Elephant

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Danger

Elephants are watching you! remember to pick your freinds pockets!

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Elephants are a species of animal renowned for their short stature and unusually short nose, which in fact extends inisde it's body and can only smell it's bodily nutrients. Another feature of the elephant is it's oil and diamond encrusted tusks, which are used in the wild to make more attractive to hunters and die easily.

[edit] Supposed origins for the elephant

One supposed origin is that the elephant is the evolved form of the pokemon phanpy, except there's a great chance that this theory is stupid and so are you. Another possibility is that the elephant evolved from the Icthysaurus, which was the only dinosaur to come close to the elephant's diminutive stature. Quantam physicists believe that the elephant came about like this:

Of course their is the distinct possibility that this is a load of waffling craftily crafted to look like it actually means something. Like Creationism. The alternative theory is that Jesus did it.

[edit] Sexuality

Elephants are the only animals that are bisexual. When they are in heat, they act heterosexual. When they are in chill, they act homosexual. If an elephant gets pregnant, they wait 2 years. After that, they lay giant eggs with an elephant baby inside. Except they are mammals, so this creates a quantam paradox. P.S. you should really help those drunken elephants lately.

even a child knows this:

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[edit] The Elephant in Art

A child scientist climbs into the world of the elephant artistic history ride.

Elephants have appeared in many forms of media. Like for instance, bubble blowing elephants have appeared in the Walt Disney film Fantasia.

They also appeared in the many novels like The Chronicles of Narnia, 1984, Tom Sawyer, and Oliver Twist.

[edit] The Elephant in Mathematics

Elephant < Elephant + 7 is an important mathematical identity which states that for any given elephant, it will always be less than that same elephant plus the number 7. As the discoverer of this identity once put:

“Wow! This equation is even more amazing than that Euler crap!”

~ Richard Feynman on Elephants

The identity has two important implications in the fields of mathematics and farming:

• To the relief of many farmers and people likely to be squashed by an elephant whilst on safari, elephants can't be much bigger than themselves.
• Numbers can be added to regular stuff, despite what those guys in white coats led us to believe.

Also, this implies that if the corn is as high as an elephant's eye, then the height of the corn is less than the elephant's eye + 7.

[edit] Proof of the identity

Although it is the by-product of hundreds of years of intense mathematical studies, proof of this identity is simple and fairly intuitive. Watch!

Firstly, we acknowledge that:

x < x + k, where k > 0

Thus, for k = 7, for all values of 7 where 7 > 0:

x < x + 7

Where x can take any value. Any value at all. Think of anything, and x can take it. Pretty manly in that regard. Therefore, we simply say:

let x =

And thus:

< + 7

[edit] Historical use

Just watch out when they shit...

Although it has only been expressed so eloquently in recent times, the basic principle was known to such primitive civilisations as the Ancient Greeks and even the Americans. For example, farmers dating back to ancient times noticed the peculiar fact that no matter how big their elephants got, they never got more than 7 ahead of themselves.

More recently, Greek philosophers attempted to add 7 to an elephant, and always found that the elephant was smaller than the sum. It was only in 1999 that mathematicians finally put elephant and 7 together to come up with the formula above.

At many points in history, scholars have attempted to add 7 to other animals and objects, with mixed results. Many animals follow the same rule, but it has been generally found that elephants are the most effective. It is probable that the trunks and tusks of elephants evolved to take advantage of the extra space between themselves and something 7 more than themselves, and their extreme size now prevents violation of the identity. Genetic experiments with long-nosed rats to test this idea are at an early stage.

[edit] The Elephant and Corn

Elephants are used as a tool for measuring corn height. According to the United States Constitution, corn may only be harvested when it reaches the eye of an elephant. Most corn farmers own at least one elephant for measuring purposes. Smaller farms generally rent an elephant during harvest season. In areas where small corn farms are common, at least one circus will generally be found, supported primarily by elephant rentals.

[edit] The Elephant and Corn ... holes

Who says elephants don't masturbate?

[edit] Elephants Are Afraid of Mice

Yes, I'm afraid it's true. Elephants are afraid of mice! No one knows why. Maybe they're just afraid of being tickled.

[edit] The Future of the Elephant

The elephant population is now up to 1,000,000. Because elephants are really strong, smart, friendly, and magical, they have signed a peace treaty with humans that they can live side by side if there is enough ice cream to go around. In the Jungle the mighty jungle the elephant eats your mother. A wumba way a wumba way a wumba way.

[edit] See also

• Asian elephant
• Dancing Elephant
• Pasketmaul - A sport played aboard elephants.
• The melancholy of runaway elephants
• Snuffleupagus

[edit] Trivia

• People named Stephen have strange attractions to Elephants especially to their ears.