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Jesus is mighty pissed off this time around.

Fist of the North Star is the narration of the second coming of Jesus Christ as told by the holy spirit. Set deep in the Australian outbacks the story tells the adventures and misadventures of the reincarnation of God's son. Much has changed since the first story. In the first series "New Testament" Jesus was a peace loving flimsy hippie who used his powers to heal and multiply fish, he is now a muscled behemoth called Kenshiro who uses his powers to blow people's necks and spinal cords to bits. He also has much larger eyebrows and is considerably more angry. In what has been describe as a move to appease fans and a response to critics he now acts instead of talking, whereas in the first series he threatened to send people to hell but never actually did he now kills a minimun of 20 people per episode(women and children not included). The reason given for this change in temperament is given in the first few episodes where we see Jesus with the reincarnation of Mary Magdalene, now called Julia. Julia is kidnapped by satan(who is now a blonde aryan), who dyes her hair pink out of spite. This drives Jesus insane who becomes his insane alter ego "Kenshiro".

Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Gandalf dies and then reappears in Fangorn Forest in the next book, the Skull Kid was possessed by the demon sealed within Majora's Mask, Locke's dad is on the island Earth is the computer designed to calculate the Ultimate Question, the Lord of the Flies is inside us all, your rival has already beaten the Elite Four, Brandy Alexander is Shannon's brother, Ben elopes with Mrs. Robinson's daughter during her wedding, M. Bison was the killer of Chun Li's father, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!

[edit] The Origins of the Story

The story tells of how in 2008 Kim Jong Il accidentally blew up a fireworks factory. This was seen as an act of aggression by everyone else on the planet. The world leaders decided that the only way that they could beat him was to turn the world into a nuclear wasteland so that the radiation would mutate everyone in supersoldiers with laser eyes. Unfortunately the plan did not work and pretty much everyone died of cancer. The remains of human civilisation went to Australia and were divided into two groups. Half of them became farmers and cowards who spent their time being sick and crawling in sand. The other half became 80's style punks and bought second hand quad bikes which they used to run around the desert and rape stuff on. In this scenario God sent his son to put the world back in place but Satan turns him into the insane Kenshiro thus dooming humanity to a perpetual yet mildly amusing apocalypse.

The story then becomes a whole lot more longer and slightly more complicated when, after defeating Shin (Satan) with the Hokuto crucifixion, he comes to realise that God has also put two other sons (what ?) on the Earth: Raoh and Toki. Raoh is more pissed then Kenshiro, but, since he's the incarnation of the wrath and disbelief of God as opposed to super-badass Akira Jesus Kenshiro, he goes around recruiting the bikers to beat up more farmers. Toki is, in the meantime, busy doing something (see below).

[edit] The Raoh arc, essentially the 75 episodes that came after the short Shin arc we all know

During the course of the rest of the story after Shin, (which is five times longer than the orginal story), Kenshiro fights against a reincarnated Richard Dawkins, called Souther, and a man who loves to scoop ice-cream. For a short while, he met a cool, if overrated pretty boy dude called Rei, but Raoh killed him by poking a finger in his ass.

Of course, the story ends with Kenshiro finally defeating Raoh and asserting, after so much wanton violence, that God is a merciful God who forgives all sins. Raoh finally accepts, after recieving a fist that made a hole in his body.

[edit] Fist Of The North Star 2 (There was a 2?!)

Little's known of this arc, except that it involves Kenshiro battling a reincanated Arnold Schwarzeneggar, called Falco.

After this, apparently Raoh came back from the death, painted an X on his face and called himself Kaioh.

[edit] Special Powers

Ken unleashes the Hokuto Defecating blast move

This too is a major change from the first series.

The last thing you feel before Kenshiro blows your head

Kenshiro's powers are not mysterious anymore but he is revealed to be the master of "Hokuto Shinken". This is an advanced mix of Feng Shui, Karate, Thai Cuisine and finger pointing. With the power of one finger Ken can inflate people to hilarious proportions or turn them into paraplegics with a slap on the wrist. Ken is not the only one endowed with divine power. To balance things out and in order not to bore his son he gave other people powers too. This is known as "Nanto Seiken"and is an advanced mix of claps, karate chops, pork chops and french. Nanto specialises in cutting people to ribbons and makes the user make whooshing sounds with his arms. Though different, both schools have one thing in common. Both make people do deifinite sounds when they are being killed. These include "Eiaoouwww", "Kiyahouu", "Otttoowweeeee" and "Hypochondriziffowhizzouww". Most famously, he is known for his mighty attack sequence, the fearsome Hokuto Hyakuretsuken ("ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA"), in which Kenshiro's fists becomes a blur as he rains down a hailstorm of squirrel-like jabs on his opponents.

[edit] The mighty ATATATATATATATA

Kenshiro has decided to make his fearsome technique known to the public. The proper execution of the ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA is deceptively simple. Should you, dear reader decide to learn this fearsome technique, please shout the following phrases in quotes below in a high-pitched, Bruce Lee like voice.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA........"

This is a salute to your opponent. Similar to "Hiken!" in Japanese swordsmanship.

"WAAAAA-TAAAAA!"

Your shirt should also suddenly explode as seven glowing points appear on your chest.

"WAAAAAAAA-CHUUU!"

We're not sure what this is for, but it sounds damn cool.

"ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA-AAAACHA!"

The execution of the Hokuto ATATATATATATATA takes place here. Note the "AAAAA-CHA!" at the end. Normally, this is enough. However:

Note: Should the opponent be tough enough to survive an attack, consider extending the ATATATATATA through this simple sequence by continuing the attack while taking breaths of air between shouts.

Example:

"WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA-

*Breath*

-ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA-

*Breath*

-ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA-AAAACHA!"

Instructional Video by Kenshiro.

[edit] Other Main Characters

Shin: Shin is in fact satan who is in fact the only remnant of Hitler's youth in the 21st century. After stealing Julia from Ken he repeatedly tries to rape her but unbeknownst to him he has been cursed by god and has been given erectile dysfunction. This greatly infuruiates him to the point that he throws Julia off a palace roof into a huge pond of shining piss. When Ken finds this out he kills Shin by Hokuto crucifiction, ie. crucifixion him on a cross of uppercuts.

Batto and Rim: After a hard day of beating people up Ken would like to manhandle a woman's ass, but women are scarce and Ken has no time for courtship either. Instead Ken keeps two children with him at all times, a boy and a girl, to insert his manhood in them occasionally. The children are shown to actually enjoy this and seem to long to be anally violated by Ken. This was shown to be a move by the church to try and introduce the idea of child rape as socially acceptable, cool and enjoyable by both sides.

Raoh: Raoh is Ken's brother and he is even more pissed than Ken. He travels around on a horse and is the embodiment of the wrath and disbelief of God. He pretty much kick's everyone's ass but dies in the end by being punched by Kenshiro.

Toki: When Toki was young his mother used to tell him that if he masturbated he would become old faster. Toki did not believe her and on his 25th birhtday he turned 70 instead. Toki was very sorry but it was too late. Toki continued masturbating frequntly nontheless. He eventually dies after picking up a man who served ice-cream.

Rei: Rei is the reincarnation of Ray Charles. A misogynist with very antiquated views on women, he is also pretty much horny, but is still presented as a good guy because he hangs out with Kenshiro. He dies by being poked in the ass by Raoh during a beautiful music video.

Souther: The reincarnation of Richard Dawkins. As a young kid, Souther killed his teacher, and Souther decided to blame God by stating he didn't exist. He then built a pyramid that he called 'the Blind Watchmaker'. Souther managed to defeat Kenshiro once with the power of logic, but that wasn't enough to stop his fists the second time round.

Falco: Reincarnation of Arnold Schwarzeneggar. He prefers to throw fireballs like no tomorrow. Had the dubious honour of getting utterly PWNT by a no named mook. Hw embarrrasing.

Kaioh: See Raoh...except with an X on hsi face.

[edit] Fun Facts

Fist of the North Star was originally called "Bible 2: Sudden Justice"

The mighty "Steak-Arms" was cut in late production due to fear of offending muslims
A cameo by Jennifer Aniston in episode 52 was cancelled because no one gives a shit about her anymore
A PC Game was developed but the programmers lost the serial number before installing it and up to this day no one has managed to produce a crack, making the game largely unplayable
Many characters were cut from the final production. These include Steak-arms and Tokomatu Yoshihura Motohide who was the spirit of Emperor Hirohito damned to walk the earth for all eternity(or until 2012, whichever came first)
Pope Benedict XVI declared Kenshiro a Saint in 2006
Creationists believe Fist of the North star is a prediction of the future.
I don't.
But it'd be real cool if it were true.
A movie starring Steven Segal was dropped because he could not blow people up with fingers and they lacked funds for any type of special effects.
Kenshiro killed Uwe Boll just to be on the safe side.
You're already dead.