Expletive
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“GO SUCK A PIECE OF SHIT!”
~ Oscar Wilde on expletives
“[expletive deleted]”
~ Richard Nixon on expletives
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your FUCK YOU is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your sea bass.
Contents |
[edit] Complete Unabridged history of SOD use
[edit] First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age sadistically touched his MASTURBATION communist and was so dissatisfied by the results that he humped a MOCKIE and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the hairless scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their BOB SAGET mammoth hunts.
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a CANNED QUOTE for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
[edit] Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say BOB SAGET. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted HO until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
[edit] Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody CUNNILINGUS tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
[edit] Modern Profanity
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called BIRD IN THE HOUSE-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey BASTARD, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
[edit] Advice from real INBRED HELL steak dinners on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
[edit] The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- ASS!!!
- ASSFACE!!!!!
[edit] The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You BEAVER!!!
- You BOB SAGET!!!!
[edit] Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions
- zap in FUCKING A, you BITCH!
- I hope you edify in JESUS H. CHRIST ON A POPSICLE STICK, you COCK!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
[edit] The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This PISS ARTIST PENIS will baste a eel up your FUCKBAG!!!
- This ARSE DUMBASS will graphitize a blow-up doll up your MONKEY'S UNCLE!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
[edit] First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some CUNNILINGUS and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING enumerate a octopus up your CHOAD!!!!
[edit] The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- ASS I'LL RAPE YOU JESUS FUCKING CHRIST JACK OFF SON OF A BITCH BULLCRAP SHITFACE!!
- BOB SAGET BUTTFUCKER PISS FUCK!!!
[edit] A bunch of SOD
DOG SHIT INJUN DIRTY SANCHEZ ASS JIZZ BUKKAKE SEX ASSFACE REDSKIN BITCH FUCKING A CROTCH CAN'T TAKE HIM ANYWHERE FAG NECROPHILIA HELL SMEG DICKHEAD SCROTUM DUMBASS TIT DIRT SON OF A BITCH FROG'S FAT ASS FELLATIO FUCK OFF THONG TASTER PIECE OF SHIT SHITFUCKER JACKASS AUTOFELLATIO FUCK YOU HORSE PENIS JACKASS ASSHOLE DAMNATION HELL JACKASS AY-AY-AY DOG SHIT CHOAD MALL SANTA SHIT SAND NIGGER KRAUT SHITHEAD BASTARD MONKEY SHIT ASS CHOAD FUCK MACACA MASTURBATION BASTARD Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive Template:Expletive BEAVERS
[edit] In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you Template:Expletive.
