Fat Joe
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“He was a big man, with an even bigger heart. And an even bigger...”
~ Oscar Wilde on Fat Joe
“He leaned back too far.”
~ Jennifer Lopez on Fat Joe's death
“Yeah, he's really obese...”
~ Shirley Temple on Fat Joe
Jose Antonio Pedro Martinez Gonzalez Julian Batista Roberto Juan Cartagena (August 19, 1970 - December 24, 2006) better known as Fat Hoe and Obese Joseph, was a Puerto Rican-American rapper and saviour to many.
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[edit] Early Life
Fat Hoe was born in a Pizza Hut bathroom off flatbush Avenue in The South Bronx on August 19, 1970. It was here he learned to rap, using the scribble on the bathroom walls as inspiration. He performed his first concert at the age of 2. In the crowd was talent scout, and homosexual seal photographer, Bill Cosby. Mr. Cosby immediately signed Fat Joe (who then weighed an un-fat 23 lbs.) to his record label Jello Puddin'-Pops Records. Part of the contract including unlimited rice and beans, something that Fat Joe craved due to his Puerto Rican heritage, and made Fat Joe Fat. Really fat. Like... just... fat. So he could stop living his life of lies and just be fat. Fat Joe. Also, he claims to speak spanish, but, as a matter of fact, has only been heard saying the word "mami" and "yo quiero Taco Bell". He constantly used the n word to his gay black friends and got beat the shit out of for it. so he started eating endless mcdicks shit and is considered to be the most obessed indivicual after BIG Daddy V and David ortiz
[edit] Flat Brimmed Hats
An often overlooked and little-known fact is that Fat Joe was the sole creator of the flat brimmed hat fashion trend. On August 21st, 2005, Fat Joe was due to perform at a sold out night club in Chicago but arrived late. Without the time to properly bend the brim of his baseball cap before taking the stage, Fat Joe merely donned the cap and in a matter of months wigger culture gained an extremely potent asset.
[edit] Death
Fat Joe suffered an untimely death at the age of 30-something. He was discovered in a hotel room by the couple of tour manager Mario and Sarah Michelle Gellar . After leaning back on his reclining chair, his head had split open on the corner of a coffee table, that knocked over a KFC bucket that was nearby. This bucket fit snuggly over Fat Joe's head in which he suffocated. In his struggle, he seemed to have gave birth to a child,"Thomas Xavierito Ivory-Wayans Marshall" the baby resembles a young Patrick Swayze. Fat Joe leaves behind this child, and his brothers Ronald McDonald and Count Chocula.
[edit] Singles
Lean Back (2004 Terror Squad ft. Fat Joe ft. Remy Martin ft. Adam Sandler ft. Lindsay Lohan ft. Hello Kitty ft. God ftparis Hilton ) #1 US, #24 UK
I May Be Fat, But You're Ugly, And I Can Diet, But I'm Ugly Too, So I'll Be The Same As You (2006 ft. Panic! At The Disco) # - 452 US, #1 UK
Drank So Much My Mom Slapped Me (2005 ft. Shirley Temple #23 US, #666 UK)
Make Love on the Couch (2005 ft. Shirley Temple #7 US, # 5 UK)
