Explosive diarrhea
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“Wait... You mean this is not a bowl of chocolate mousse?? ”
~ Professor Dumbass Wilde on Explosive Diarrhea
“In Soviet Russia, explosive diarrhea barfs on YOU! ”
~ Soviet Russia on Explosive Diarrhea
“We thought that's what you wanted from fast food! ”
~ Taco Bell on Explosive Diarrhea
“I'm having it right now! ”
~ Oscar Wilde on Explosive Diarrhea
western hemisphere of Earth. Some people have been known to use their explosive diarrhea to launch themselves up to the fourth floor of their office building. This causes panic throughout the city and should only be tried if you have experience or are completely wasted.
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[edit] History
Explosive diarrhea began in the late 19th century as a result of the latest craze, not wearing fifty pounds of clothes at once. Once people could actually move thirty feet without overheating they started to eat at restaurants like "Ye Olde Taco Belle" and "Patty In Between Two Buns King." All of this food caused a huge outbreak of explosive diarrhea and completely wiped out the last of the Mohicans. Explosive diarrhea led to a number of inventions including toilets, Saran Wrap, and euthanasia.
[edit] Research
Scientists have only begun to begin research on the phenomena of explosive diarrhea. They believe that it is what happens when there is too much water in your large intestine, but we all know that is a load of crap. Once the scientists announced their findings they were beaten by hicks who then took over the research and blamed the "Damn neighbor's dog" for explosive diarrhea. They followed this announcement with "GET IT OFF MY LAWN." There have been no more findings on explosive diarrhea since, because apparently the damn dog finally got off of the lawn. Police say that the hicks never actually saw a dog on their lawn, but they assumed that there was one because, as one of the hicks said, "Mah Aunt Billy Jean makes a mean barbeque sauce!" Police released a sketch of the "Lawn Dog" and is asking anybody who knows the whereabouts of this canine to please call them at 911 between the hours of 12:00 and 12:30.
[edit] Discovery of the True Cause Behind Explosive Diarrhea
Just Last Tuesday, scientists at Duck University conducted a study on twelve patients with explosive diarrhea. All of them had Teletubby Ass Parasites throwing a party in there asses. These small Teletubbies crawl out of sewers and septic tanks through toilets and crawl up people's asses. Sometimes however, if the victim is in bed, the parasites will exit the toilet and crawl up his ass as he sleeps. During the night, the Teletubbies would dance around the digestive tract and body slam the colon in an act of masturbation. They may also bite open blood veins to fill your diarrhea with blood. Usually, this causes diarrhea the next morning, but it sometimes occurs in bed. The Teletubbies then put on snorkeling outfits and ride what they call "the muddy waterslide" into the toilet, to start the cycle again.
[edit] Modern Use
Explosive diarrhea is no longer available over the counter because it could be chemically separated and turned into Methamphetamine, a drug known for its magical properties and overall good feeling. You may now only purchase explosive diarrhea with a doctor's prescription, a gun, or very large breasts. An alternative to getting a prescription for explosive diarrhea is to go to Texas, throw tacos over the border, and hold a large container out. This may result in unwanted illegal immigrants and/or HIV/AIDS.
[edit] Color
The most widely disputed aspect of explosive diarrhea is its peculiar color. Although many common people assume that explosive diarrhea is brown, it is really a very mysterious color. Some say that it is a subtle mix of shit brown, crimson red, and granny apple green. A cult known as the Followers of Stank insist that explosive diarrhea is a distinct shade of maroon-aqua, the holy color of Stank. Some farmers from Kentuckistan say that they knew the true color of explosive diarrhea until aliens came and probed them. Alas, the true color of explosive diarrhea has been lost to time.
