Explosion

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“Rub my balls and BOOM!!!”

~ John Madden on explosions

“Guess what. Ka-Boom!!!”

~ Shaq on explosions

An Explosion is the rapid combustion of megahurtz. It is caused by trying to fire a glock.

Explosions are the mortal enemies of lasers. Millions of years ago, long before the birth of mankind and the sticky placenta that followed, lasers and explosions duked it out in a vicious battle for supremacy to see who could be totally awesomer.

Contents 1 Layman's Explanation 2 Effects 3 Creation 4 Where Do They Come From? 5 The War 6 The Truce (aka, the pussy years) 6.1 History 6.2 Explosions in Modern Society 6.3 Utilization 7 Did you know... 8 Other Crap

[edit] Layman's Explanation

When an object (a) interacts with another object (b), there is a fractional part-chance that either a or b will explode. This potentiality is factorising of a number of aspectations, utmost of which is the quantum mass of each object divided by y-14. Y is a situational coefficient known as the Willis Number. This number ranges from -14 to 14, approaching 14 with the increasing wit in one's dialogue.

If qa+qb/(y-14)>36.24, the combusting energies are sufficient to cause an explosion if both objects are experiencing local gravity equal to or less than that of sea-level. The velocity of the new smaller objects (c, d,e and f) can then be calculated by:

[edit] Effects

The most common effect of an explosion is the general amusement of pyromaniacs (see idiot) who were smart enough to view from a safe distance. However there are various others including the incredibly short lifespan of organisms within, and the general creation of smaller pieces of nonliving objects. The production of smaller objects from larger ones is not always the result of an explosion however. A simple way to tell is to measure how far apart the new objects are, as explosions tend to cause these newer objects to fly about all over the place. Other signs include the mean temperature of the objects (higher after an explosion) and how much radiation you absorbed while measuring them. If the level of radiation causes sudden hair loss and/or an embarrassing rash, it is generally safe to assume that the new objects were created by a thermonuclear explosion like that which occurred at Gillgan's Island.

[edit] Creation

There are many ways to bring about an explosion. The most common way is to use the berries that grow on the Explosivious Tree (sometimes called Cherry Bombs), although retrieval of these berries can be dangerous. Best ask an explosion-proof faerie to get them for you.

The following has been deleted by the Patriotism Enforcement Agency because they don't have a sense of humor.

[edit] Where Do They Come From?

Despite what many stupid people believe, explosions are actually sentient creatures. This theory has been met with much argument from a bunch of stupid stupidheads, but they're stupid and they suck, so we'll ignore them. Explosions are well known as large yet timid creatures and can often be found hanging out with gasoline, dynamite, C4, whales, and human heads. When angered, they unleash a fearsome defense mechanism consisting of totally ripping the shit out of anything in their path. Much like bees, explosions die shortly after their attack. The only other cause of explosions is the presence of Chuck Norris, while women melt in the path of other, fine specimens of men, women have been known to have their vital organs ripped out of their body in an instant by the absolute power of Chuck. This sometimes has a similar effect on gay men, but straight men have never been known to explode in the presence of Chuck, a thought of Chuck must be provided to instantly sever their head.

[edit] The War

Throughout the war, the two sides fought viciously and often recruited outside forces for help. Lasers are known for their deadliness when combined with sharks, while the explosions saw a short-term alliance with Oprah Winfrey. The latter was not generally accepted by the majority of explosions, but their government told them all to shut the fuck up and stop bitching, so they did.

Lots of stuff happened and stuff and there were all sorts of weapons and fights and stuff that would just totally blow your mind if you were to ever find out but you can never find out because your puny brain will never be able to handle such vast levels of awesomeness.

[edit] The Truce (aka, the pussy years)

After the many centuries of chaos and destruction, the lasers decided they had had enough. Supplies were scarce and morale was low among the troops. They conceded in 212402 B.C. to the explosions, who celebrated their newfound victory with pie and a nude party. It was hot.

[edit] History

Because of their victory, explosions were discovered long before lasers by humanity. The lasers actually accepted this without a fight because it was generally agreed upon that the explosions were more fit to blow stupid people's limbs and faces off. The discovery of explosions in 4 B.C. allowed them to be commercially available to Jesus Christ upon his birth. Christ, a now-known exposions fanatic, commonly blew many things up, including birds, bushes, and homeless people. Christ would later comment that "Dis shit be tight."

[edit] Explosions in Modern Society

Explosions nowadays are commonly hated upon by such racist groups as hippies and anti-war protesters. They are feared and hated for their power, but are really just misunderstood, like sharks and Paul W.S. Anderson. George Bush is a well-known advocate for explosions and adopted one as his child in 2003.It's name? What else? Karl Rove. Says Bush, "That sumbitch Kerry thinks explosions should be put in a concentration camp. Also, he punches babies."

[edit] Utilization

Explosions are used extensively by such demographics as the military, construction and demolition companies, and that really creepy guy at the office who's always muttering to himself and has the AK-47 poster up on his cubicle wall beside the KA-BAR with "Vengeance" etched in the blade.

Toy company "Mattel" recently released their "Barbie hostage crisis" playset, complete with radical militant soldiers and actual explosive ordnance. Interestingly, statistics show a 76% increase in injuries related to slipping on the bloodstains of small children and bruising from falling while trying to clean little Susan off the ceiling. Researchers are baffled as to the cause of this or whether these statistics are in any way related to the toy company, though FOX News suggests, "It was probably those liberal faggots again." A spokesman for Mattel claimed that "there was nothing to worry about" and that "you mortals can go about your meaningless lives" shortly before being sucked back into the pit of despair.

BANG!!!

[edit] Did you know...

• explosions allegedly taste a surprising amount like peanut butter. scientists are still testing how this works, but the taste apparently is literally mind blowing.
• Michael Bay invented explosions.
• Explosions are FUCKING COOL!!!!
• Explosions are WAY FUCKING COOL!!!!
• An explosion is the scientific term for when an object spontaneously turns into a larger number of smaller objects ?
• Explosion is what happens when Ed Gein's and Muhammad Ali's fists of fury meet.
• Explosions once had a sexual relationship with Tom Cruise before they blew off his balls. They were never forgiven.
• Though the war between lasers and explosions is mostly considered over, major controversy emerged between explosions and the allies of the lasers, the sharks. During the production of the classic film JAWS, when an explosion was accused of allegedly murdering the title character (a shark). When reached for comment, the explosion said nothing and merely vaporized the shit out of the press conference. The explosion is still awaiting its sentence.

[edit] Other Crap

• Oprah and Her Evil
• Explosive Barrel
• Bomb

Explosions > Bob Barker