Fat Kids
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In the early days of the Depression, a need for an escape grew in the hearts and minds of the Americans suffering this tragedy. They needed to laugh, and so came one of the funniest things to grace the Earth. Obese children were manufactured for the soul purpose of humor. Made in an assembly line where pregnant women would "squeeze one out" onto the conveyor belt, which would carry the babies to the frosting room where they would be injected with creme filling (the inspiration for twinkies came from here, but some people in the depression were hungry enough to eat cream filled babies). These children would be raised on fatty foods and kept tied to poles close to the ground so they could not get exercise. Occasionally, teachers would come in with life lessons about the world to prepare these fat kids for the rest of their lives by beating them in the legs with rubber hoses and laughing at them. Soon after their release into the world, they were either laughed at, or hunted for their precious fatty oils which were used to make lanterns and mudflaps. Much like black people, fat people have climbed the corporate ladder and now have themselves a place in the world under skinny people. However, their offspring are still the No. 1 funniest thing in the world.
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[edit] Why are fat kids so funny?
This is a simple question, if you see a child fall down and get hurt you feel bad, however, when a fat kid falls down they do not get hurt because of the strong fat layer they posses that keeps their innards safe from bullets and healthy exercise. These kids, however, feel left out, so they take it upon themselves to have the same reaction that skinny kids have to falling down, by making a huge deal out of it. It is also true that fat kids fall down more than skinny kids because of the magic of Gravity and the fact that their fat little legs can't get out of each other's way. Feeling left out is the reason that fat kids are so angry, which just makes them funnier. Nothing can fill a skinny person, or even another fatty with joy than a little fat kid throwing a temper tantrum. It's the most exercise they will obtain in quite some time, and it usually doesn't last long because their fat little bodies can't handle so much activity. Kody Rosentereter is another fat kid known for trying to catch skinny people to eat them but his fat weighs him back. This fat kid tries to play sports but does not succeed because his fat can not fit any equipment. If a skinny kid gets unlucky and gets caught he uses his fat to hurt you.
Also, in this day and age - You tend to see a lot of fat ginger haired children. This is brought on by the Hlatyplos gene, commonly referred to simply as "Orange". Their fiery red hair often brings to them some sort of bullying, forcing them to inject themselves with cream. Several days of this treatment, and heavy eating; finally turns the skinny ginger kid, into a fat ginger kid who generally tries to be a school bully, but gets bullied himself/herself.
[edit] Funny things Fat likes to do
- Fall down
- Get mad for food bitch!!!
- Laugh
- Eat
- Cry
- Breathe (it makes a weird noise because of their jowels)
- Try to dance but get heart attacks
- Fart
- Poop like a elephant
- Eat
- Like to have sex with liam knox
- Eat
- Fail
- Recite poetry
- Run
- Play video games
- Liam knox is the coolest guy i know
- Whine
- Eat
- Swim
- Yoga
- Try to get out of a pool
- Play a sport
- Twitch when food is near
- Promise to start exercising... Yeah whatever
- Claim they arent a virgin. You're not fooling anyone fucknuts.
- Eat
- Sleep
[edit] Contemporary Issues
In our modern day, we have discovered that almost everything we're doing as human beings is wrong. Polution, global warming, obsessing over technology, beastiality, and the Bravo network, all guilty guilty pleasures. Liam loves men. A hot topic is obesity, which seems to be growing rampant. Could this mean that fat people are taking over the world? No probably not, they don't have the stamina. So sit back and relax you skinny bitches, laugh all you want at the fatties, because even if you just stand there and laugh directly in their face, they'll be too obsessed with their food to even notice you.
[edit] Their Purpose
Here's a fun and easy thing to do with fat kids, which brings us to why they were put here. Make a "Pretend friend". Make friends with a fat kid for an hour, so that they will do whatever you want them to do, because they don't have friends. Call it an "enitiation" for friendship. You can do many things with them, and the best, take 'em in the pool. Have contests to see who has the biggest splash. Or, who can do a handstand the longest. you may loose on purpose to look at them fat legs. This all leads up to the final task, weighing them. One day a really fat kid named Rebekah will become our new planet. We'll have two prisons(armpits) and god knows how many grand canyons.....
[edit] Fun Facts
- The very first fat kid to be created was nammed Melvin. He never amounted to anything.
- Fat kids are the true inspiration for the book "The Grapes of Wrath". Not the plot, just the fact that author John Steinbeck laughed so often at them that he completely depleated his humor glands, becoming a grumpy old bitch, and writing a very long book about almost nothing, and forcing High School Kids to read it. What a bastard.
- Fat kids are not produced like normal children, since the fat gene (Nammed Meticuloso Obtra by it's discoverer, Ronald Mc. Donald) is only passed down from Males, and no female would ever even consider touching one, they have to carve them out of wood and cast a spell to bring them to life.
- Fat people see the world differently than skinny people because of a hormone created by their fattyness called Jestrogen. Jestrogen is the main ingrediant in any "Secret Sauce", the one true cancergen, and the reason you touch yourself at night. Also, if you are faced with a fat person holding a gun, don't worry. Why? They'll eat it.
- fatties are jealous of emos because emos actually fit in skinny jeans
- your mom is fat
- if fat people exploded, we could use their fat for for fuel. it'll burn, trust me.
- never Taser a fat kid
- Fat kids are hard to kidnap because they're too heavy to pick up and run with.
- They like to hotdog with Jack Otte.
- Because of Fat Kids, we couldn't go and buy sugary candy untill it could be mass produced sometime in the 1890's because they hogged it all in Souther Europe.
- When a fat kid farts, the earth loses 7.3 years before the ice caps melt due to global warming, as stated by Al Gore.
