Emo-Hitler

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“His brave actions were truly inspirational! i'd have never written A Woman Of No Importance without EmoHitler”

~ Oscar Wilde on Emo Hitler

Emo-Hitler in 1946.

Emo-Hitler in 2005.

Emo-Hitler is the latest incarnation of the Third Reich's brutal overlord.

[edit] History

After suffering a terrible defeat at the hands of popular kid, another of his younger brothers Mike Patton, and Grigory Zhukov, Hitler's crack whore girl friend was discontent but obligated beyond hope girlfriend Eva Braun she never broke up with him or the lifestyle but as obliged dedicated to the cause, ghosts of the future were slow to haunt and were thought to have died. Hitler nearly committed suicide, but instead he fled in a secret base under the South Pole, were his closest allies were known to frequent. A famous cartoon character Mr. Ross was formed and heavily propoganded amongst the marked market however it was more popular than expected and short term gains clung to after the point of worth. His earlier defeats combined with his desolate surroundings led to a permanent state of depression and feelings of invincibility, for a Germany's Führer of new culture this was a chance to express arragance and fertility. He first was prominent in creating armies of jet blackened genetically modified men, with trained timing and absolute jurisdication that could be counted upon with their sole duty of suppressing and secresizing those of known intellectual and stylistic threat (due to prolonged deleterious thwarts on part of the upcoming but terribly emotionally crippled pre-pubertals of the era {1980-89}, underclass modern worldedness society) shortly after his remaining friends were hanged for crimes against humanity in 1946, d marking his first official appearance as the self-styled Emo-Hitler.

Once it was destroyed by the now unsupressesed and given up people that were far from pubertal now, the pain was less and not as absolute, nor was the fear of retaliation but it is not seen many times giving speeches on Wednesday nights shows of life are the only real things; if not, he is working on his new band, the stragelers ", they r actually jet in their blackness.

Acromegaly was supported through the compulsory use of growth hormones on teenaged peoples of the 50's and it sporned the understanding that a few of post nazi Germans have shared to create Goth and the delicious Emo manifestations that now exist.

[edit] A New Führer for a New Time

Depressed by the triumph of Bolshevism, Hitler decided to quit the political game and instead he began to think of himself as a poet and musician. His first poem, OH NO! MEIN REICH HAS FALLEN! served as an emotional release for Hitler. In it, he described in lurid detail murdering his political and military opponents. His next effort, Happy Song for Blondi, was dedicated to his loyal pooch. Hitler became further depressed when he found out that Reichminister Goebbels had not really taken Blondi to a "beautiful, beautiful farm" out in the Bavarian countryside, and had instead put her to sleep after raping her numerous times. Thankfully, she was to emerge from this deep sleep later to reincarnate as Paris Hilton, whose secret lover is Geoff Christmas, a fact not generally well known asdf

Fan-art of Emo-Hitler. Created around 1941

[edit] Celebrity Gay Banger

In the depths of his deepest depression after losing the "open-mic lyric contest" at Uncle Joe's College to American J-Owens and the mysterious "raper" The Rhapsodist, Hitler found relief in the song "Every Rose has its Thorn". He was amazed at the connection he could make between his emotional suffering and the pain laid out in the song. After freestyling with legendary rap star James Cobb, Emo-Hitler was offered the post of director of the Office of Multicultural Affairs, which he accepted. He then put aside his dreams for a career in man porn. He performed countless dirty acts on Celebrities like John Travolta, Justin Timberlake, and 50 cent. Five years later, when he was twenty, his father raided Hitler's Enzyte stash for an exciting evening with his 1,000th wife Jean. In anger, Hitler stole his father's secret stash of crack and got high. Hitler stole his father's M-16 and started blowen the fuck out of his daddy. Then, Emo Hitler was so depressed he slit his wrists and yelled in pain. He needed something to get his mind off the pain, so he started to masturbate. The pleasure healed his body and soul. He then thanked the God of Emos, Skiizzor, and then he started his art career all over again. You can see his semi-famous painting "Weh mir, oh weh", depicting a man raping a snake in a pit of sewage. the meaning behind this painting is still unknown, as well as it's relation to it's name.

[edit] Recent History

Hitler was never actually emo he was more of a gothic wanna be oh wait thats emo. after his many efforts to destroy the jews he forgot to slit his wrists on a daily basis. in which leading to a series of long and painful battles with his mother in law. Emo-Hitler was elected to Supreme Potentate of Peru in 2008, and had a direct hand in the Great Peruvian Hole in Condoms Crisis of 2009, although he denies ever being involved. He also claims that no one understands him, and that he'd be better off if everyone just forgot he ever existed. His actions during the Condom Crisis led directly to the Emocaust. The Emocaust was a dreadful occasion when Hitler and his misunderstood friends put all of the people would did not understand them in cages and then proceeded to play My Chemical Romance at them, in hopes to turn them emo too. But the people were not pathatic losers and did not start crying in the dark. Emo-Hilter was so infuriated by this that he slit all of their wrists and then attempted suicide in a misguided call for attention.

In October 2005, as a result of his increased web-presence in this article, Emo-Hitler started his own Livejournal so that the world might be better informed of his accomplishments. Which included touching little boys, raping his dog, goats, and mice daily, and sticking pineapples up his ass. His page can be reached here [1], and is entitled "the Crying Wolf".

In April 2006, Emo-Hitler made one more attempt at Gangsta Rap... with a twist. He added some emoness to which tasted good too. Here is an excerpt from one of his new songs entitled Steve Hitler:

It's H to the itler ya'll

H to the Izzle

Jews to the showers

Slit mein wrizzle and suck das dizzle

I am not fronting.

I'm really gonna do it, frau

I'm gonna do it right now.

I have done it once and I'll do it again

Ich bin going to fokkin' kill that fizzle

Though most people aren't aware of it, Emo-Hitler's moustache cuts itself(as well as his lawn), making him able to look good any day of the week. After Trinny and Suzanne tried to tell Hitler "What not to Wear", he locked himself in his shower room for two weeks and wondered why there was no water coming out of the pipes. That was until, he accidentally gased himself with what he thought was a My Chemical Romance CD, and then found himself reincarnated into a Jewish family as a Left-Handed Nerd with a slight Lazy Eye.

[edit] Looking To The Future

Emo-Hitler poses for a poster promoting his new clothing line, called "Out to Auschwitz", soon to be in Hot Topics and clairs stores everywhere

Eventually, Emo Hitler gets bored and decides to translate the Harry Potter books into a language that emo people can understand. While the future novel titles are unknown, it has been released that the first book will be entitled "Harry Potter and the Throat-Slitting, Heart-Bleeding Sorcerer's Kidney Stone" and the second to be called "Harry Potter and the Blood-Filled Chamber of Secrecy, Lying and Death Inside my Broken Battered heart". Many theorize that this will cause an uproar amongst his Neo-Nazi Christian fans, and as a result Emo-Hitler will kill them all and force them to join Gollum in Hell (their punishment will be having to watch the movies "Flipper" and "The Faculty" over and over again), which he will at that point own.

As part of Emo Hitlers final solution, he decides to move to Blackpool, where he buys a bed and breakfast and serves continental breakfasts to old age pensioners for eternity. He decides to go back to his roots and write depressing poetry about him and his closest friend Heinrich Himmler. He then continues to eternally rape all people of the earth because he is an emo, and creates the worlds very first Suicide Booth.

One of Emo Hitler's latest, and by far greatest works:

Mein Kampf

Mein life ist like ein dark abyss,
Das struggle und das strife,
Down die street, nicht across der road,
Wrists cut mit das knife.

I kiss Heinrich to impress der fraus,
Alas it does nicht work,
They laugh and point at my penis,
And thus it stays inert.

Die jews, die blacks, die communists,
All score mit die Frau,
Woe ist me und Heinrich,
No verdant field to plow.

Das knife hast missed mein slender wrist,
Und stuck into mein leg,
Ich bin massive failure,
Mein Kampf ist I'm not dead.

Mein Wounds
Crawling in mein skin,
Das wounds, they will not heil!