FPS

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Typical FPS.

“...”

~ Gordan Freeman on First person shooters

A FPS is a first-person-shooter video game(and sometimes your first person shooter). They are named this way in honour of Richard J Gatlin who, in 1862, became the first person ever to shoot someone. He enjoyed the experience so much that in 1864 he set up a series of franchised centers, where paying customers could go to one of his name-branded 'First Person' Shooter centers and shoot people. The idea proved popular, and shortly after Samual Colt set up his infamous 'Second Person' Shooter establishment, after becoming the second person ever to shoot someone. Not to be outdone, William Bonney (also known as Billy the Kid) promptly went on a killing spree then opened his 'I've Shot More People Than Either Of Those Two Nancys' complex. But in 1891, studies showed an unusual degree of ill-health prevalent in patrons of these shooter centers, and health and safety legislation was quickly drawn up to close them down.

In the early 1990s, it was realised that Gatlin's original "First Person Shooter" experience could be simulated on computers without the associated risk of poor health, and so the FPS genre was born. It has introduced us to some of the greatest man(and women,sometimes) ever. Such as;

1 Gordan Freeman
2 Master Chief
3 Doom guy
4 Tommy from Prey
5 Mario
6 Luigi

[edit] Gordan Freeman

Gordon Freeman is best known for his role in the Half-Life, but he is little known for his ongoing dispute with a certain other hero of the FPS genre (Master Chief). For some dumbass reason he cannot talk ever, never, ever. Im not joking you can just go ask him yourself. A great rolemodel for geeks everywhere, as he is a sciencetist that can bitchslap aliens with a crowbar, and he gets the girl. The whole package if you ask me. The greatest thing to happed to Gordon Freeman is when that bitches dad was killed, I mean, no cling on from the dad comi into the room shen that bitch is screamin her head of.

[edit] Master Chief

The Demon child of the joining of Samus Aran and Gordon Freeman. I mean, how else could a guy be this totally unstoppable? Hmm???

I know right!!!! First hes like boom then hes like pow then he just gets pissed off and kills everyone!!!!

[edit] Doom guy

A legend, a classic, a monster. Taking on hordes of zombies and demons, zombie-demons, demon-zombies, the whole army here people! Any good zombie genocider knows that to kill a zombie army correctly, you need to use the correct equipment; shotgun, actually this is the only one you really need, with its widespread attack and high damage. but Doom guy knows how to make things more interesting; The Chainsaw, swords are just too normal and crowbars are just too geeky for Doom guy, he throws a gas-guzzling limb tearing Chainsaw in the mix. Bootiful. And you'll ask no questions why their are chainsaws on Mars; The BFG, the best friggin' gun anywhere. pwnage to the max, this gun is on the same level as one of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks, if not worse. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the Doom guy actually outranks Chuck Norris. But not Carmine.

[edit] Tommy from Prey

Meh, this guys okay. Not the cooliest. Well he uses.. like peoples arms... as weapons... or guns... He has to go save his girlfriend who gets kidnapped by these freaky ass aliens who are fugly as hell. These mutha's want to eat you up for "protien". He turns into an ghosty type fella' and can use a really awesome shiny bow thats shiny. As for close combat, he prefers a wrentch, so he can adjust its size to suit his ass kicking needs. Mind you not nearly as deasdly as the famed FPS MFer Mike the Library Guy.

[edit] Mario

Starred in "Duck Hunt: Extreme Hunting" and "Yoshi's Safari". These are the best shooters ever, or actually the best games of all time. Mario frequently shoots (and kills) the sun, Gordon Freeman, Master Chief, Samus, Doomguy, Mr Halo, Mama Haloman, Halo, and Tommy. Luigi tried to take Mario's place, but Mario shived mushrooms up his Vacume CLeaner and anyway, who gives a stuff about Luigi anyway???

(for those that do actually give a stuff about luigi he is currently trying to get a job as a ghost buster but has been repeatedly rejected for being too weird and gay)