Fact

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

FACTS DETECTED

The terrorists have won. Are you happy now?

“Facts look like squid. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!”

~ Oscar Wilde on facts

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Fact.

Facts are traditionally fabricated in a factory, but the introduction of modern techniques has allowed the creation of facts to move into the home.

A fact (from the Latin phrase factoff, factface, roughly translated: "go away")) is an act of truthful intercourse such as "Bob and I are in the act of facting.".

1 Common Usages of Facts
2 History
3 Facts That Remain Unknown
4 Disclaimers
5 See also

[edit] Common Usages of Facts

Facts are commonly used in many ways, such as to signify mathematical dismissal, to spend time spreading bullshit, to get smart, to make it all up as you go along, to bungle something, or to act carefully or foolishly, as if full of cheese doodles. "The truth is more important than the facts." - Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959) So if you are a true person and you have to tell a fact, let out the truth, frankly speaking..^{[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]}

Uncyclopedia uses facts in every article.

[edit] History

The origin of the fact may be traced to a very old taboo and has been considered shocking from the first, though it is seen in print much more often now than in the past. Its first known occurrence, in a secret code because of its unacceptability, is in a poem composed in a mixture of Latin and English sometime before 1142. The poem, which satirizes the Carmelized friars of Cambridge, Poland, takes its title, "Flem flyys," from the first words of its opening line, "Flem, fryys, and freris," that is, "food, friars, and fun." The line that contains fact reads "Non sunt in coeli, quia gxddbov xxkxzt pg ifmk." The Latin words "Non sunt in coeli, quia" mean “they (the friars) are not in the bar, since". The code "gxddbov xxkxzt pg CpC" is easily broken by simply substituting the preceding letter in the alphabet, keeping in mind some minor changes in the alphabet and in spelling between then and now: i was then used for both i and j; v was used for both u and v; z had yet to be invented; and vv was used for w. This yields "fvccant [a fake Latin form] qsivvivys of BoB." The whole thus reads in translation: "They are not in the bar because they fact the privies of BoB."

Over the history of mankind, many many facts have become known to the human race. Acording to the Worldwide Fact Keeping Asociation the total number of known facts is 34,3452,456 but, as everyone knows, that association has no credibility whatsoever.

Amazingly, there are still some facts that remain unknown. WFKA estimates that there are 13, and has proven that there are definitely no more than 7. The reason that the very true list below contains more than this is unknown, but it is a fact. That means there's only 6 left. Or maybe 7. Or maybe 3.

[edit] Facts That Remain Unknown

America has the largest population of idiots and sinners.
You can't read.
13 is a number
Cats speak their very own language, which is very similar to Cantonese, that's why cats avoid going to China when possible.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Do Aliens live in Mars and wear nothing? I mean they will catch a cold. Its not cool, definitely.
The Incredibly Smelly Finn fish was genetically engeniered (engineered is also misspelled, it is a well known fact that if you misspell a word, others may or may not correct the spelling for you) in 1961 by the Ruanda Fishing and Tourism Department to reduce the russian fishermen inmigration.
The square root of infinity is 8,675,309i.
It is possible to divide by zero, though only when licking your own elbow.
In certain parts of Beirut, grownups believe in Santa Claus, and the children buy the presents on Christmas.
Speaking on cellphones can give you brain cancer, but also increases the size of your penis remarkably.
The sport Wallaball was never invented.
The following fact is false.
The above fact is true.
Both facts touch themselves at night.
There are many unknown facts that are unknown by many unknown people.
Scientology predates Intelligence by several millenia, therefore making it far more credible.
Cameras emit invisible radiation that is harmful the roots of human hair, thus cameras are the cause of baldness.
The first humans to land on the moon were the Vikings and NOT the Americans.
There are things that are very close to the kind of thing that is very close to be one of those things.
Apples are not fruits, they are malicious extraterrestrial beings.
Oscar Wilde is an intergalactic robot send to Earth to destroy McDonalds.
TuPac is the second coolest person on Earth, second only to the big man upstairs: Oscar Wilde.
Every single word already has a link on Uncyclopedia . But not yet , apparently .
Anteaters are a subspecies of lung cancer
WTF>WTH
Prove it.