Falling Off Of A Roof Anonymous
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“Well, I guess I'm here because... well... I like to fall off roofs.”
~ Oscar Wilde on FOOARA
“For God's sake, don't be like me; seek help before it's too late!”
~ Rod Hull on FOOARA
Falling Off Of A Roof Anonymous is an international self-help organization dedicated to helping people who are addicted to falling off of roofs, or eavesdropping. FOOARA helps these people kick the roof-falling habit and get their lives back on track.
Many people are somewhat surprised to learn that falling off roofs can be so addictive. However, as anyone who has fallen off a roof knows, once you start, it's very hard to stop. The following transcript from an FOOARA meeting should give some indication of the hardships involved in recovering from this terrible affliction.
- Fred L: Hello, everyone. I'd like you all to meet our new member, Jack P.
- Jack P: Hi. My name's Jack, and I'm a fallingofftheroofoholic.
- All: Hello, Jack.
- Fred L: Tell us a little about yourself, Jack. How did you first succumb to the demon falling?
- Jack P: Well, I was on the roof one day, and I met a pusher. He said he'd shove me right off the roof, no charge.
- Fred L: Ah, yes. The first one is always free. Go on.
- Jack P: Well, I accepted his offer, and pretty soon I was in this total downwards spiral. It wasn't long before I hit rock bottom. But with the help of FOOARA, I hope to get back on my feet.
- Fred L: With our emotional and spiritual support, you will.
- Jack P: No, I meant that literally. Can someone help me up?
- Fred L: Oh, sorry. There. Now, with our help, we can make sure that you will never again fall off the roof of the wagon. All you need is our twelve step program.
- Jack P: Fred, I'll be lucky to make one step. I think broke my knee.
[edit] Top 11? Reasons for Falling off the Roof
- 11. You were trying to be AN HERO
- 10. You were throwing cherry bombs off the roof to ascertain whether they would asplode before hitting the ground
- 9. You were on the roof during an electrical storm holding onto a 20 ft metal rod because you made a bet with your friend that you wouldn't get toasted.
- 8. Trying to escape from evil ninjas
- 7. Hiding from the world because you're too ashamed of your hairy nipples
- 6. Attempting to get a better view of the hot girl next door who is sunbathing topless.
- 5. Yeling out to your buddy down the street because you're too cheap to make a phone call.
- 4. While doing a cheer routine, you fell off the roof while trying to spell out the name of your team
- 3. Yodelling sounds nowhere near as impressive at ground level
- 2. You locked yourself out of the house and were attempting to break in through the roof.
- 1. And finally, the most common reason for falling off a roof is because you were drunk.
[edit] FOOARA Twelve Step Program
- Step 1 - Stay off the roof.
- Steps 2 -12 No really, just stay off the goddamn roof. If you need someone to fix the aerial, just call an electrician. It doesn't cost that much, and you can afford it, you cheapskate.
A fallingoffaroofoholic while young.
http://www.youtube.com/v/lmpF4JxqZYk&hl
