Finland
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| Motto | Suomi Finland Perkele! | The Ballsack of Europe | |||
| Government | Bureaucratic Demorcratorship | ||||
| Official language | Undecipherable with lots of unpronounceable wovels | ||||
| Location | Far away from USA, so far from Japan, quite a long way from Cairo, lots of miles from Vietnam, but it´s there. | ||||
| Capital | Hell sink (even years) and Schmerzburg (odd years) | ||||
| National anthem | Hard Rock Hallelujah, The Nokia Tune and any HIM song. | ||||
| Independence - Declared - Recognised | From Kekkoslovakia 6(66) December 1917 3000 BC | ||||
| Currency | Säkkiwulesi, ihQseteli and flying squirrel skins | ||||
| Population | Maybe a bit over 1000, nobody cares. | ||||
| Religion | Atheism, Nihilism, Lutheranism, Lordi worshipping | ||||
| Leader | Ville Valo | ||||
| National vehicle | Pappatunturi | ||||
Exports
 | Women, Saunas, Love Metal, snowboards, Lappi, Turunmaa, Jarkko Ruutu, Father Christmas, Vowels | ||||
| Imports | Russian vodka, African husbands, Russian wives, Beer, Used German cars, Vodka leftovers put together | ||||
| Ethnic composition | nerds 100.0 with exeption of jari, sometimes % Lordi fans 0.7 % Lyceians 715517 ‰ Violent offenders 24.4 % Politicians 1.8 % Otakus 23.23 % Kings 0.001 % Blank 36.3 % Vice people 100.00 % Level P12+ Telepaths 25% | ||||
| Special ability | Sub-zero temperature rays, x-ray sense of smell, invulnerable to kryptonite unless thrown | ||||
 PIECE OF CRAP WARNING!This page is a piece of crap. The author(s) acknowledge this.
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| This article is part of the What I Didn't Know about Finland series. | |
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Finland also known as The Republic of pigs who stab with knives, the testes of Europe, better known as the home of Linus Torvalds,is a rather large country in the North of Europe. Finland is also known as ' the land of the thousand ex-beauty queens and ex-athletes in the government '. All European countries have adopted their culture from Finland, for example its language which everyone speaks. Prehistoric Finnish food is widely acclaimed and its chefs renowned for their ability to take all kinds of apparently edible substances and make them look like excrement. For example, the Easter food Mämmi resembles diarrhea and a couple of big but nasty tits, Salmiakki looks like goat pellets and "mustamakkara" looks like a big turd. Not to mention maksalaatikko. Nowadays, however, the true traditional foods of Finland are kebab and pizza. Thanks to these inventions Finland has become another nation of fat bastards.
Because Finland is colder than the polar bear's funhole, the Finns decided to make the sauna, their sole contribution to human life as of today (except of course, nordic walking and the totally useless Nokia). Some like to say that the Sauna really comes from the Russians, but don't be silly: everyone knows the only thing the Russians ever came up with is the AK-47. Bob Dole. Since Finland is uninhabitable during the winter and inhospitable during the summer, the Finns had to come up with a property of character, sisu, meaning an advanced form of self-deceit.
A popular Finnish proverb is : perkele vittu ruotsalaiset saatana!!!!!!
Contents |
[edit] History
[edit] Pre-history of Finland
First evidence of Finnish settlement in Finland was found 1789 B.C., when an archeologist found a pile of swedish gay bones in a cave in near the today's city of Porvoo. These bones were first thought to be some remnants of a wild beast but it was later genetically proved that they were from a new subspecies of Homo Erectus, namely from Homo Finno-Ugritus.
[edit] Later History
In the beginning, there was only one country, GERMANY. However, the germans were not very nice, and did bad things like the holocaust and 9/11. therefore, a group of super-powered rebels, under the F.I.N.L.A.N.D., whose meaning has been lost in the anals of time, broke free from the horrible tyranny, of the Germans. Eventually, they were able to free their followers, the native americans, and sent them far away to the land of America. Here, they would be safe, at least until the damn brits came, and porked them over big time. This gave them the ability to barbecue.
Meanwhile, the F.I.N.L.A.N.D. continued their battles in GERMANY (they fouhgt in France, no one liked the French), eventually liberating people, and when their work was done, and the Germans were thoroughly disgraced, they founded FINLAND. Snce, Finland was founded by people with superpowers, it is a glorious nation, where everyone can melt people's pants, !!!WITH THEIR MINDS!!!. They later developed the ability to eat cows whole in one bite!!!!!!
At First, FINLAND was ruled over by the almighty Mel Gibson who didn't give a fuck. The people ruled over the land of FINLAND, and melted a great mny swedish fags, and bellowed his mighty war cry "ROAAAD WAAARIOOORRRR!!!" Finland should not be around, although, it is just possible that it isnt! Like the swedish city of orebro, it is fake, does not exist. ignore it, And remember that unlike most towns, Finland has a coffeshop, where you can purchase a latte and drink it while watching a motorbike breakdown. IT DOES NOT EXIST IN CHINA!!!!!!!!!!
They later ended up taking all of Germany with all their mighty poop throwing abilities. they would blind the Germans with their acid poop. Leading them was the almighty Mel Gibson and his awesome face paint. They charged and even though they lost 1,000,000,000,000,000 people in the battle and only killed 10 Germans they consider it their greatest battle ever fought. Their mighty rein over Germany continues today.
[edit] Continuation War
To be Continued...
[edit] Military
[edit] Common military tactics
Throughout their history, the Finns have been known to be backstabbing pussies. This was shown when the Turks besieged Helsinki in 1453. At that time, Helsinki's population was an incredible 500 people. The Turks had an army consisting of 14.3 billion soldiers. No problem. The Finns saw the Turks freezing their balls off outside the city walls, and decided that this was the perfect time to exploit them. They distributed blankets infected with Bird Flu. Within a matter of days, the entire Turkish army was destroyed. This military tactic is known as "Kil the enemi vhit Biolotsikal Vaarfeer". When the Finns' enemies finally figured out that the blankets were made in Vietnam, they stopped accepting them. The Finns had to find another tactic. Unfortunately, they're not exactly military geniuses, so it took them until the 1920s to figure something out: "Finland-style Guerilla Warfare". Bob Dole. This tactic is employed by placing Finnish soldiers on cross-country skis. You go hide in the woods (you can even make a machine gun pillbox cleverly disguised as a Sauna), and mow down the Russian Army with Machine Gun fire and Frozen Reindeer steaks. When completed, you take the Panzers that Nazi Germany gave you for Christmas, and you run down the helpless, routing Russians. However, section 755a.69 of the "Finnish Soldier's guide to Warfare" clearly states that once you are finished pwning the Russians, you must promptly empty many bottles of spirits. If this instruction was not included in the 5000-page guide, we'd all be subjects of the Finnish Emperor. gffgf Finland does have a new version of their army coming out, called "The Finnish Army: V1.2.567.256.G-8". It is to consist of flying penguins which will be called The Black Omega squadron also its Finland new elite air force, and Girl Scouts that throw cookies at you, although most other information is classified. It has been revealed, however, that they will try and implement flying dildos as part of their backup squadron. It was also leaked from the military that they are attmepting to rebuild Leonardo's death machine which is a huge ass robot that only the fin's know about. Unfortunately, only the big toe has been completed, and takes up half of their country.It'll also include a new kernel, version 2.6.19.2 which fixes page_mkclean_one(): virtual caches.
At summer Finnish Air Force is supported by hordes of hungry mosquitos that suck all blood out of the enemy. At winter they use their two stukas, one stolen triplane and only flying penquine in the world, R0kk4. The Finnish Air Force is known to employ any airplanes declared obsolete or too dangerous to fly and force the conscripts to fly them.
[edit] Armorment and Technology
The Finnish army is based on conscription. It means that if you are a boy, when you hit twenty you are forced in the army or either be humiliated and ostracized for life, or go to prison. No salary or other compensation except standard prison allowance is paid during the service, and many career criminals consider the joint to be a far more comfortable place to spend your youth than the Finnish Army. The most talented and toughest of the youth may get promoted to various NCO ranks and have a chance to harass and bully the younger conscripts at will.
The Finnish armed forces are equipped with state of the art weaponry and technology. The blueprints and diagrams are provided by the Discovery Channel. Every monday, the highest authority sits down and watches FutureWeapons. Then, on tuesday, the little hamsters at the lab get the plans, and by wednsday, the new tech is pumped out. For more info see Your Mom. Since most conscripts are somewhat technologically more adept than the lifers, they usually take their electronic gadgets with them to army, where they can be easily kludged into IEDs and remote controlled mines, well suited for the Finnish army never fight fair tactics.
[edit] Language
Finland is believed to have a language, but observations of Finns in their natural habitat reveal their language to be no more than a series of nods and grunts. SMS's are the main communication method, the dullest ones are publicized on the local National Enquirer 'Hymy-IL' or compiled in a book. Then they are voted (via mobile phone), this serves as the judicial system in the country.
- (See Language of Finland)
[edit] famous finish words and phrases
- nokia = telephone
- koira = Dog
- Linus Torvalds = almighty/genius
- sauna = fucking hot place
- paska = shit
- perkele = hell / devil
- haista vittu = fuck you / smell a pussy
- hääyöaie = intentions for the wedding night
Curious phrases:
- Kärpänen tapettiin tapettiin, tapettiin jäi märkä läntti. = About a squished fly.
- Älä rääkkää kääkkää! - Emmä rääkkääkkää. = Don't pester the old man! - I'm not.
- Kokko, kokoa koko kokko. Koko kokkoko? -Koko kokko = Kokko(name) make up the whole bonfire. The whole bonfire? -The whole bonfire
[edit] Politics
Finland has no political influence to speak of, but if you insist, we'll speak of it anyway: The president looks like Conan o'Brien
[edit] Finnish Kings and Queens
[edit] Urho I the Terrible (1952-1980)
King Urho I reigned in the years 1952-1980 and was considered the most ruthless of all Finnish kings, only one of ancient kings during the Old Kindom (1200 AD- c.1450 AD) - Sepalus II - was in match with him. Urho I assumed power in a bloodless palace coup, in which the previous King Juho II was arrested and Urho took control of the country. First years of his reign was quite peaceful, but situation changed dramatically after the so-called "Parliamentary Plot" in which a group of dissatified army officers, supported by the Swedish secret police SäPo, planned to blow off the palace building. However, the Finnish secret police SuPo found out about these plans and the plotters were arrested, tried and later executed. Shortly after the plot (1955) there were famous "The Great Fire of Helsinki", a major fire which destroyed almost half of the town and left a couple of hundred thousand people homeless. Shortly after the fire the rumous started to circulate that Urho I himself was responsible for the catastrophe. It was well known that his Royal Architect Alvar "Speer" Aalto was planning a new palace complex to be built in the central Helsinki and Urho I was very enthusiastic about the plan. This new palace was intended to be greater than Louvre and Versailles together consisting of 5000 rooms. The building of the palace began immediately and those people left homeless were used as labour force. After the palace was ready, there were reports all around the country that a sign "666" has been seen in the sky, but these reports were not confirmed. The secret police tightened its control over the country and tens thousands of people were arrested and sent to camps in the Northern Finland, where the conditions were so horrible (temperatures falling under -70¨C )that nobody came back.Urho once commented this saying that: "if the food is going off it has to be freezed". Bob Dole. Logic in this statement is that there is no logic, but that was normal at the time and in Finnish political life in general. He also gave a decree which banned radiostations playing any music by the Beatles. "No more this fuckin' nigger Jazz", he reportedly said when heard the Beatles one morning in hangover.
[edit] Manu I the Simple
The reign of Manu I was peaceful, nothing happened.
[edit] Tarja II the Virgin Queen
Despite her name she was sexually active in her youth, but later on, she preferred to be called herself as "Virgin Queen". Her reign is considered to be the most peaceful of all Finnish rulers, perhaps except the Manu I. Only one thing during her rule, that aroused questions, was the assassination of her husband P.A. This took place during the Independence Festifies in 2007. He was found dead in a one of the WCs of the Royal Palace and an initial investigation showed that he was poisoned with Koskenkorva. Police made some inquiries but could't find any suspects and investiqation was later shelfed. It was strongly believed that Tarja had lived under the first letter "N" in "FINLAND" in world map.
[edit] Paavo IV the POPE (2008-2022)
Life of the king Paavo IV is full of mysteries and even today there is doubts that he even was one person. Countless theories has been put forward to explain his multitude of appearances and opinions that changes almost in a daily basis. However, nowadays it is well established that Paavo Nickelsucker was born in a little village of JuntinPuntti in eastern Finland. His first name Paavo was a Finnish adaptation of the titel "Pope" and his last name was originally a nickname of his father, who earned the name during the Great Patriotic War.
[edit] Assasination
Assasination of Paavo IV took place in the city of Tampere during his annual inspection tour, when he was driven in a convertible through the city. The assasinator was hiding in a school book warehause building, and he had a heavy Vickers-machine gun with him. The firing started shortly after king's car was located in front of the building, and lasted about ten minutes. It was later estimated that shooter fired as much as 6900 bullets towards the king's car. The king was dead.
The assasinator was later captured, but was mistakenly freed due to some errors in police prosedure and never found again. There were almost instantly conspiracy theories around, and there is still today much debate about so-called "Magic Bullet", a bullet found jammed in a wall about 300 ft away from the murder scene. Head Inspector of the Police said that it was ballistically impossible that the bullet could be there.
- (See Politics of Finland)
[edit] Olympics
[edit] Total Domination
In the winter Olympics, the Finnish people crawl out of their Igloos and resume their plans of world domination through the total sweep in the winter Olympics.
All Finnish boys, like the brutal Spartans, are sent to train in the winter sports at the age of 7 for a grueling 30 years of training, ranging from:
- Bobsledding
- Skiing
- The wonderful art of stabbing people with a ski pole
- Snowboarding(Thank god for Shaun White)
- Shooting .22 Caliber rifles for the Biathalon
[edit] Wins
- 1956(First ever win.)
- Every Winter Olympic there after.
[edit] Economy
The Finnish economy is run using a brilliant technique known as guerilla marketing. This involves making a highly popular and oft used technology, but convincing the whole world you had nothing to do with making it and it's really from some Asian country people have actually heard of. The best known example of this would be Japans mobile phone manufacturer Nokia, run from a sweat-shop in Kilon poliisi, Espoo (a famous Finnish city, pronounced "ass-poo"). A sweat shop is not considered bad in any way in Finland, as sweating in saunas is extremely popular. The second most important trade good is alcohol. Although there are no factories in Finland producing actual alcohol, most of it is imported, by the end users themselves, from Estonia on a daily basis. The Finnish liquor fleet consists of dozens of huge white ships sailing non-stop between Estonia and Finland, full of eager citizens willing to help their country fill its stocks of booze, although most of it is consumed during the trip.
Historically, most of the export revenues have come from selling captured and tamed father christmasses. Arctic Lapland region is exceptionally well suited for herding these dangerous beasts. However, companies such as Rare Exports Inc. are constantly complaining about rising wage costs and are moving operations abroad to countries such as Brasil and China. Union of Father Christmas Hunters claims that this is only social dumping, and companies abroad are not paying proper attention to safety of hunters. It is also claimed that although father christmas reaches adulthood in warmer climate in fraction of time compared to Finland, quality of end product cannot be compared to original father christmas grown in extreme coldness of finnish winter.
Great expectations are focused towards Finnish company Biolan, which has for years tried to develop a neural net based organic network solution for data transfer rates superior to even optic fiber, although so far a breakthrough is not in sight. Biolan's plan is to grow the biological network inside underground tubes, so that it is no longer necessary to put cables into the tubes.
A majority of the Finnish population income is derived from Nokia stock purchased in the 1950ies.
The currency of Finland is Säkkiwulesi and flying squirrel skins. In fact, the Finnish word "raha" for "money" means "squirrel skin", although this is unsuitable for an encyclopedia, since it's an actual fact.
[edit] The Finns
Not much is known about this mysterious nation of extraterrestrials, but it is the educated opinion that they are mostly 1.9 meters in height, with blond hair, a large appettite for alcohol, and very little ability to hold it. Thus 90% of Finland's population have made a career as cs playahs, CS (known also as kheeäs or kyntteri) being the most played online computer game in the whole world. Finland's population seemingly consists mostly of 12 -year-old teenager cs players who swear a lot and make strange noises when they lose a match. Thus, it is confirmed, that about 80% of the population appears to be 12 -year-olds, which makes the calculated mean age of an average finnish person 17,6 years.
Because of the dark and depressing Finnish winter, Finns completely lose their minds when summer finally arrives and temperature rises above +2 degrees celcius in mid-June. It's the time when polar bears migrate back to the polar circle for a week or two and people can finally leave the safety of their homes. Summer is then celebrated by drinking heavily and drowning in the nearest lake.
When summer is over after a week or two the Finns migrate south to Estonia for a whole day and return with their little trollies filled with Viru Valge or, even better, with Viru Valge Vägev. The lucky ones come back with an itch in their scrotum. Then they lock themselves indoors and drink vodka all day. If they run out of vodka they might migrate south for another day. Winter time is tolerated by being heavily intoxicated.
Polar bears are quite a common sight. They live among the people and the penguins and at times mutilate random pedestrians just for the heck of it, as well as being responsible for public sanitation and child welfare. In fact, polar bears are the real supreme leaders of the country. They just let those pitiful humans go on about their business because they couldn't give a damn.
Also, every single Finn is a drunkard. They begin drinking in the morning, and finally stop when they pass out. Some do keep on going after passing out with the aid of some of the closest friends or the hospital staff.
Speaking about drinking - the most famous and commonly used toast in Finnish is "Nyt"; which has to be followed by the sentence "Vodka is good, but it's tooooooo expensive!!!". It's probably this endearingly thrifty drunkenness which has led to the widespread adoption of petrol as a national drink. With the advent of unleaded petrol, educational standards have recently improved.
All Finns carry a knife. Every single one of them. Even that little 5-year-old girl with an ax right behind you.
The Finnish knife, puukko, is a simple-looking but an extremely nasty edged weapon forged from fine carbon steel. It has been designed to slide comfortably between the bones of the human ribcage. Usually the Finnish children get their first puukko at the age they learn to walk, and puukko is the only civilian item (besides eyeglasses) which can be worn by the conscripts while in uniform. Puukko is also the object in the traditional teenagers' sports, puukkohippa.
Most Finns die in alcohol related accidents. The most common being drowning because they fall out off a boat while drunkenly trying to pee over the side. Closely followed by the by being stabbed by drunken former ski jumpers after beating them in the traditional game of finger wrestling.
- Finnish people are intoxicated when they're not drunk.
- Finnish people are born with alcohol in their blood.
[edit] Animals
Even though the average foreigner believes that Polar Bears inhabit and terrorize Finland they are wrong. This is only happening in Porvoo, which still lives in Ice Age. Actually, this is a plague of Norway, where 3000 people are killed yearly by monster attacks. The only safe animal in Finland is The Killer Rabbit.
In the time when fish ate lions, Finland had only one animal. It was a cat. There is scientific evidence that over thousands of years, this cat gave birth to Hitler. This is why Hitler had such a terrifying mustache which felt like whiskers.
Animals of Finland
- Moomins
- Evil Reindeers
- Polar bears
- Blood hungry flying squirrels
- Retards
- Lordi
- Horny Manatee
- Troll ( Same famous trolls in Finland. Hugo The Troll and Finntroll )
- The Killer Rabbit
- Makkara
- Antti Tuisku
- Hanna Pakarinen
- Penguins
- The Dudesons
- Hitler Cat
- Some swedish immigrants
- Rölli
[edit] Culture
The Finnish National instrument is the Kantele(Kain-tee-lee) This instrument was created during the first war against the Germans to bore invading soldiers to sleep. Many poor finns play to Kantele on the street to raise money for their families. The many street goers of Finland collapse as they hear the deathly boring sound of the Kantele, giving the musician the chance to loot their unconscious body. :(See Culture of Finland)
[edit] Myths
- The well known communist singer Linux Torvalds is often said to be from Finland. He is actually from Japan.
- The name of the Finnish city Espoo was derived from the word lesbo. This is in fact true.
- in the finnish mythology elves are mystical creatures who steal your beer and eat your children if you leave either of them ungarded.
- Finns believe, that Uusis is father of God and all Universum.
- It is often thought that polar bears and wolves can be seen in Helsinki(also known as helvetinkinkku [Hellham]), the former capital of Finland. This has not been the case for over a hundred years since nowadays all dangerous animals are transported to Dragsvik for waste control.
- It is rumoured that there once was a village named Porvoo right next to Helsinki. Today no one remembers it.
- There is a rumor that one of the original seven Finnish tribes wandered to north and built the city of Oulu. This is considered to be false information and it's only used nowadays to scare children.
- Many people believe that Finland still exists when in fact it was destroyed by the Middle Eastern Song Contest in 2003
- Finland is commonly believed to have land-mass, when it is in fact just a website.
- "AE" is a common Finnish letter. Contrary to popular belief, it should not be reduced to an "ä", as this causes both confusion and ridicule. Your guideline should be "Matti Nuekaenen is from Juevaeskuelae"
- Some people think that Finns are originally from Ural but that is just another typo. Finns are known to be originally from Urinal.
- Finland has no forests. It's actually a desert.
- If you ever even see the word 'Sipoo' (Sipoo is Finnish and means about the same as 'warning!') turn back as fast as you can. Sipoo is actually only a big old forest, full of scary, freaky woodfolk who do whatever it takes to figure out the ultimate question, the meaning of life. They just can't believe the simple answer 42. Some of the folk in Sipoo think that life is only a black, white and red party, and then we all die.
- Lately the Sipoo problem has been dealt with using Borg tactics, assimilated for expansion needs of the drones in Hells Sink. Resistance was futile. The woodfolk now answer to unimatrix one.
- Some believe that Helsinki is the capital of Finland, but it's actually just a big pile of garbage and smelly stuff near the forgotten Porvoo. True capital of Finland is Hauho, which you can find in the middle of nowhere, and wayyy tooo near agaist Russia.
- The big tower called Näsinneula in a Finnish town called Tampere is believed to have been built to be a sight-seeing tower. Näsinneula was originally an ion-cannon that Finland secretly used during the very last years of the cold war. Today it is something else.
- Their allegedly neighboring country of Sweden was previously a province of Finland under the name Svedängen. The finns persist that Sweden remains an insignificant region of Espoo and that Norway is spelled U.S.A.. Svedängen's only use was being a place for driving pulkka, but became a financial burial ground since the dawn of Ericsson.
- Finland's National PastTime is not 'strengthening it's borders against the Russians'.
[edit] Finnish sense of humour
Finns are very well known for their complete misunderstanding of irony. As they are aware of their intellectual deficit, they may overcompensate by taking any statement as some form of sarcasm. This has led the nation to some very exciting situations, like when the Swedes said "Hey, we are going to rule you for a couple of centuries" and the Finns kind of replied "Don't forget to build a couple of castles while you're at it."
On the other hand, the Finnsh have a very developed sense of schadenfreude. They are very keen to laugh on someone's misfortune, and take a great extents on enjoying bad things happening to innocents.
Finns are very easy to read when it comes to situations where you need to know whether or not they got a joke: They usually have a serious, even depressed look, but if they think you might have said something funny they have a loud laugh that lasts about ten minutes and after that they give you hugs and kisses and thank you for a million times for making them so happy (but don't start to feel any better about yourself, they're planning suicide again in 10 minutes). When themselves telling a "joke" they laugh so much you cannot hear what they are actually trying to say. These awkward situations are so unnatural (yet very common) for Finns that it scares both you and the Finns themselves.
Finnish sense of humour is deeply appreciated by Björk. As a result, subtitled Finnish stand-up comedy has become a hot trend in Tokyo.
A qualitative display of Finnish sense of humour through Uncyclopedia articles written by Finns results in the fact that you still haven't even faintly smiled while reading this article.
[edit] Religion
Attempts to impose Christianity on Finns failed miserably. Finns worship ancient pagan Gods like Väinämöinen, Gandalf, Juhan af Grann and Harry Potter. Especially Swedes consider Finns as "strange witch-people of the North" and live in terrible fear of them. The Finns later figured out Christianity wasn't such a bad idea after all as Jesus could turn water into wine just like that, and they then syncretized their pagan deities with the Christian religion, combining the Pagan violence and sexual morals with the Christian concept of only one single cosmic bully and do the other guy first before he does you. Finnish Bible is called the "Kalevala". It´s an intriguing historical story of the ancient semi-gods from Andromeda Galaxy who setteled in Finland and formed back then the political systems existing nowadays in Finland. Their leader "Väinämöinen" is widely worshipped today in entire country by drinking Kossu, the holy spirit of Finland (but he still can't get laid!).
Finland has a state church and 99% of the population are extremely religious. This is probably because after a normal drinking night they experience the "Finnish Hang-Over" which is about 150 times worse than a normal hang-over. When experiencing a hang-over this extreme people tend to look for salvation and that is what religion provides them. This also means that their religious devotion is always under constant change but luckily the need for salvation when experiencing hang-over is so profound that the people tend to donate large sums of the local currency "säkkiwulesi" to the church. Religious donations form about 35% of all monetary traffic in Finland. Veli Saari-Kalle, also known as the first man to play Game Gear in Finland, is the foremost religious leader in Finland and everyone believes that he has descended straight from God.
This is shit stepped up to challenge the old ways. His name is Markku Uusipaavalniemi. It is rumoured that there several sites of worship have been risen for Markku Uusipaavalniemi. He is also known as "Uusis" by his followers. It is expected that Veli Saari-Kalle will face strong opposition this spring from the followers of Uusis. Great wars are bound to brake out. We also shouldn't forget The Great Leader Kim Jong Il which has allied with Conan O'brien and has made some nasty pictures of "Uusis" taking a bath...
Some Pasta movements is reported lately. But the most fearsome religion has been found from all across Finland with terrible growth to hole Europe (Germany is allredy fallen to this religion and as the center of Europe the other countries WILL FALL)wich is called as the Loordism. It is actually been for eons alredy but it has gotten more powerful after their Messiah used mind weapon called Eurovizio`nz to become the president of Finland and take over the world.You may survive if you learn to use lesser mind wepons called Musiikki-instrumentit.In best possible scenario you might become an archdemon.
[edit] See also
- Finland (Facts)
- Finnish creationism
- Children of Boredom
- Wife carrying
- Norse
- New Finland
- Lithuania
- Sweden
- Estonia
- Nightwish
- Suicide
- Oulu
- Petsmo
- turku
- Ylivieska
- Kummeli
- Page that is completely unrelated to Finland
- Central Asia
- Humppa
- Awesome
- Finnish Profanity
- Nelson Piquet
- Fi:President of Finland
| Cold Nordic Countries |
| Denmark | Faeroe Islands | Finland | Greenland | Iceland | Norway | Midgård | Sweden | Svalbard | Scotland | |
| Association of Drunk Finnish Journalists Template of Distinction |
| This article has been featured in Turun Sanomat, a notable daily newspaper for drunks in Southwestern Finland on May 21st 2006, taking away the little credibility the paper had left. Turun Sanomat nevertheless continues to be popular as wrapping material among fishmongers. THE END!!! |
THIS THREAD IS FUCKING FAKE!
