Film critic

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Hi, I'm Richard Roeper.

I'm Roger Ebert.

I'm Gene Shalit.

And I'm Leonard Maltin.

Today, we will be discussing

Film Critic

starring George Clooney and Anthony Hopkins.

The film is based on the popular video game, Grand Theft Auto, as well as the epic poem, Beowulf.

Anthony Hopkins stars in Film Critic.

This film is very flawed. First of all, The two source materials don't mix very well to begin with. Why is Beowulf (Played by Hopkins) fighting Grendel (Played by Clooney) in a brand new Camaro?

That really bothered me, too. And the writers must have been high, or else this was written by a monkey during the Writers' Guild Strike.

I agree, completely pointless. I've seen better writing on an episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway?... and that show is completely improvised!

Rob Zombie directs Sid Haig in "Film Critic."

Actually, I thought it was pretty good. Most people don't give Michael Bay the credit he deserves. He and Rob Zombie did a great job with the fifteen-page script, and let the actors improvise to fill the time. Zombie is a masterful director, who already has three masterpieces to his name: House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, and his Oscar-worthy remake, Halloween. Rob Zombie didn't want to cast any big names for this project, but he compromised with co-writer and co-producer Michael Bay. Bay got to cast George Clooney and Anthony Hopkins, while Rob Zombie got to cast some of his regular actors, including Sid Haig, best known for his role as Captain Spaulding in House and Rejects.

I think Rob Zombie's directing in this film was lackluster at best. His first three films are marvelous, but this film is atrocious. The 2:35:1 widescreen aspect ratio doesn't work very well this time around. The title gets cut off at the beginning, actors' heads are cut off at the top, the audio is completely out of sync with the video...

Which version did you see? I didn't have this problem at the theaters.

I actually downloaded the workprint version off Amazon.com. After viewing it, I know I won't be paying money to see this crap in theaters.

In case you don't already know, Film Critic is about a film critic named Gene Grendel (Played by George Clooney), who is the harshest of all film critics; he will never let you off the hook for doing a bad movie. You could do Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and then do John Carpenter's Halloween, and he will still snub you and your film.

Richard Beowulf (Anthony Hopkins) is a legendary stage and screen actor, two time Oscar winner. When he stars as Van Helsing in Uwe Boll's Dracula, Grendel gives Beowulf the harshest review he has given any actor in his entire career.

The review threatens Beowulf's marriage and career. Angelina Jolie is beautiful and believable as Beowulf's young wife, Beatrice. Richard Beowulf decides to fly to Hollywood to confront the critic in a very violent and sadistic manner typical of a Rob Zombie film. But -- as with Halloween -- despite the blood, there is zero gore in this movie.

Overall, I give this film ***½ out of a possible ****.

I only give this film **½, and that's just for the godwaful soundtrack. I've had enough of these redneck chase scenes with "Freebird" blaring in the background!

I give the soundtrack **** and the film zero, because I just hated it. Sir Anthony Hopkins deserves better than this trite. The "Freebird" scene was by far the only decent scene in this whole piece of crap.

This film is so unbearably atrocious that I have no choice but to give it Four friggin' stars!!!

It's so bad, it's good. It's like they're paying tribute to Ed Wood by making the worst possible movie, and being very good at it. Rob Zombie and Michael Bay have made history by making good crap.

That's our show. Next week, we're gonna review Mr. Winkler is Gay starring Henry Winkler and Colin Mochrie. Until then, the balcony is closed.