enough to save their precious, precious welfare state. And Islamists. Crazy, crazy Islamists. They moved in after the Jews moved out. With that combination, the consensus is that it's gonna be a fun century! Europe in its present state is an abyss, filled with hippies, diplomats, and unelected EU bureaucrats that tell everyone else what to think.
[edit] Economy
Mosty, the european economy consists of:
- Money.
[edit] The Average European
N.B. There is no such thing as an average European. All Europeans were handmade by God to perfection. Average people in Europe are called tourists.
[edit] The looks
Anthropologists generally agree that Europeans are exactly 6 foot tall, blonde, blue-eyed and ungrateful. There is no exception to this rule. If you happen to see a European that doesn't look like that, then it's all a trick of lights to fool you.
They usually have an avant garde sense of fashion, walking around town with something that looks like something a retarded monkey with Alzeimer's would have flung at you. But they manage to look good while wearing it, and that's the true European Miracle.
[edit] Arrogance
All Europeans consider themselves above you. This is a fact. Why wouldn't they?
- e.g.: I'm European, therefore I'm better than you, (insert American name here). (spits on the floor in front of said American)
Political Beliefs
Anything that disagrees with the USA for any reason or no reason. Incidentally, this has been a good move.
There is a large amount of anti-Americanism in Europe, mainly because most european jokes correctly claim that America is filled with burger inhaling idiots. This is incorrect. Such nation would be Texas. Many Americans say that this is hypocritical (yes, that is the word) because of the prevalence of the same burger joints all over Europe. However, they forget that the average European will go to one of these places once a month, sometimes not returning after their first visit, since wine isn't available on the menu.
In some parts of Europe, anti-Americanism is actually the enforced state religion. Those who do not follow it will be forced to watch innocent wine being ruthlessly wasted on the movie Sideways.
[edit] The Rope
Europe can also refer to the rope which belongs to Eu. Eu was later assassinated for possession of said rope.
