Fart filter

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Fart filter is the first invention of the world's most famous inventor, Tom Cruise.

1 History
2 The machine
3 Details
4 Other stunning and fart-taking inventions by Tom Cruise

[edit] History

The fart filter was invented in 612 BCE. There is actually a quite funny story about its invention. Our hero was in his bedroom, attempting to get some sleep, but was hampered by his wife, Katie, who had just consumed a bowl of peanuts, two bananas, six pounds of boiled beans with cabbage and nine pints of beer. Tom didn't know what to do, so he got up, sat at his work desk, and began to think. He despirately wanted to do something about her flatulence, he needed to invent something! And there it was, he saw a trumpet, and an idea just popped into his head. He severely modified the trumpet, and that was the first of his famous inventions and the first Fart filter. It has also recently been made famous by a man by the alias of USAFDUDE1988.

[edit] The machine

The machine is put in one's anus, and because it's small (about the size of a fist), no one will ever notice that you're wearing it.

Fart filter (batteries not included)

The fart filter itself is pretty simple (so is its usage). It has two main functions:

to destroy (or alternate) the smell of a fart,
to destroy (or alternate) the sound of a fart.

Tom Cruise fulfilled both of these demands.

He modified the air-filter from his Trabant so that the flatulence goes through it, and by adding perfume in the filter, the fart immediatelly changes its bad odour to a very nice fragrance of the perfume.

To change the annoying (altho, often amusing) sound of the fart, he used a pretty simple principle. He just put a seismographic sensor to one end, and a 2" speaker to the other end. In that way, when someone farts, the super-fast seismographic sensor immediatelly recognises that a fart occured, and sends this information to a highly-advanced microchip inside the fart filter, which then automatically plays a non-fart-like sound that you have chosen before through the speaker.

[edit] Details

Basically, it's a modified old trumpet, which contains a seismographic sensor, a microchip, and a speaker (and 6 "C" batteries, of course). There are a couple versions of this machine:

Fart Filter Standard (FFS) - contains all of the before-mentioned parts, and it also has a USB port so that you can connect it to a PC and put your preferred sounds on it ("La chucaracha" is the default melody)
Fart Filter Economic (FFE) - same as "FFS", but it also has a "speaker saver", which plays a sound each couple of seconds if you don't fart for more than one minute
internet Fart Filter (iFF) - it has all of the "FFE"'s options, but also it has a Bluetooth port, so you don't have to plug an USB-cable to your ass (sick), instead, just stand near your PC. This way you can also connect to the internet and download songs for your iFF for as low as 0.99 cents per song!

Also, you have to change the air filter every 10,000 farts, but you're not limited here! You can choose between lemon, alpine fresh, orange, incense (especially suited if you often go to church), melon, cadaver and 9 more variants of smell! Oooo, happy smells! A good thing to cover up those nasty blows!EW!