Economics
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Thi$ arti¢£€ ₩a$ ₩ritt€n b¥ a ¢apita£i$t.
You may read it for free during a 2 hour trial period.
Afterwards, it will crash unless you give us your credit card number.
Save money! Sign up now for only $49.99!!!
(first three months)
“In the Free World, I own the template!!”
“Just because you have a headache doesn't mean it's a brain tumour”
~ TC on inflation
“Economics is the study of the best time to buy anything, is last year”
~ Dylan Marshall on Supply and demand
“Don't worry, it's doing fine!”
~ George Bush on ours
Society is driven by the uncontrollable movements of wealth, and Economists claim to be able to predict, influence, and control this primal force to achieve certain goals.
The conspiracy which has kept Economics alive and prospering works on several key principles.
Firstly, the whole field is broken down into thousands of macro- and micro-economic sub fields. When governments and corporations make use of an Economist's services, they must provide that Economist with information produced by others of that profession, which in turn is based on other information provided to the economist by the sponsoring organization. Therefore, any given economist whose results were proven to be false can blame the data provided to him by the organization he is working for. Since all the data is held in this loop and the original source cannot be determined, the government or corporation must either accept the blame for the failure, resulting in the loss of position at the highest level, or carry on as though the economic findings were in fact correct. In all cases, the latter path is followed and the economist gets a new car.
Secondly, economists have created several systems of government and political parties around the world. This shifts blame away from economists and toward the political party, who will tell the electorate, and then a new party will reign until the economists kill them too. Sometimes, however, economists will call for a regime change. If their suggestions are followed, initial failures of economic predictions will be blamed on the newness of the new regime. Later failures are blamed on mismanagement by the existing regime, and economists will call for an election, invasion, revolution or other change. The cycle may then begin again. And all the economists will get a new car.
Thirdly, their tenuous control over the flow of currency does allow economists to direct a large portion of the flow into their own bank accounts. This gives them power and leverage in many circumstances and has helped fund the international economic conspiracy. (That being , of course, that economists have way too damn many new cars.)
Contents |
[edit] More on Economics
Economics is the study of the migratory patterns of little bits of paper, who, it turns out, control the world. It is known as the "dismal science" because, well, wouldn't you be a bit depressed to find out that you're subordinate to pressed wood pulp?
[edit] History of Economics
Economics released their first album in 1982. Whilst not a critical or commercial success it solidified Economics' position as a chart topping power rock band. Problems arose when Jimmy Christ Knife Jr said "I don't want to do this shit for a living anymore." This along with the drummers increasingly dependent coke habit broke up Economics forever.
There was some kerfuffle over rights to the name "Economics" which had previously been used by a garage band of fairly ancient Greek Grandmothers, but since their main theme involved the "found noises" of actually organizing food and clothing for those in their care, the now better-known band assumed the name "Economics", gave the old ladies zero (a common habit Economics afficionados) so the old Greek ladies were forced to rename themselves Œconomics and as nobody can remember how to write or pronounce ligatures, the Greek were soon forgotten (despite later unsuccessful attempts to expand the O to mean "Original Economistresses").
Economics has since become synonymous with the study of money, rich people, and charity. The most famous economist of the 20th century Chief Obutoworo once stated that "Shiny object good, mud good, but less good and not as good as stick". This dictum has led all economic theory for the past century. Whilst post-modernist scholars would dismiss Obutoworo's contribution to economics as minimal, the mainstream academic community understands the contribution as being vital to our understanding of macroeconomics and modern consumerist culture. There are many schools of Obutoworian economics including Marxism, Capitalism, and The Heaven's Gate Cult.
For a little while in the Twentieth Century, the group formerly known as MinorKey'n'Gullsbreath (the latter-named member also holding the World Record for drinking Maple Syrup) attempted to revive the focus back to the found-sounds of Œconomics and feeding people, but they and their followers were called a pack of old women.
[edit] Economics at secondary school level
Economics has often been described as a series of arrows arranged in a comical fashion. This is done because of the video game Pokemon Stadium which has a game called "Clefairy Says".Economics teachers at the high school level teach students why the rich will get richer and the poor get poorer so that they need to realize the only way to get money is to collect it with a beggars outfit at your local Walmart. This is unless you are unfortunate enough to have econ. the first hour of the day. Then you are screwed anyway.
Hence it can be seen that: Supply and Demand ^><><^><^ Price Elasticity of Supply >><><^ Price Elasticity of Demand >><><^
Within the economics syllabus, students suffer many techniques of teaching, including "Hoooomework" and "Reseach Proooojects".
The foundation of secondary school economics comes from six key aspects:
- Pointless games
- Punishing Notes
- Meaningless diagonal lines that often intersect
- Guns and Butter
- Laissez faire
- Teachers who think they are right every fucking time even when you prove them wrong
