Eurogamer
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“ If you are not reading this, there really is no point. ”
~ Oscar Wilde on Eurogamer
“ So it's better than Halo? ”
~ Oscar Wilde on Eurogamer
Eurogamer is a part of the Sony plan for world domination on the Lost Continent of Mu. Eurogamer was first conceived as a bastion of moral supremacy after the Great Wall of Mu failed to stem the tide of invading tards that were hell-bent on abolishing grammar, punctuation and logical thought.
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[edit] Community
The main body of Eurogamer consists of fleshy bits of meat curried in Rogan Josh, which is believed to be the etymology of 'Eww rogan er'. Sony has also hired trained monkeys to tend the mashy pit of mucous edible material.
This affinity to curried foods is mainly the reason why the community discussion invariably turns to Master Chef, the star of the cooking action game Halo that earned the highest score in the history of ever-so-critical Eurogamer (8/10).
[edit] Euphemisms
Curtains
- This implies self-gratification with cooking utensils which are then wiped on said curtains.
Jaffa cake, Marmite, Toast
- Also used in self-gratification. Use your imagination.
"She looks like a twelve year old boy." "I still would."
- One of the most prized curries is the 'twelve year old curry' made of little girls that look like little boys. Alternatively children when very young can be worn as mittens.
- Her's, was like a wizard's sleeve.
[edit] Eurogamer forum
The forum is now one of the most important aspects of the Eurogamer site, to the extent that many readers never even bother looking at the main page. Whether as an information resource, social discussion or even occasionally talk about games, if you need to find something out, you can usually get an answer quickly thanks to the many posters.
Through the forum, many video games' presences have been graced with a Eurogamer clan. These consist mainly of online First Person Shooters and Massively Multiplayer games, most notably Battlefield 2, City of Heroes, World of Warcraft and (before the demise of the thread) Eve-Online. Ghost Recon 2 and Flatout were notable console games which were organised through the forum, although, since the launch of the Xbox 360, online matches on consoles are gaining in popularity among the "forumites".
Eurogamer has its own gaming server, aka. "The Dirtbox" in honour of its original administrator which is open to regulars and the general public, currently running Battlefield 2.
Over the years the community has extended beyond the confines of the Internet and there are regular Geekmeets (social occasions usually held in London) and LAN parties where a variety of console and PC games are played.
[edit] Commonly used shorthand and smilies
- (o/ - putting on coat after making a particularly bad joke
- o_O - a look combining disgust, disbelief, pity and incomprehension
- +1 - I agree - only to be used when requiring a severe beating to avoid work or court appearances
- o/ - Hand up
- \o/ - Yay
- /o\ - We bow down in the presence of your infinite daftness
- /curtains - Used to denote a moment of extreme (self induced) happiness
- /goat - As in 'sucks from the coooooooooock of goats'
- /bucket - As in, oh, God, I need to throw up
- FTW As in "For the win". Borrowed from various other gaming forums, roughly equates to "is the best", but often used in jest. Eg. "Rise of the Robots FTW!"
- \o? Scratching head in confusion
- FAO - Used commonly by many of the EG forumites. It means 'For the Attention Of' and is used in thread titles when someone wants to gain the attention of another forumite(s) as the forum software lacks private message (PM) facility. The forum is due for a revision soon, however, and it has been leaked that a PM system may be implemented, as well as a PMS system.
- /// - I'm a sergeant. Fuck off eyes left, I'll have you up on charges, yes sergeant major sir, you 'orrible lot, left, left, left right left, you cunts.
- /coat - when you've stated that you'd rather shag mapsters mum than play the game.
[edit] Running gags
Because many of the regular visitors to the forum have been doing so for years, the Eurogamer community (not surprisingly) has a series of running gags. The ones listed below are not intended to be an exhaustive list, but merely to offer an insight and explanation to newcomers.
- The Eurogamer food of choice is the Jaffa Cake. Often used as a form of "virtual currency" by way of token appreciation.
- Curtains - comes from WOPR's old habit of saying "/wipes dick on curtains" every time something nice happened. "Oldest reference"
- The Eurogamer mode of transport of choice is the motorbike, more commonly referred to as the 'm0t0rb1k3' often used in the question 'Does it have m0t0rb1k35?'.
- Meh - Commonly used by forumites to show their disinterest in any given topic, post or subject.
- (Something) is better than Halo (referring to the 8/10 score that Halo received).
- Mugwum's "inspired" weekly roundups of upcoming games. Sadly defunct it seems. Although it seems that Blerk has recently decided to pick up the 'old misery sums up this week's new releases' baton and run with it. Run, Blerk! Run!
- /handbags - clutched by all when a typically pointless flamewar gets under way with sense of humour failures all round
- PB:SoJ - Primal Badger: Snouts of Justice, a fictional game name created as a satire. Little-known to recent arrivals but much-loved by longer-serving regulars. Spawned a fake site and there are references to an official eurogamer preview.
- "She looks like a 12 year old boy." - (The common response to the posting of an image, normally followed up by "I still would")
- "There really is no point." - after the famous forum thread "if you're getting a xbox360 and have not got a HDTV there really is no point" (Note: the member responsible for the thread has been put on global ignore so his comments are not shown. This was Qualified, referenced to in many other threads.)
- OLD! - Shouted when something has been reported in an older forum thread, location on the site, or on the internet in general. Has been known to generate offence amongst forumites but is generally used in good humour and should be taken so.
- Sock - A codeword for someone that is known to others (usually a regular) but is posting under a different username in an attempt to be funny. This is rarely the case.
- "this thread is useless without pics" - Used when discussing girlfriends, booth babes and embarrassing moments. Oldest usage.
- Threadkiller - A forumite who ends threads. One notable example is Toonster, who has been referred to as the 'EG Forum Plague' in the past. Bunda is picking up the pastime, but the ultimate threadkiller is Tumbleweed, who always knows when to kill a thread.
- And who the f*ck are you? - First used by kalel, and now officially adopted into the EG lexicon. Not meant with any ill intent (most of the time), but particularly useful when a 16k'er or higher attempts to put someone older in their place. Or if someone has been away for a while. Possibly evolved from koti's infamous "And you are..?" question, but this is unconfirmed.
- Furbs "Nan" (aka ZombieWoman) - A particularly nasty and horrible image of an elderly lady with only a headscarf and sunglasses covering her modesty. Known to cause fear and anger among forumites in equal measure. Whilst only posted twice, and late at night, people should still beware any link posted by said contributor, especially ending in "yuck.jpg". It may actually be Furbs' mother. Recently, Furbs has posted a much less obvious link to 'Nan' on other webforums, and then linked to said webforum in the EG forum, also without warning.
- Schmackofatz - Given by eurogamer.de mod "Lea" as a means to cement relationships between the .net and .de sites, the word whilst yet unexplained or defined has already been accepted and adopted by the community. Mainly on account of it sounding good and the fact its been provided by a girl.
- SmileyDudette's obsession with the painfully obvious Japanese ca$hcow game THE iDOLM@STER. She uses this to annoy people when she's asked if she bunking off primary school. (SmileyDudette is 11 this year.)
- Bunda's 'retarded mate'. Not known whether he exists or not, but since the "Massive EG Apology" thread where Bunda blamed the creation of countless useless socks on a retarded mate of his, forumites forum-wide have always been able to state, "uh... it was my retarded mate."
- Planet! Used to point out an obvious advert that is masquerading as a genuine post. Sometimes used as a joke on genuine posts.
[edit] Top posters/Spammers/Slackers
The Eurogamer forum does not use a post count. However, following a server move, the following details were bought to light as to the top twenty people who should find something else to do.
| Forumite | Post Count |
|---|---|
| joeking | 1,500,000 |
| otto | 21839 |
| Lutz | 20041 |
| Mike_Hunt | 18793 |
| BartonFink | 17118 |
| Furbs | 16876 |
| Nemesis | 16300 |
| Blerk | 16252 |
| Whizzo | 15420 |
| vermin | 15087 |
| ssuellid | 14931 |
| rhythm | 12820 |
| Razz | 12757 |
| Dirtbox | 12467 |
| UncleLou | 12242 |
| sam_spade | 11791 |
| Retroid | 11328 |
| k.o.t.i | 10488 |
| kalel | 10435 |
| rotj | -9912 |
This info is correct as of 14/02/06.
[edit] The rotj saga
Rotj was a cyborg created in the year 2043 by Microsoft in order to promote their Xbox 360 system. Unfortunately for humanity something went wrong (possibly due to his designers being Kitten huffers and Nintendo-loving paedophiles) and instead of a highly efficient promotions machine, rotj became a highly illogical fanboy.
Unable to keep on point, rotj began posting randomly, often contradicting himself and making very little sense. The only thing each of his posts had in common was his love of Microsoft and a penchant for posting lists. Soon his lists became too much for several members of the Eurogamer forum, who promptly spat out their collective dummies, threw their toys from the pram and other baby related metaphors. The resulting hissy fit resulted in a waaaaahmbulance being called and the affected forumites taken away to a custom built forum designed so they could navel gaze in peace.
Rotj was finally thwarted in 2007 when after an epic battle that lasted 7 years the forum sages cast him into a parallel universe where he still posts his mind bending rants and lists to this day. It has been foretold that one day rotj will return to wreak havok once again, also referred to as the judgement day.
Despite his strenuous denials, it is known that dixons is rotj's current incarnation. The giveaway is his inability to alter his embarassingly verbose and irritating writing style; the clearest sign of a rotj infiltration is the sudden appearance of a forumite who uses a paragraph to say what others can in three or fewer words.
[edit] The Ecosse chronicles
Ecosse bums innocent rabbits.
Though little is known of Ecosse's origin or motives, his unwavering support and promotion of Nintendo's products have led some forumites to speculate that he is an early AI program created by Shigeru Miyamoto, in his bedroom when he was 5 years old, that was inadvertently set loose. Another prevalent theory is that Ecosse is an alter-ego of the Mario creator, driven insane by producing the same three games over and over again. But because his fanboyism is unusually rabid and therefore more likely to convince people to avoid Nintendo products, others contend that he is, in fact, albundy/rotj/joeking/dixons/cuntyface, a sign of the apocalypse foretold in Eurogamer lore.
