Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/February 15

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February 15: Inexplicably Heart-Themed Candy Suddenly Gets Severe Discounts Day

• 11,000 BC - World War -5 1/2 occurs. Your mom goes to college, attempts to get degree in being hairy.
• 6006 BC - YHWH is brought into existence, destroying several pan-dimensional beings.
• 399 BC - The government kills some bloody git after the masses grow weary of his rambling.
• c. 260 - Crows feast of the remains of some Christian dude, declare him "pinion-licking good".
• 1898 - The crew of the USS Maine bite it when Fidel Castro sinks the ship with torpedoes from his magic hovercraft then dumps the evidence in Spain.
• 1933 - Some Italian jerk tries to shoot some elderly dude with injured legs who can't run. The jerk becomes awfully surprised when the injured guy lives and he bites it in prison. Should've taken a page from that Teddy guy.
• 1950 - In Soviet Russia, mutual defense treaty with China signs YOU!!
• 1951 - In Soviet Russia, Inexplicably Heart-Themed Candy buys YOU!!
• 1974 - Grand Funk Railroad records the song, "Suicide is a Bitchin Ride," just before they all died in a plane crash.
• 1983 - Jennifer Marsh found love, got married to Rick a few years later, had a few kids.
• 2005 - She thought her life was perfect until this day, when she found out Rick was sleeping with his secretary. Oops.
• 2005 - Rick and secretary found murdered in office.
• 2006 - Emo boy didn't get anything for Valentines Day. Nothing changes.
• 2007 - Emo boy receives a box of used condoms from neighbour who had been pretty busy on the previous day. It was the turning point of his life.
• 2008 - <insert name here> reads todays anniversaries, goes on shooting spree and puts a bullet in his/her head shortly afterwords.
• 2010 - Denmark officialy goes to war with Iran over the Mohammed Cartoon Controversy. Your mom graduates college, gets an AA degree.
• 2011 - Iran and Denmark simutaneously blow each other up. The rest of the world realizes that they dont give a shit.
• 2156 - The Kool Aid guy retires.
• 1214 - Alligators gained their own parliament (no one was impressed)