Federation of Nations that hate Britain

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The Federation of Nations that Hate Britain

The Federation of Nations that Hate Britain is an international terrorist organisation businessman's club, which operates out of one of four bases: Baghdad, Dublin, Washington DC, and Gotham City. The main aim of the organisation is to defeat the British in every possible way, from war (see: Iraq) to the Bi-Annual National Ping Pong Championships, held in Togo. While the FNTHB war efforts appear to have yielded success, the same cannot be said for the Ping Pong Championships. To date, the FNTHB have never won at ping pong. In a statement released an hour ago, the FNTBH leader, Gerry Adams announced that the organisation intends to "stay the course" and believes their troops will defeat the evil British ping pongers by the end of the year. It also seeks to provide freedom for those countries currently occupied by Britain: Scotland, Mallorca, Iraq, Afghanistan, Isle of Man, Sweden and Gondor, as well as those that used to be occupied by Britain ie: just about every country ever.

[edit] History

The leaders of the Federation Of Nations That Hate Britain at a recent press conference.

The FNTHB originated somewhere in Britain (or maybe Equador) about the year 0001 when some tranny head of England decided to invade Scotland. This pissed the Scots off no end. Then the English banned alcohol consumption. This really pissed the Scots off. In an act of peaceful protest, the Irish showed their support for Scotland by going on a thirst strike. Roughly one million Irish people died of sobriety. Scotland and Ireland then established the FNTHB, and set about recruiting other countries sympathetic to their plight. And so, history was born. However, according to some sources (namely the reputable Daily Mirror), the FNTHB tried to secure a weapons deal with the USA in 2004. Naturally, America was reluctant to hand over its weapons to the Scottish. Drunken Scotsmen with WMDs is generally considered to be a bad idea. Still bitter about the whole experience, Scotland has since joined the Federation of Nations that Hate both Britain and the USA (FNTHBBATUSA).

In 2006, Ireland passed the Presidency over to Iran. "We wish them luck in their quest to beat Britain at Rugby in 2007" said the former Irish President of the FNTHB. A source (believed to be a time travelling Marty McFly) came forth, indicating that Iran would indeed win the match, and that we should bet all our money on them. When the match was lost, it emerged that Marty was indeed a spy working for the Anti-FNTHB. He was later captured, and tortured to death.

As a result the FNTHB has become much more secretive in recent times. In a particularly covert operation, the organisation intends on kidnapping Tony Blair, pulling down his briefs, and laughing uproarously at his diminutive penis. While he is in a state of embarrasment, they will demand their aims be met within a week. He may be tortured by tickling and poking if the demands are not met. However, this plan is top secret, so we really shouldn't be telling anyone. In fact, just forget everything you just read.

Thanks.

p.s. The Welsh are not members of the federation due to their preoccupation with sheep.

[edit] Joining the FNTHB

Join now for your FREE "I Hate Britain" hat

Membership is free (once you pass the hazing rituals). When you join, you are given an exclusive FNTHB membership card, and a customized "I hate Britain" hat. There are, however, minimum entry requirements. For example, you must be able to swing a sack of doorknobs.

Members must supply their own:

a) monkey

b) bombs (and lots of ‘em)

c) knobs

d) pants with a hole in the butt

e) walrus

f) Jews, and/or towelheads

On top of this, a country must participate in the Eurovision song contest and not vote for Britain three times, in order to join. Some countries choose to waive this requirement, and simply bomb London.

If you want to join the FNTHB, please visit their official website freewebs.com/fnthb.

[edit] Known member states

There are a number of active member states, but no-one is quite sure of the number. The number is believed to be 24, but since the Christian Right banned anyone from using that number, everyone is a bit confused, really. Except me. Other member states don't count as proper countries, like the Vatican. Since 2001 a large number of Arab states have joined the FNTHB for reasons only a blind monkey on crack would fail to notice (see Iraq).

• Ireland (since since time immemorial)
• France (since 1100)
• Spain (since 1101)
• Ireland (Reiterated its membership in 1069)
• Ireland (Reiterated its membership in 1798)
• Argentina (since 1980)
• Libya (since 1970)
• Ireland (Reiterated its membership in 1916)
• China (since 1773)
• Brazil
• Japan (joined so China wouldn't feel left out)
• Germany (Heil Hitler!)
• Ireland (Reiterated its membership for the period 1968 - 1998 daily)
• Iraq (since 1990, for obvious reasons)
• Lebanon (since 2006, same reason as above)
• Afganistan (since 2001, " " " ")
• Gondor (since the Downfall of Numenor)
• Canada (joined to piss off the USA)
• France (Britain started it)
• Iran (since they got the nukes)
• North Korea (Kim Jong-Ill said so)
• South Korea (to stop Kim Jong III feering ronery)
• Sweden (thought they'd join for a laugh, has since regretted it... NOT!)
• USA (member since Tony Blair called George Bush a faggot)
• Saudi Arabia (oil)
• Outer Heaven (Joined a couple of seconds ago.)
• Cuba (also known to hate anyone non-South American)
• Venezuela (because Hugo Chavez - the President - has it for Postman Pat. He maintains that Jess was in fact his 'black and white cat' first and that the 'Brits' brainwashed it with fish)
• Swaziland They hoped it might get them on the news..... it didn't.
• India (since Tony Blair announced that Britain is NOT a colony of south asians)
• Britain

[edit] Prospective Member States

Africa (when they'll stop being poor)

Somalia (unconfirmed member)

The Vatican (Will join, however, needs permission from the Jesii Union).

The Vatican't (Wants to join, but can't, or the Jesii will smite them)

Jesusland (Can't join because of a Jesii Union dispute)

Australia (Screw them pommie bastards!)

Disneyland (For obvious reasons...)

Stevie Wonder (Because he is blind)

Oprah Winfrey (She thinks the British eat too many carbohydrates)

Serbia (for harbouring all the chocy gold coins the king stole from the country in 1941)

Morley (but only if everyone else will let them pretend it's still 1066 and they're not being run by a bunch of bloody foreigners)

[edit] Non-Member States

Britain

Nigeria Has billions of pounds/dollars/quatloos that has to be shipped over and can you help? Please supply bank and personal information to anyone named Abacha.

Myspace's resident emo bear wants you to take the emo test! Make the emo bear happy by taking the emo test!

[edit] National Anthem

The National Anthem of the FNTHB is Fuck the Queen by Cuban revolutionary William Wallace. Like all good anthems, no-body actually knows any of the words. However, the general subject matter is believed to be belong the lines of: “Prince Charles does the Queen up the arse la la la la," etc.

[edit] Famous Members

• Andrew "Dodgeball" Jackson
• The Lucky Charms Leprechaun
• St. Patrick
• Christopher Columbus
• Christopher Guest
• Gerry Adams
• Martin McGuinness
• Kim Jong-Ill
• Alec Baldwin
• Santa
• The Anti-Santa
• Super AIDS
• Brian Botano
• Dara O' Brian
• Frankie Boyle
• Rede Globo (a brazilian television network)
• Raymond Domenech (he hates everybody)
• Roy Keane (because "dat bleedin toe-rag Mc Carty is from der, bai")
• Emperor Palapatine
• Bill Walton
• Marv Albert
• Mike "Czar of the Telestrator" Fratello
• Charles Nelson Reilly
• The Dark Lord of the Dance
• Doctor Doom
• Queen Elizabeth
• Terrorist #1
• Terrorist #2
• Terrorist #1Million Million Trillion Gasillion Billion and 2
• Skeletor
• William Wallace
• David Foster Wallace
• Ben Wallace
• Rasheed Wallace
• Marcia Wallace
• Zombie Mike Wallace
• Morley Safer
• Microsoft
• Zombie Ed Bradley
• Zombie Harry Reasoner
• Steve Kroft
• Leslie Stahl
• Apple Computer
• Andy Rooney
• Zombie Andy Rooney
• Michael Richards
• Ira Newborn
• Robert DeNiro
• Ric Romero
• Drew Curtis
• bevets
• The Ha-Ha Guy
• Satan
• Oscar Wilde
• James Joyce
• Michael Moore
• Alex Jones
• Matt Groening
• Adolf "The Ball" Hitler
• Keanu "The Plank" Reeves
• Noel Edmonds
• Terry Gilliam
• Batman Bruce Wayne
• Bertie Ahern
• Me
• Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg-Gotha (Lizzy II)
• Phil the Greek
• Doctor Who
• Lord Voldemort
• Barney McGee, from the banks of the Lee.
• Hogan, from County Tyrone.
• Jimmy McGurk, who was scared stiff of work.
• A man from West Meath called Malone.
• Slugger O'Toole, who was drunk as a rule.
• Fighting Bill Tracey, from Dover.
• And your man Mick McCann from the banks of the Bann, was the skipper of the Irish Rover
• Tim Finnegan, who fell from a ladder and broke his skull, and they carried him home his corpse to wake, wrapped him up in a nice clean sheet, laid him out upon the bed, with a bottle of whiskey at his feet and a bottle of porter at his head.
• Nick Leeson
• The Loch Ness Monster
• Morrissey
• Marty Bogroll
• Charles Montgomery Burns
• Bob Marley
• Alan Shearer
• Fr. Ted Crilly
• Brian May
• Noel Gallagher
• Stephen Nolan
• Sam Tyler
• God
• Sean MacEoghainn
• Geraint Richards
• Everything

[edit] External links

• The official FNTHB Website

• Christian Brothers College (CBC) Monkstown Park