Extreme mathematics
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Extreme Mathematics is a dangerous and highly boring sport/academia activity. It involves performing highly complex mathematics while in a dangerous situation, such as Algebra on Ponies.
The favourite place for this activity is just off the Australian coast, where, using waterproof pen and paper, mathematicians can perform calculations while being attacked by sharks.
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[edit] Origins
This sport was unintentionally invented by Aristotle in 342 BC. As a young man, Aristotle was interested in the field of mathematics, however he was shunned by all of his peers due to the fact that they were out killing minotaurs and cyclopes while he stayed home and did math problems. With no one to listen to his discoveries about circles, he deduced that there was no real point in pursuing his life-long dream of becoming a famous math teacher. However, one day when one of his buddies asked him mockingly if he wanted to come fight the sea monster with the rest of the guys. Aristotle agreed, but he brought his math equipment along. When the group of young Greeks arrived at the beach where the sea monster liked to hang out, they promptly ditched Aristotle, laughing as they ran away. Everyone knew there was no such thing as a sea monster, right? But, alas, they were dead wrong. A huge beast emerged from the water, and Aristotle was the only piece of meat around. Aristotle could see the flashing red weak spot on the monster's neck, as all big boss bad guys have. He began to calculate the velocity at which he should throw a stone, while at the same time dodging the attacks of the great monster. Finally, he picked up a rock and threw the rock at the proper velocity. It struck the monster exactly in its weak point, and its HP was immediately reduced to 0. All of Aristotle's friends boggled at the sight of the first-ever recorded presentation of extreme mathematics, proclaiming him a "mathlete."
[edit] Extreme Mathematics Today
Today, the stereotypical mathlete is either a social misfit with no friends, save a TI-92 Deluxe Edition graphing calculator. While Aristotle had to use a compass and a stick to scratch in the dirt, human evolution has led us past the abacus, protractor, and calculus. Modern academic thrill-seekers are left with few choices outside of College and editing websites with little factual merit. Mathematics competitions are highly contested, occasionally featuring cheering sections. Like spelling bees, the BBC and ESPN have featured mathletics as filler programming during long, cold winters.
[edit] Extreme mathematics tricks
- Counting to infinity: 7/7. 6/6, 5/5, 4/4, 3/3, 2/2, 1/1, 0/0.
- Memorization and recitals of irrational numbers such as the square root of 2, pi, and various logarithms.
- Doing multiplications with the eyes closed or standing on one's head.
- Insulting people's mothers by doing mathematics: Your mum is so fat that if there was a circle of people with radius xpir^2, she could sit in the middle and sit on everyone.
- The "900" (this involves working out what 900 is in terms of primes, for the record it's 5*5*3*3*2*2)
- Working out the answer to the apple dilemma: If have have 3 apples in my hands and one on my head, and the one on my head gets shot off by an arrow, how many apples do I have in my hands?
