Faroe Islands
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“Faroe Islands? I remember that place... met a fine young guy there with a hot bod”
~ Oscar Wilde on the Faroe Islands
“ What the fuck is the Faroe Islands? And can we declare them war?”
~ George WC Bush on some islands somewhere in an ocean
“ All hail me!”
~ Pharao Eshmeil XIV of Pharao Islands on Faroe Islands
“ HELLO NORWAY!”
~ Rock band somewhere on Faroe Islands
The Pharaohs (also known as "Little Denmark/Smoke", "Those Rocks" or "uncle Jónki") are a group of islands situated to the north of the tartan clad land known as Scotland, although they are often confused with the Shetland Islands. Faroe islands claims to own denmark.
Being a bizarre, overly religious place, the Faroe Islands are currently ruled under a theocratic dictatorship. Electricity does not exist on the islands, hence the lack of Pharoese internet users. It is believed that the ruler of the islands is Kenneth H. Djurhuus, a gay who has only had two hairstyles in his life, and runs around searching for a higher meaning in life, whilst listening to Britney Spears.
It is a little known fact that the Faroe Islands were discovered by a group of Irish monks who stopped off on the islands for a toilet break, whilst on their way to Iceland, for box of teabags and a ham sandwich, or was it bacon? The monks named the islands the 'Faroes' because it remotely sounded like 'faeces', because they had just stopped off on the islands for their toilet break, and they thought it would be a laugh.
The Danes, famed for their bacon and LEGO-based culture, made a clever decision to rename the Pharaoh Islands and call them the Faroe Islands.
They did this because no-one can spell Pharaoh without the use of an expensive dictionary. When some people attempt to write the word Pharaoh, they normally write Faroe. Besides, who spends money on books containing thousands of pages of words which nobody ever uses. Some historians, on the other hand, think that this lands were actually a protectorat of Egypt, so when the Danes (or whatever pale Scandinavian tribe) wanted to conquer them, they changed the name to look (but not sound) more like some Scandinavian jibberish word.
The first Pharaoh of the Pharaohs was Tróndur í Gøtu. His ruling time began in the late 9. century AD. His religion was of shamanic origin and he fought fiercily with a religious rival Sigmundur Brestisson (brest (breast) - ha!) who was a Druid. Tróndur í Gøtu's biggest achievement was making his many irish slaves build him a monument in the shape of pyramid of splendid appearence, it was clad with gold and a great plethora of gems. The remains of the Great Pyramid can be seen even today and is known as Slættaratindur.
The Pharaoh Islands are infamous for being the world's biggest nesting and breeding place for Psycho Killer Seagulls(and to a lesser extent Pigeons). No one should ever underestimate the perilous powers of the Killer Seagulls (and Pigeons), for they are an evil species (OMG PWN). They were originally bred by Megatron (OMG), ruler of the Decepticons (PWN), in order to be vessels for his sons arrival on Earth, bringing doom to us all.
OMG PWN PWN OMG
The Flying Ears of Might and Power have hidden nesting places in the Pharaoh Islands. There are only a few details about them, but we know for certain that they are real, really.
Klaaaksvik is the place where the people in Pharaoh Islands go to get water, it is the only place in Pharaohes that you can find rain. There they have huge tanks where they store all the water, and all the Pharaohes people come there once every year to celebrate the rain in klaksvik. They call the celebration Summarfestivalurin, and that is the day where it's raining most trew the year. There is also a village called Gøta, there they are trying to copy this festival, but sources say that they are too lazy to succeed.
There are vicious rumours going around that Faroese people are hunting pilot whales to eat them. This is entirely untrue. According to Greenpeace, Faroese people are actually hunting cute, innocent dolphins. As there are very few leisure activities, men and young boys typically pass the long hours hunting dolphins. These dead dolphins are left to rot, and sometimes the wifes of the men will pour gasoline onto the dolphins and set them (the dolphins) on fire to speed up the decomposing process. The fins on the dolphins are cut off before this and sold as luxury toilet-paper, to the skilled dolphin-hunters, who maintain such a lifestyle by signing high-paying endorsement deals with local seagull-breeding networks.
[edit] History
Brandur Enni found the Faroe Islands and the city Torshavn in 2005 with his gay friend Lance Bass. They celebrated this by making a gay porno movie. Two weeks later they decided to call the city Torshavn after a man in Björkland called Thor Shoeson. People in Faroe Islands speak Icelandic but they speak it like they are mentally retarded. The population in Faroe Islands is five hundred thousand, that is two thousand people and 498 thousand sheep. The Mayor of Torshavn is Shaun the Sheep, who was elected in 2006 and won with 498 thousand votes. The man who ran against him, Jákúp á Borg only got two thousand votes.
The Pharaoese people in the present
In short, the pharaoese people nowadays are a sorry bunch of people who obey to everything the fat bacon eaters of the Danish royal family tells them to do. But what can one do if one is addicted to and dependent on bacon from a faraway land.
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