Ecuador
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[edit] Economy
The race to plunder Ecuador’s natural resources is a furore only matched by its Socialist government’s contempt for the IMF. In fact, Ecuador’s government spends so much time fuming about international intervention in the economy (“dirty capitalist-pigs!”) that it does very little governing at all, and Ecuador is a model of an unregulated free-market economy.
The main exports are (of course) bananas, with potatoes as a distant second. Oil was the country’s top export until the Ecuadorean people realized how valuable it was and decided oil was more worthwhile to fight over than sell. Today a majority of the country’s oil is burned in sabotage attacks on rigs by rival factions and environmental activists trying to save the Amazon or something.
The book 'Confessions of an Economic Hitman' details how the US government used economic genius' to trick lesser countries and keep them in debt.
[edit] Population
An Ehrlich-ian ticking time bomb. The current population of OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAND VERY depressed people is in severe danger of outgrowing the national production of bananas and potatoes, the country's two staple crops. If this happens, then there will be no way for the people of Ecuador to fulfill their daily recommended intake of potassium - I mean - it is not like Latin Americans eat lots of fish, avocados, beans, or brazil nuts. Tough luck.
They are affectionately known as Monos (Monkeys) by their better off neighbors, due to their striking resemblance to the common monkey in both facial structures and body hair. Their big feet are envied by the colombians for the ability to crush more coca leaves than a normal human foot, therefore they often find work in cocaine processing. Ecuadors population mostly consists of fags
In Ecuador, there be people that do NOT know the meaning of "Sober"... They all share the last name " Pérez"....
Notable residents of Ecuador include "La Papa", and Natadia. La Papa gained popularity for her notable ugliness and her constant feuds with Natadia. Natadia became the first woman with botox on her neck.
[edit] Immigrant Population
More recently a new phase of immigration to the country has arrived. Several "Gappers" and "backpackers" - so called for their expertise in packing pygmies into small boxes and by having large spaces between their teeth, have invaded the country, attempting to save the world by "teeching ingerlish" and "invyronmental studies" to unfortunate primary school children.
Soon after the influx of gappers, students protested at the terrible conditions they had to put up with. Memorable quotes (translated from Spanish) include, "she couldn't even teach me the word for c**t in english" and "she was only here to steal my government supplied vitamin buiscuits every friday", along with "I thought Ingerlish people wore boe ties" and "can't we bring back that yank bitch from last term - at least she spoke spanish"
The Ecuadorian government, tried to intervene, but were unusually corrupted by the bribes paid by organisations such as GAP AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS and GLOBAL CHALLENGTH who charged each gapper £4000 or $6,0000000 (current conversion £ to US$ Dec 2007) to teach english as a foreign language.
Currently the situation has yet to be resolved, and many gappers have written home to Mummy and Pops for more bribery money so that they can continue to improve the education of these schoolkids in English, by the modern method of "preventing them from learning how to spell in Spanish". Meanwhile, they eat tapas and fancy cocktails in downtown Quito, or shop in Quicentro - the world's largest Quiche Factory.
[edit] History
Lonely Ranger and Tonto discovered Ecuador in 1875, but they couldn`t care less about it. The local tribe known as Ecuations, led by Tukan the First, fought with the two North American Conquerers, but they lost. After that lots of people were born in Ecuador, but the World doesn`t know about any of them, well except Lorena Bobbit.
In Ecuador there was a Chinese guy called Young Been Cho. When he came everyone got a disease called YBCIG, it means Young Been Cho is gay. He was too gay that no one wanted to fuck him, so he had to pay the guy so he fucks him. Then Young Been Cho created a computer on his own too play Tibia in Riocentro, but he sucked at it. His computer was called DELL. For More information enter to Dell.
Another famous ecuadorian goes by the name of Marcos Henrich (not gay, but likes bananas anyway.) He is currently in Massachusetts indoctrinating the Daughters of the American Revolution to eat with their feet. high five!
The first president of Ecuador was Lorena Bobbit, in 1666. She brought great advances to Ecuador during her government, such as scissors, trains and iphones. During her third year of government, the Ecuadorian revolution arose. Lorena Bobbit was taken away from the Carondelet palace, imprisoned in the Quicentro (a prison dating to the inca times). Her children were taken away, her husband was beheaded and six months later, she was tied to a rock and thrown into the Machangara river (this, of course, before it was poluted)
On present times, Ecuador is under an Absolute Monarchy ruled by the Mae family. The queen is Bertha Shaquafafa Mae Mae Mae Jeffrey Pazmiño Patiño Triviño Petrucci, , by the Grace of God, Dowager Ecuadorian Queen; Queen of Pichincha, of Azuay, of Chimborazo, of Tabacundo, of Tena, of Napo, of Zamora Chinchipe, etc; Archduchess of Pujili; Duchess of Cumbaya, of el Cajas, of Papayacta and of Baños; Grand Princess of Ambato; Margravine of Cuenca; Duchess of Riobamba, of Otavalo, of Bahia, of Chone, of Chunchi, of Upper and Lower Quito, of Guayaquil, of Ilalo, of Parma, of Piacenza, of Guastalla, of Auschwitz and of Zator; Princess of Swabia; Princely Countess of Habsburg, of Flanders, of Tyrol, of Hennegau, of Kyburg, of Gorizia and of Gradisca; Margravine of Burgau, of Upper and Lower Lusatia; Countess of Namur; Lady on the Wendish Mark and of Mechlin; Dowager Duchess of Lorraine and Bar, Dowager Grand Duchess of Loserland. Her royal residence is built at 3.3 kilometers to the north-west of Latacunga, where she resides and governs. Part of her royal court include the Pirannha Duchess, the Caiman Count and the Princess Dragon.
“"I've never met a queen with such an ugly voice, she sounds like a man!" !”
~ Oscar Wilde on... on Bertha Mae
[edit] Cuarenta
This is the national sport of Ecuador. It replaced football (soccer) in 2007, after FIFA (The Football International Fixing and Acrobatics Club decided that Ecuador was "just too high" (not a reference to Coca leaves) to play football and should play at sea level. Since the decision, Ecuador has decided to respond to any future decision by FIFA to reduce the altitude further by submitting plans of building a stadium below the sea, close to city of Guayaquil. Sponsership rights for the stadium has been won by INKA KOLA, who plan to paint the stadium luminous yellow and misspell all words including a letter C with a K.
Cuarenta involves the use of 2 or 4 organisms (human or monkey form), some playing cards, and a table (in the coastal lowlands, stale bread has been known to suffice as a table).
The object of the game is to reach 40, and as a rule, older players generally have an advantage. This can be achieved by any manner possible, although typically biting off noses, flicking bottles tops into peoples eyes, and playing Christina Aguilera music are common tactics to distract the opposition and win the game.
Each year, a National Cuarenta Championship is held on the 40th of April, with a grand prize of a guided tour of the Quito Municipal Water treatment facility. In 2007, Alvaro Noboa and his pet monkey were declared world champions.
[edit] Geography
Geographically diverse, the terrain in Costaguana can be divided into three main regions; places where you are likely to die of dengue or malaria, places where you are likely to freeze or starve to death, and places where the piranhas and cannibals race to get to you first. There is also a legend about some rocky islands filled with strange and dangerous creatures belonging to Ecuador far off the coast in the Pacific Ocean, but the fear of the edge of the world keeps many an Ecuadorean explorer from seeing if this is true. The mythical islands are called Los Galapagos, which, when translated into English means Here be dragons!!
[edit] Geology
The geology of Ecuador could be described as quite hilly, or good for hiding Inca treasures inside. Ecuador is famous for several Volcanoes and famous mountain peaks, including the Volcano Cotopaxman at 33m in height, named after Jeremy Paxman, the infamous British Newsreader who once ate an Ecuadorian banana. The Volcano Chimbonda at 34m (this volcano ate slightly more beans as a child than Cotopaxman) is named after Pascal Chimbonda, a Tottenham Football player famous for playing for a shit team and once the discoverer of this volcano after he stuck his head out of a boeing 747 on the way home to Guadalope.
The galapagos islands are also geology and are created by the explosive diarrhea of massive sea urchins that live on the sea floor. The composition of the rock this creates has the composition of Smarties - a popular British snack to eat at the theatre.
Famous geologists to have studied Ecuador include:
Michael Barrymore Enrique Inglesias Venessa Feltz Moira Stewart Dame Vera Lynn
[edit] See also
 | Central America and South America |
| Central: Belize | Costa Rica | El Salvador | Guatemala | Honduras | Kittenolivia | Mexico | New Mexico | Nicaragua | Panama | Panama Canal Zone | |
| South: Argentina (en español) | Bolivia | Brazil (em português) | Republic of Bulimia | Cat Nation | Catspace | Chile (en español) | Colombia (en español) | Easter Island | Ecuador (en español) | Falkland Islands | French Guiana | Galapagos Islands | Guyana | Locombia | Paraguay | Peru (en español) | Seahorsia | Suriname | Uruguay (en español) | Venezuela (en español) |
