Firefighter

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Firefighter.

A fireman with his axe (closing in on his next victim)

“In Soviet Russia, fire fights YOU!”

~ Russian reversal on Firefighter

A Fireman or "Firefighter" is a very dangerous monster that will only enter your house if it's on fire. They carry large axes, and their sole purpose is to kill you. Children are especially vulnerable, so teach them to recognise Firemen and to KEEP AWAY from them.

Sometimes a Fireman may not kill you right away. He will first demand that you come with him. There is one weakness they have: If you kick them in their testicles hard enough, they will drop to the ground and scream for a pay rise and early retirement. This will give you time to escape.

[edit] What to do in a fire

Quickly hide in the most remote and hidden part of your house, and cover yourself in newspaper soaked in any flammable liquid you can find (that scares them away). If you have a gun or other weapon, get it so you can defend yourself when they try to "take you away". Being killed by a fireman/monster is one of the most painful of deaths, next to eating a tub-full of "Bush Beans". Firefighters also bring vicious dogs with them that will tear your skin off if they can find you. So remember, if you are ever in a fire, make sure it gets REALLY BIG, and spreads to your neighbors house. They will be lured away to them, but more could arrive as back-up!

[edit] Where to hide

A wooden closet that you can lock from the inside
Under the bed in the spare bedroom where you store your gas bottles
In your attic or basement (try to get as far away from them as possible)
Under some flammable-cheese
Inside a fold-out couch
Outside a fold-in couch
In an old refrigerator with a rusty lock
In grandpa's fireworks box
A small plastic bag (I know they look small, but start by putting your head in first)
Next to a gas heater that has a leak

If you cannot hide, run to the top of your house and jump out of the window. If you see a trampoline below, try to move out of its way. It's just another one of their traps.