Eddie Izzard
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“She's sexier than... woah! It's a guy!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Eddie Izzard
“I LOVE his hair...”
~ Donald Trump on Eddie Izzard
Born in France in 1809, Sir Edward John "Fucking H" Izzard was the son of three lesbians and a frog and can speak fluent Franglais. But before that, there were dinosaurs who were a bit crap so fuck 'em.
Is a big fan of things that go HOD-D-D-D, jam and bees.
Played clarinet as a child, until Mrs. Badcrumble arranged a school concert and he was beaten to death with sticks.
Enjoys stage-diving onto bassoon players, stealing MAC make-up and the occasional stretching from police-men.
Was once famous for appearing on television in order to state that he would NOT appear on television. Currently starring in a television sitcom named 'the Bitches' - King of Contradictions, we know.
Contents |
[edit] This Week in Yemen
-Executive transvestite meeting
-Course on becoming a professional transvestite
-Monkey with a gun assassinates Charlton Heston
-Principles attached to the C of E
[edit] Sexuality
According to this dancing instructor, he is a male lesbian. He is also a wannabe lipstick lesbian. And a male tomboy. And an action transvestite. And an executive transvestite. In other words, he is every man. Every strange man. He also states that most of his fellow squirrel lovers are straight as a ruler. Though, he continues to to be single... He's had sex with me twice. [Three times with me! - Ed.]
[edit] Boob Fetish
This little comic trannie loves boobs. He loves them. He even has a set of his own fake ones. Hand shakes? No; this man does boob shakes. If he likes your boobs, he will sleep with you. This is one of his few characteristics that makes him similar to every other straight man on the planet.
Although said boobs must be attached to fit females under the age of 25. If you're anything but, don't bother trying to sleep with him. He'll look at you like you've lost your mind. Which probably would be the case if you steeled up enough courage to actually try and chat him up.
[edit] His New Beard
Yes, he has grown a beard. Yes, he is still mister Executive, Action transvestite. I think he's planning on shaving it off after 'the Bitches'... he better be if he plans on staying steady with me...
[edit] Filmography
-Standup-
- Infinite Particles
- Going in Circles
- God DAMN, I'm Sexie
- Unglorious
- Repeatable
- Breasts that Kill
- Live at the Bastards
-Film-
- Thornberry
- River's billions
- Spiking Babies
- All the queer's men
- Velvet Goldfinger
- My Super Ex-Goldfish
-Television-
- The Bitches
- Doctor Who
[edit] The Bitches
Starring with Minnie Driver (a British actress) as parents in an American family who steal the lives of people they killed. The accents are fittingly bad. I mean,really. One's south western sounding and the other is... british american.
[edit] Evil Plans.
Eddie Izzard is currently planning world domination with his transvestite army and the cunning use of flags. The plan is people will be stunned about how fabulous they look that they will be taken by surprise as Emperor of the world Eddie Izzard will demand an answer to the question "Cake or Death?" from every person on earth.
[edit] The Duck Conspiracy
Eddie Izzard is currently an anti-duck activist, spreading the word about the Tyranny of Ducks and doing everything he can to make sure their evil deeds are known. Please help Eddie by chasing after Ducks and making them fly away. It is quite the phenomenon. Ducks may be plotting world domination, but they waddle away on their little ducky webbed feet every time a human gets near. Perhaps this is why we have survived thus far. Please, continue to exploit these weaknesses. All 372 of Eddie's grandchildren deserve to be raised in a world not ruled by ducks. As Eddie himself said, "All 372 of my grandchildren deserve to be raised in a world not ruled by ducks. Please help make this possible."
