Flapjack
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[edit] The Flapjack Wars
The Flapjack Wars have raged for a millennium behind the scenes of world affairs. The wars, of course, are between the mighty forces of the Flapjack Protectorate and the evil Pancake Guilds.
The wars began around the year 987 A.D. when some French chefs were deciding on the governmentally mandated thickness and size of the favorite breakfast pastry, Flapajackacakes. An argument in a small baking shanty got out of hand and lead to the opening shots of this thousand year long war. A chef that supported the dainty version, thinner and smaller around, grabbed the nearest pancake and smacked his opponent upside the head with it, killing him instantly and flattening his table. An enraged disciple of the fallen chef, grabbed the nearest Flapjack, the thicker, larger version, and punted it at the assailant to avenge his fallen master's table.
Eventually, this small opening skirmish spread to the entire cooking community in France. Civilian casualties were enormous, but an outbreak of the plague covered the true numbers of the deaths. The conflict spread outside France's borders due to it's weak military (go figure). Once outside of France's borders, the war reigned unchecked and has continued to this day.
== What the Fuck Is a Flapjack Anyways? == ITS A GOD DAMN Asshole!!!!!!!!!!1
A Flapjack is the only puntable weapon that can be used against the accursed pancakes. Pancakes are made of generally the same materials as Flapjacks, but the similarities end there. A flapjack is larger in diameter, thicker and has ten times more HP than a pancake. A flapjack is embedded with a mystical seal that gives it its great and undeniable power.
Many great Flapjacks have been created by master artisans throughout the ages. However, many died due to the treachery of the pancake users. Due to this depletion, the Flapjacks have been on the losing side of the war since 1964, when the last Flapjack, Kansas was made.
[edit] The Legendary 48
The Legendary 48 were the last Flapjacks to have been created. In 1964, the greatest Flapjack artisan, Smitty Werben Jegar Man Jensen created the L48, one for each state of the United States. Alaska and Hawaii were never created due to the assassination of Werben Jegar Man Jensen by depraved pancakes. The last Flapjack to be made was the most powerful, Kansas.
The Flapjacks were created in the order as follows: Washington, California, New Mexican workers, George Walker Texas Bush, Indiana Jones, Oregon, Nevada Heard of it, Utah, Michiganders, Wyoming-ing-ing-ing, Montana, Color-ado, Arizona, Oaklandhomo, New Yorkshire, New Hamp, New Jersey, Ark-an-sauce, Vermonty Python, Mass-a-chewsets, Connect-eye-cut, Mine-a-soda, Iowa Dolla, Kentucky Fried Jews, Ten-I-See, Ohio, Northern Carolina, Southern Northern Carolina, Vir-gina, West Vir-gina, Maine, Missery, Georgina, She rode and island, Floridah-potatoes, Al's-bama, Miss-is-hippie, Louisiana, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, Mary-gay-bar-land, Delaware, Illinois, Southern North Dakota, North Southern Dakota, Nebraska, Idaho, Kansas,
The name play is still not understood. It is assumed that Werben Jegar Man Jensen used these coded names to keep his intent secret from the French Flapjack Resistance and the McCarthyists that were still around from the Red Batter Scare. And Marylin Monroe...Damn that stupid pancake-loving whore. Many theories run from who actually dealt the killing blow, but the predominant theory states that Elvis, in a fit of syrup-induced rage took back his Hypocratic Otah and tunred to the Pancake Side, and killed his almighty guru, Smitty Werben Jegar Man Jensen.
[edit] The Pancake Wars Today
Ever since the fateful day in 1964, the Flapjacks have lain low and waited for the time to be right for their return. And today, with the IHOP chain using precious wartime reserves of pancakes to sooth America's ulcers and reap the benefits, the time is now. Collateral Damage will be high those first few weeks, but the Flapjacks will gain momentum as men stand up against the pancake tyranny and avenge their fallen tables after a stray pancake interrupted their morning breakfast, and killed their families. And, on that day, the tables shall be avenged...all those innocent tables from throughout the ages.
