Female
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βDon't give them the keys or the remoteβ
~ Any Male on life
βIf I didn't plough one of these, little Oscar junior wouldn't be here today. I now prefer cock.β
~ Oscar Wilde on disturbing children
β The Heart of a Woman: Made of mush, but able to turn to stone in .143 seconds.β
~ Unknown on Guide to Women
βAaaah yes femaleβ
~ Lots of people on the mention of female
βSexy.β
~ Lesbians on females
The word Female is derived from the Latin ferrous (without penis) also known as the worlds ruler/majesty. The word male(man) they are known as the slaves on the planet. These or Females, are rarely confused with their male counterparts, in spite of their extreme attempts to emulate male behavior. Their brain can be easily located by anyone trained in this specialty. It was mistakenly thought before modern technology that they used a larger organ located in their head, but research has dispelled this myth with tests showing that this organ is used by females only for the "beauty reflex". The beauty reflex uses all of the power of this organ to compare physical appearance to other females. They sometimes rely on their male counterparts to screw things out for them as it is impossible for a female to screw things up.
Although they pride themselves on their relationship skills, females cannot seem to get along with each other. Their manipulative behavior and illogical thought processes leave them unable to develop relationships. Thus we have no need for the term "female bonding" in the English language. Although they claim to be less competitive than males, their capacity for jealousy and slander remains unrivaled in the entire animal kingdom.
Throughout millions of years of evolutionary development (read as "God's abstract doodling" in the deep South) females have managed to almost completely disconnect their brain from their communication mechanisms. Many of them can talk for hours using only a single thought. Most are capable of maintaining a rate of speech of well over 500 words per minute for several days straight with no detectable energy depletion.
With their unlimited practical usefulness they remain in high regard by males, proving that males are capable of rational thought processes. Some theoretical physicists have proposed that this high regard is due to the female ability to carry a parasite baby in her stomach for 9 months once she is in a condition known as "pregnancy," because men can't (and don't want to) do it themselves. However, the generally accepted theory involves the male fascination with the female anatomy.
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[edit] Introduction
The typical woman is identifiable by their spastic emotional highs and lows, extreme skill at emotional and physical manipulation, vaginal bleeding, and long hair. Eons ago a woman wrote much of this article, but it was full of shitty paragraphs and dumb prods at men. What a mess.
Moving on, God may or may not exist, and if He does, He may have created humans. (If God does exist, we clearly know that he is a man because the bible says so.) Humans come in many sexes, transgender, intersex, asexual, shemale. anti-shemale. etc and the "traditional" more common sexes of male and female. Gender and sex can be entirely independent from one another in some people. Anyway, women, or females, are one of these sexes.
According to human lore, Most Holy Scripture, Adam and Eve were the first man and woman respectively. Eve ate God's forbidden fruit, and totally screwed Adam over causing him and all humans pain and misery forever more. However, human lore is subject to falsification and acts of gross stupidity. Indeed, humans have made a sport out of creating silly encyclopedias that are totally fake, such as Wikipedia.
[edit] Female Characteristics in Males
The reason behind female characteristics being seen in the Male of the species has been attributed to an incident on 16th June, 1927. The worlds historians have pieced together this account of what happened:
A Man and his Female were going for a walk when, outrageously, the woman claimed that she could do some things better than the Male. This provoked an immediate response in the Male, who challenged the Female to a contest, testing attributes associated with both Males and Females.
The events were as follows:
- Spitting
- Drinking alcohol
- 100m sprint (100Males, a unit of measurement where 100 Males are laid down end to end to get a distance to race)
- Room decoration
- Cooking
As expected, the femininity of the female gave the first 3 events to the female. When it came to room decoration however, the Female took an even greater lead. It looked as if the Male would lose. Fortunately, the Male used his incredible brain power (also known as retardedness) to deduce that in order to win, he would have to take on certain characteristics of the Female. In doing this, he managed to win the contest, but also, Gay was born (which is why they are so retarded).
This had a knock on effect to Female, as Male no longer had to mate with Female, and the less attractive Females became obsolete. This gave rise to Lesbianism.
[edit] Male Characteristics in Males
The Penis is, honestly, a much cooler sexual organ than the vagina. In fact, the vagina is so uncool, that many men prefer to penetrate their female partner's butt rather than her vagina. This is also why shemales are so hawt.
[edit] Women Drivers
Many countries with sane governments constantly mock Britain for giving women equal rights to men. One of the most shocking of these is the right to drive. Women drivers are the single most dangerous things on the planet closely followed by women in a sale at Matalan. Letting a women drive a car is like giving an escaped convict a rocket launcher. Bad things happen. Every year in the UK there are over 600,000 traffic collisions that result in fatalities, 98% of these are due to women drivers. Common factors include them looking in the mirror to apply their make-up whilst driving and looking at road maps whilst driving due to being constantly lost. It is quite amazing how women, who are unable to drive at more than half of the speed limit and instantly panic and slow down if they pick up any speed, manage to get into so many crashes.
[edit] Feminists
Believe it or not, there are some women on the planet that talk about more than shopping, celebrities and beauty. These women are usually ugly unpopular or complete social outcasts. These women actually show mild signs of intelligence, do not be fooled however, this is merely an imitation of intelligence they have viewed from males. Due to them being freaks of nature, they have had spare time to observe male behaviour and copy it, much like the common parrot or a small baby, this imitation hides their actual minuscule intelligence. These annoying females tend to whine a lot and can sometimes be quite violent if they sense that their intelligence may be being questioned. To get rid of these irritating beings simply divert their attention away from you by throwing a shiny object somewhere, the feminist will instantly be drawn to the shiny object and chase after it with a large smile on their face.
[edit] Rape
Some men say she was asking for it.
Most say that those men should go to hell.
