Farmer's Market
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“I've never seen such disdain or disregard for human life as I did at the Farmer's Market.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Farmer's Markets
This feller here is about to strike it rich!
A Farmer's Market is a securities exchange regulated by the Orange Growers Association of America. In order to be eligible to trade on this exchange, a person must be able to prove that they descend from an agricultural heritage. More specifically, at least one grandparent must have planted something in the ground at some time in their life.
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[edit] Definition in Marketing
A Farmer's Market is a branch of the Bull Market, only it applies to farmers. It is usually characterized by high amounts of cheap labour that can be hired out for a day at a time for food or sex. The most recent Farmer's Market occurred in 2007 when there was a large influx of beaners, I mean immigrants from Mexico.
[edit] Instruments of the Exchange
Most brokers at a Farmer's Market use laptops and PDAs to get the "pulse," or a feel for what commodities are hot. Generally, the most trade-able commodity on the market is the hoe, followed closely by the zucchini.
[edit] Mom and Pop Farmers
The most powerful people at the Farmer's Market are what are known as Mom and Pop farmers. These generally small operations inexplicably outwork and outproduce the advantaged corporate farmers. This is known as the New York Yankees Theory of Economics pioneered by Governor Steinbrenner of Ohio in 2001 after losing his way in the desert.
[edit] Cruel Consequences
The Farmer's Market takes no excuses and offers no mercy. For those so unlucky (read: migrant workers), a separate but equal trading area is designated (see Plessy v. Ferguson).
In honour of the late, great Miles Davis, a kiddie pool was erected in the Northwest corner of the building where the downtrodden can receive food stamps in exchange for actual fruit (such as a Mango and/or Richard Simmons). The motivation for this seemingly enigmatic action is obvious. Eating one's own produce at the Farmer's Market is akin to incest and is punishable by banishment to the nearest 1-star gulag to grow the Gulag Vine and make Gulag Pie.
The little known Farmer's Black Market is an excellent place to pick up the well known Farmer's Daughter. Take two — they're cheap.
[edit] See also
- Stock Market
- Orange Growers Association of America
- Richard Simmons
- This Little Piggy
