Election
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“I r t3h v0ter.â€
An election is a democratic procedure, in which people choose soulless cash whores who they feel will bullshit them best. After the polls close, the people finally discover who they feel is the best corrupt bullshitter. This bullshitter assumes their elected position, representing the wealthy and corrupt until the next election comes along.
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[edit] Election campaigns
Prior to an election, the soulless cash whores participate in campaigns, in order to gain support of their constituent commoners. They attempt to prove their qualifications as soulless cash whores by attempting to obtain as many photographs reading books to child negroids, and reiterate the fact that homos are bad (or okay at best), as much as possible.
During this time, the cash whores gather the money from their corporate overlords, for whom they will make decisions as elected officials. Many who oppose the cash whores still help elect them, because taking small steps for positive change must involve reinforcing corruption, and the cash whores are just so good at what they do. In political debates, politicians say effective, clever things about one another like "Liar Liar Pants on Fire!"
[edit] Election victory
Within months of election victory, the soulless cash whore assumes their elected position. In many cases, they go far above and beyond their call of elected duty. They are given a period of years to fulfill their obligations to their wealthy overlords, and if they are unsatisfactory, during the next election the people can replace them with an even better societal succubus demon.
[edit] Historical Elections
[edit] Gush v. Bore (2000 U.S. Presidential)
The United States 2000 Presidential election is the most notable in modern history. It was a tight race between Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber. It is a shining example of elections/corruption in action!
[edit] Vote or Die
- Sen. Sean "P. Diddy" Combs (WI) launched a controversial campaign during the 2000 Presidential Campaign, promising to add an amendment to the constitution where anyone failing to vote for Bush would be given the death penalty. Suprisingly for a politician, he failed to keep his promises; angering the white middle-class demograpic responsible for most of his music sales. His country music career has taken a nosedive since.
[edit] Hussein v. Hussein (2000 Iraq Presidential)
While this election only offered the option of voting for a tyrant, or choosing "no" and getting tortured and shot, it is praised by critics of the electoral process in the United States as it offered more diversity in ideology and options than do most American elections.
[edit] 2006 US House Election
| Party | Seats | Popular Vote | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 2004 | 2006 | +/− | % | Vote | % | +/− | |||
| Democratic Party | 202 | 0 | -202 | 0 | 0 | 0% | -100% | ||
| Republican Party | 232 | 0 | −232 | 0 | 0 | 0% | –100% | ||
| Make Kevin Federline Go Away Party | 1 | 435 | +434 | 0 | 60,000,000 | 100% | +100,000% | ||
| Others | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1,305,803 | 1.7% | –1.9% | ||
| Total | 435 | 435 | 0 | 100.0% | 666 | 100.0% | 0 | ||
| Voter turnout: 36.8 % | |||||||||
