Edinburgh
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| WARNING This article pertains to Scottish things, dae nothin tae to fix this. It is recommended that while reading this article you wear a kilt, drink Irn-Bru, eat Jock pies and sing Auld Lang Syne loudly. Failure to observe these precautions could cause you unexpected distress and a life of misery in Falkirk. | 
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“I often think of Edinburgh as the Athens of the north, the sexualy suggestive hoots from builders and that rundown feel thats caused by more than just open sewers”
~ Oscar Wilde on Edinburgh
{{Q I think Edinburgh isn't what it used to be Margaret from the apprentice an edinburgh}}
Edinburgh, or, to give it its technical name, Edin mu pont frexis a la monte, is the largest of the seven mobile cities of the World. Currently broken down in the centre of Glasgow in Scotland, the city now shows extensive wind, rain, and bagpipe damage on its outer fringes. Edinburgh has been at war with Glasgow ever since 1989 when it broke down, crushing the entire centre of the ill-fated Scottish capital. While Glasgow has since recovered from the damage caused enough to win the Nobel Peace Prize in 2003, feelings between the two cities are at an all-time low, and violence escalated recently when Edinburgh Castle (not to be confused with Stirling Castle) was replaced by a jelly sculpture of Oscar Wilde by a pair of mischievous Glaswegians. However, the Arch-Rabbi of Edinburgh, Lionel Blue, remains confident that peace talks with Glasgow will be successful, and the city will be able to maneuver out of its current location by mid-2011. Edinburgh's primary export is wind, which it manufactures in its many picturesque streets. It is arguably most notorious for being a self-confessed attempted showcase capital by the Scottish Executive, who in effect ethnically cleanse the working class, relocating them to freeze and starve to death in shanty towns such as Armadale, Grangemouth, Falkirk, Motherwell and Liechtenstein. Serious cases of the Herpes and Piles in Fife.
Edinburgh is a satellite town of nearby Dalkeith. It orbits in a roughly circumnavigation course around Dalkeith.
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[edit] History
Edinburgh was the fifth mobile city to be constructed, and was built in Norway in 1762 as part of an elaborate tax dodge. Since its creation Edinburgh has traveled to every continent on the Globe, except Euthanasia, from which all Mobile Cities are banned, due to laws against immigration. It remains the only city to have broken down, although Durham no longer exists, having been destroyed outright by alligators during its time in The Russian Congo.
The poet Robert Burns once spent three weeks in Edinburgh looking for his hat. It is a little known fact that he also spent three days trying to decide what socks to buy.
During the mid 20th century, Edinburgh's gravitational field inverted causing most of the city's population to walk on their heads. The phenomenon has been blamed on God trying to circular breathes.
[edit] Texan Influences
Vice Admiral Commander George Bush XVI of the Mobile ChronoRetrevial Squadron of the Imperial Regime of Texas's Super Royal Time Correction Force Delta 5 Omega traveled to Norway in the early 1760's to fully fund and provide the plans for Edinburgh. The mechanisms in the city were set so that on December 21, 2012, the city would awaken as Texas's vehicle for conquest.
[edit] Tourist Attractions
- The Scot Monument, Scotland's failed attempt at a space rocket.
- The Drunks who hang out at Hunters Square (recently renamed Drunkard's Square).
- Me standing right over there, with that bottle of Buckfast
- The Junkies in the toilets at Hunters Square.
- Blood stained streets on Lothian road early hours of a Saturday morning after the hell disaster carnage that is a Friday night out in Scotlands capital.
- The Scene Kids around the corner from hunter square (Now in control of the Goth Mafia)
- Forrester Park the birth place of L Crabbe who infected 38% of the world population with genital lice and gave the name to the disease i.e. crabs.
- New language Petrolanish only spoken at Budget on Stevenson road by the new manager "Budgie". Language name roughly translates to talk a lot of shiteish. Although he will approach you black and ranting in petrolanish tongues he is harmless really although it is not advisable to let him touch you with his fingers.
- Easter Road-- Home of the ugly, smelliest, junkie outcasts of the city.
- Gorgie- Land of genetic anomalies caused by the local brewery spouting foul chemicals into the air. Known to attract unsavory characters including Graham Rix and Gary MacKay.
- New disease also discovered infecting a young man of 19 who is on display at the museum in the city. Disease has now been named as waynecannaepasshistestium. Doctors think it a close relative of the older virus marymoanaboothercardium.
- Oxgangs a large highly guarded area to the west of the city, which is inhabited by a smelly disfigured alien species.
- Linlithgow a town to the west of the city inhabited by an inbred moronic species with their heads stuck up their arses. Famous for the art of cardboard boat making.
- The Goth Mafia on Cockburn Street (named after a famous Morningside medical condition, but locals pretend it is pronounced co-burn).
- The Neds who run about hitting anyone who doesn't have a collection of Burberry clothes.
- Muirhouse: Literally the city's asshole
- Edinburgh park: the most evil place on earth
- South Queensferry: The land of the Fairies - this gentle village just outside Edinburgh is seen as a refuge to buddhist monks in the racist capital.
- Leith: Abandon all hope all ye who enter here...
- Note: The Drunkards and the Scene Kids are in a monthly rotation between Hunter's and bistro square.
- Legend has it that if you go to the outskirts of Edinburgh you will encounter a fat smelly almost gorilla like creature in the area surrounding ladywell Livingston. If you come across this creature please do not approach but run as fast as you can as it carries all kinds of diseases and will not hesitate to attack you
- Conor Tiernan found in Pollock halls is one of Edinburgh's most renowned lashers and is a must see for any tourists!
- The Meadows - an area of grass land in the city which was the start point for every single episode of Treasure Hunt, until Anneka Rice's helicopter was overrun by neds.
