Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ...that walking backwards makes you gain weight?
- ...that Phil the mechanic has the keys to my garage?
- ...that he who smelt it, dealt it?
- ...that he who denied it, supplied it?
- ...that he who said the rhyme, did the crime?
- ...that everyone's getting pretty darned annoyed with that accordion-playing of yours?
- ...that the Internet is a series of tubes?
- ...that Patriotism is the number two cause of battlefield fatalities, surpassed only by improper foot care?
- ...that contrary to popular belief, it actually isn't all in the wrist?
- ... that Nostradamus was regarded as one of the best prophecy writers of the 13th century, penning the bestsellers The Da Vinci Code and 1984 which both won Ivor Novello Awards for their lyrical content? Most prophets of his generation were stoned, but he was more unconventional, preferring to inject marmite.
- ...that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
- ...that the 24 Hours of LeMons includes such penalties as tarring and feathering a racer's car and crushing a car via audience vote?
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Recent deaths
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- Man, I wanted sex ed when I was in Kindergarden!
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Today sucks because...
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 The infamous mug shot of the Kool-Aid Man. Heh-heh, "mug" shot. July 24: Murderous Rampage Day
- 3,000,000,000 B.C. Oxygen invented by plants. Generally seen to be a bad idea.
- 6th day: God creates man. Appalled by man’s incompetence, God begins his murderous rampage
- 30,000 BC: The first homo sapien to discover fire burns to death after stepping in his own campfire. His friends begin their murderous rampage.
- XXX: Porn stars get angry at being "used" and begin their murderous rampage.
- 1487: Citizens of Leeuwarden, Netherlands begin a murderous rampage against ban on foreign beer.
- 1847: The Mormons found Salt Lake City, Utah. They waste all their salt after five hours and begin their murderous rampage.
- 1966: The Kool-Aid Man begins his murderous rampage.
- 1970: Howard Dean screams, and begins his murderous rampage.
- 1972: Kurt Cobain screams, and begins his murderous rampage —— on himself.
- 1974: The United States Congress asks Richard Nixon to surrender White House tapes. His response? He screams and begins his murderous rampage.
- 1987: Oscar Wilde is misquoted for the first time. The world's historians scream and begin their murderous rampage.
- 1990: Benjamin Franklin is also misquoted, but nobody cares about him. His spirit screams and begins his murderous rampage.
- 1992: A dislexic man is fed up about his condition, so he tries to write a note to his psychiatrist about beginning a "merderis rahmpag".
- 1995: Howard Dean's trial stops after it is found that his "murderous rampage" was directed not at human beings, but at pillows. The jury screams and begins their murderous rampage.
- 2005: Responsible Citizen mini-game is discovered in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Hillary Clinton screams and begins her murderous rampage.
- 2006: Y'all better watch out. My day is getting pretty fucked up as it is.
- July 24, 2006: The word murderous rampage discovers how badly it has been overused, screams, and goes on itself.
- 2020: 20/20 sues God for copyright infringement. They don't scream, but they do begin their murderous rampage.
- 21XX: The Reploid is introduced. They soon turn Maverick and begin their murderous rampage.
- 2200: The Japanese build the first giant Hello Kitty mech. It soon turns Maverick and begins its murderous rampage.
- 500,000,000,000: The sun gets angry and begins its murderous rampage, destroying the solar system.
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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