Esc

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Esc key away from the others.

“Here's my ESC key. Use it well, my son.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the ESC key

“è...ska...pay!”

~ Dory on below

“WO IST DIE ESCAPE-TASTE!!!!!1!!11one!!”

~ Angry German Kid on Escape key

“Why is the escape button so far away from the others? Because its ugly!”

~ Peter Griffin on Keyboard

“It's what George W. Bush doesn't want to do in Iraq”

~ Oscar Wilde on Escape

Esc (pronounced @'##~~][#&&*^%) is the first letter of the alphabet, not to be confused with the Any key. The Esc stands for Evil Sham Charade. For some reason some people believe it to stand for escape, but this is a common error. The esc key does not in fact escape from anything. It is set firmly in place. It appears to be trying to escape from the other keys, but that is just because it has bad social skills.

Bird pressing the ESC key to flee danger.

The Esc key really does nothing like what it says it does. Most keys make a symbol on the screen resembling the key pressed or does the command printed on it. The Esc key, however, does neither. It is an evil sham charade, made by the computer manufacturers to frustrate and confuse the computer owners. The Esc key is very deceptive. Do not be fooled by its false promise of an 'escape', but instead be weary of the false hope on your computer, even before you turn it on and get dragged into an online pyramid scam. The button actually hates you for touching it.

1 Uses
2 Name Origin(s)
- 2.1 Chinese Theory
- 2.2 Greek Theory
3 See Also

[edit] Uses

In the case that a single press of the ESC key does not resolve a situation, it is probably due to insufficient forthrightness. Repeated hammering with increasing force is recommended.

Also a good practice to do is to take a tube of super glue and pour half the tube down in it... And then hold the key down for a minute or so and then release it... Now you'll never have to press it again.

It is reported that Apple Macintosh Computers include multiple escape keys, colored different translucent shades to match the user's mood.

ESC keys are banned from all prison computers ever since the Great Alcatraz Typists Escape of 1969.

It is also a key when pressed, links directly to a website hosted in Tuvalu, and causes spyware to be downloaded and turn your computer into a zombie. It also detect whether you are on dial-up modem, and if so, download a premium rate dialler, at $100.00 per minute! If you have an account with Habbo Hotel, someone will steal all your furni! If not, it will Habbo you as a bogeyman who like to eat kittens for breakfast.

[edit] Name Origin(s)

[edit] Chinese Theory

It is much less known that the true origin of the term "ESC" come from an ancient Chinese language that time forgot called "Chinese". When the Americans raided China after the second world war, they soon found themselves severely bored with all these "Cock Sucking Ethnics", so to escape their boredom they often killed the Chinese townsfolk out of sheer boredom. Chinese scholars wrote about how the American soldiers would kill the Cock Sucking Ethnics" (CSE) by mashing them into the ground to escape the horrors of boredom, and wrote them down in their sacred pink fluffy diaries. Of course those cock sucking ethnics write from right to left, so when modern intelligent white men were deciphering them they thought that it was saying mashing "ESC" to escape was the correct words to put on a keyboard.

[edit] Greek Theory

The esc letter came from the Greek letter escepsilon. Sadly, people believe that the keypad letter means escape. It actually means escalator and when pushed it is believed to open a doorway to the skies and then Zeusis like "what's up" and tells you the meaning of life.

Remember to not believe this at all...

But the only thing that is real is that the Esc key was 5th president of the U.S.A. Things that it did during its presidency:

successfully got a medal for being touched 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times maybe more.
married your mom and had you. YOU STUPID FUCKER
had sex for the first time (of course)
raped F1,~,!,1 keys
made peace with the furon empire