Flies
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Flies are the mortal enemies of horses, and both species have laid waste to thousands of worlds in their quest for the annihilation of their respective arch-nemeses.
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[edit] Early Life
The early life of the fly was unsettled, as its parents kept moving across the country without telling it where they were going. During this time, the fly made few friends, which was made worse by its parents' constant arguing that eventually lead to their divorce. This made the fly a very depressed and malicious creature, which drank often and abused women.
[edit] Antipathy Towards Horses
Flies love pissing off horses, normally by defecating in their eyeballs. Horses take their frustration out on humans, normally by eating their children. Humans respond to this by destroying the environment. The circle of life is a miraculous thing, indeed.
On occasion, horses have been known to dress as flies and infiltrate their ranks to spy on them and sabotage their plans. This was the basic plot-line of Dr. No, where Sean Connery and Arsula Undress received Oscars for their portrayal of a pantomime horse sneaking into the top secret Caribbean hide-out of a really evil fly.
[edit] Identity Crises
The generally disrespectful attitude of the fly community towards horses has led the the ostracism of the horsefly from fly society. Horseflies instead form secretive communities inside hollow trees, in which they painstakingly choreograph and perform surrealist operas which usually feature, as a primary element, the invention of philosophy, the War of 1812, or the use of floss on a regular basis. Legend tells us that, after witnessing one of these operas, Saint Augustine decided that it would be a really good idea to have a nervous breakdown and then write a book about it.
However, young horseflies often suffer difficulties in forming personal identities, and all too many leave home early only to wind up owning large convenience store chains. A great deal has been discussed about the identity crisis suffered by young horseflies, but most analysts have now acknowledged that it really doesn't matter.
[edit] Flies and string theory
Flies are text book examples of pan-dimensional beings, a property first ignored by Niels Bohr because it didn't fit in to quantum theory, but later latched onto by Mark Everett III whilst trying to swat a fly with a newspaper. He noticed no matter how hard he swatted the fly, he would always miss. Like most physicist, the explanation couldn't possibly be 'I'm a crap shot with a newspaper', instead the answer appeared to be a complete rewriting of the laws of physics, complete with hard sums, whereby flies and Everett existed in more than one universe. It was speculated by bohr that in a parallel universe, a triumphant Everett stood as an innumerate seven foot tall quarterback, surrounded by dead flies.
[edit] Flies and Oscar Wilde
“I can never do the buggers up without hurting myself.”
[edit] In Conclusion
Flies are more scared of you than you are of them, but they wouldn't be if they knew about that thing you don't want anyone to find out about. You know what I mean.
The biggest flies and worms farm is run by the lews, which is going for extinction soon due to their tendency to have kids that are gay from the age of 14.
