FA Premier League
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The Fuck All Premiership is the self-styled top league in football association based in Old Trafford. Mostly in Englandshire, occasionally wandering off into the Welsh sink estates, but crucially, NOT in Scotchford, which has its own 'premier' league. Please note the use of inverted commas around the word premier. This measure was forcibly applied by FIFA chiefs after some jealous German guy got his way. Yeah, he is a closet bangers and mash, Union Jack underpants man.
Current Champions are Greys Athletic.
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[edit] Formation
It was set up in 1878 after the British Minister of War, Sir Alexander Prem E. R. Ship realised there was "fuck all" to satisfy men's lust for violence when there wasn't a war going on. To tackle this he set up the FA Premiership, in which teams of men would hack at each other with studded feet. Amongst the other leagues created at the time were:
- Championship
- Division One
- Division Two
- Division Four*
- GM Lada Conference
- Merryweather Wheelie Bins Local League
*Division Four was lost down the back of the sofa during a divisional renaming meeting at FA headquarters. Also lost at this ill-fated meeting were the values of not diving and not waving a pretendy yellow card at the referee, although no-one seems to care about any of these things.
[edit] The Rise to Power
The FA Premiership quickly rose to extreme popularity as previously men in Britishland had been starved of violent entertainment and had had to make do with beating servants, children and other expendables. That and a nice, rich Australian man decided he wanted to become slightly richer by commercialising the whole thing. Chiefs of the time were reported to be delighted by the extra twenty pence a month in televised revenues (of course, this equates to a much larger total in 2007, round about half a million pounds in sterling and a Mini Cooper).
[edit] Popularity
How well the club you support in the Premier League does has become a popular way of measuring penis size amongst men in Britishland. It is crucial as a fan of a Premier League team to make sure that every knows of your allegiance by loud shouting, singing and wearing of official garments. A zero tolerance rule is applied to people not agreeing with you on your choice of team and such disputes can only be settled in a violent confrontation.
However, fans of rival teams have been known to see eye-to-eye on some occasions, though this is mostly to simply hate all Manchester United fans collectively in a grand gesture.
[edit] The Downfall
This hasn't happened yet, but when it does you can be sure we'll write about it!
[edit] Current Table
| P | W | D | L | F | A | GD | Pts | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Greys Athletic (C) | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 265* |
| 2 | Manchester Red Sox Ltd. | 34 | 18 | 10 | 6 | 65 | 28 | +37 | 64 |
| 3 | Chel$ki Abramograd | 34 | 13 | 13 | 8 | 64 | 43 | +21 | 52 |
| 4 | Londrés | 34 | 13 | 11 | 10 | 48 | 45 | +3 | 50 |
| 5 | Mickey Mousers Football Franchise Ltd. | 34 | 13 | 7 | 14 | 40 | 38 | +2 | 46 |
| 6 | Madchester Oasis | 34 | 11 | 12 | 11 | 60 | 46 | +14 | 45 |
| 7 | Neverton | 34 | 10 | 13 | 11 | 47 | 42 | +5 | 43 |
| 8 | Pompeii | 34 | 10 | 12 | 12 | 50 | 45 | +5 | 42 |
| 9 | North-East Black Stripes | 34 | 12 | 11 | 13 | 43 | 37 | +6 | 41 |
| 10 | Biggleswade | 34 | 12 | 11 | 13 | 47 | 52 | -5 | 41 |
| 11 | Atom Villa | 34 | 9 | 12 | 13 | 45 | 35 | +10 | 39 |
| 12 | North-East Red Stripes | 34 | 10 | 9 | 15 | 50 | 46 | +4 | 39 |
| 13 | San Antonio Spurs | 34 | 6 | 15 | 13 | 52 | 66 | -14 | 33 |
| 14 | Wigan Pathetic | 34 | 6 | 12 | 16 | 34 | 51 | -17 | 30 |
| 15 | Emptypig | 34 | 6 | 11 | 17 | 42 | 52 | -10 | 29 |
| 16 | Long Ballton Wanderers | 34 | 5 | 13 | 16 | 45 | 56 | -11 | 28 |
| 17 | Sandwell Town | 34 | 5 | 12 | 17 | 44 | 61 | -17 | 27 |
| 18 | East Spam Divided | 34 | 6 | 8 | 20 | 37 | 62 | -25 | -4* |
| 19 | Luton Airport | 34 | 14 | 10 | 10 | 44 | 58 | -14 | -468* |
- Greys Athletic gain points each time opposition teams fail to turn up.
- East Spam Divided deducted 30 points for attempting to loan the entire Argentinian national team with money borrowed from the Icelandic mafia.
- Luton Airport deducted every point they earn due to bias of football authorities toward 'big clubs'
| The FA Premier League | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
|
Atom Villa | Biggleswade | Chel$ki Abramograd | East Spam Divided | Emptypig | Greys Athletic | Londrés | Long Ballton Wanderers | Luton Airport | Madchester Oasis | Manchester Red Sox Ltd. | Mickey Mousers Franchise | Neverton | North-East Black Stripes | North-East Red Stripes | Pompeii | San Antonio Spurs | Sandwell Town | Wigan Pathetic | edit |
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