Eeyore

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“He was actually my inspiration for my character on 'Friends'.”

~ David Schwimmer on Eeyore

“All the greats, Edgar Allen Poe, Chopin, Mozart, Shakespeare...owe a debt to that jackass.”

~ Some Asshole Who Talks about Movies on Eeyore

“I don't watch cartoons! Why are you asking me?”

~ Chuck Norris on Winnie the Pooh

“He's a jackass.”

~ Paul Teutul, Sr. on Eeyore

God-damn! What an ass! Shake that ass! Shake it you dirty ass! I'd like to jack that ass! Jackass!

Eeyore (b. March 18 1970) is a character in the book series Winnie the Pooh, written by The Lead Singer of The Cure. He is a pessimistic, gloomy, old, stuffed donkey who pisses and moans constantly. Did I forget emo?

Physically, Eeyore is described as a pudgy purple mother fucker. He has a long tail, of which he is very fond, but also prone to losing. Whenever he loses his tail, he muses to his friends about committing suicide. They typically interpret this as a cry for attention, and they ignore him.

[edit] Shrek Controversy

During casting calls for the children's movie, Shrek, Eeyore was granted an audition for the part of the character, "Donkey." He felt that he was a shoe-in for the part, being the only actual cartoon donkey called in to speak for the part. Eeyore claimed to have been promised the part and was shocked to learn that some talentless hack had beaten him out in the end. The director of the film claimed that Eeyore just "lacked the fucking balls" to work with someone so masculine... and Michael Myers too.

Eeyore, decked out in the garb that inspired a musical movement.

[edit] Influence on Popular Culture

• It is widely believed that Eeyore's personality, and relationship with (and subsequent breakup from) Emo-Hitler have served as the primary inspiration for The Emo Movement.

• Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy is rumored to have mimicked Eeyore's detachable tail by severing his own penis and reattaching it with a rusty nail and some duct tape.

• The band, Slipknot recorded a song called "Eeyore" although the lyrics are completely unrecognizable like all Slipknot songs, so nobody knows what the fuck it's about.

• Eeyore was the inspiration for the one and only time that Kenny killed himself.

• Surgeon General Warning: Direct exposure to Eeyore can be hazardous to the health of pregnant women. Continued exposure can actually impregnate men.

• Popular anti-depressant drug, Zoloft contracted Eeyore's name an image for the marketing of their product for a time.