Flying fuck
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The flying fuck (aka the Angelic Boff, the Faery Fuck, and the Communion of Doves with Other Doves of Different or Perhaps Same Gender) is the 35th sexual position described in the Kama Sutra. This position is considered to be one of the most difficult to achieve. It should not be confused with flying frucks, which are a species of mischievous winged gremlins.
[edit] The Position
In order to achieve the flying fuck, the two partners must first grow magnificent, feathery wings. This can be accomplished through fasting and meditation. The wings may take up to eight months to grow. Winged individuals often find that the right-wing is violent and difficult to control, while the left-wing is soft and snuggly. Once both partners have their wings, they ascend into the sky and fuck like the human race is endangered. Concentration is key at this point, lest the two participants forget to flap continuously and the flying fuck degenerates into the often fatal 36th Kama Sutra position, generally known as the "crash landing fuck" (aka the Human Pizza, Ow-That was my Penis, and The Slow Death Rattle of Patadravya the Idiot). A variation of the position is the "flying wank", which is self-explanatory.
[edit] Historical Flying Fuckers
It is well known that the famous Greek child pornographer Daedalus attempted to perform the flying fuck position on his own son, Icarus. Unfortunately, while Daedalus was sodomizing his son, they both flew too close to the sun and erupted in flames, which goes to show that pedophiles can't fly and have sex at the same time, not unlike Gerald Ford.
The flying fuck achieved the height of its popularity (pun intended) in fifth-century Athens, where it was customary to give a flying fuck to visitors from Sparta. Plato's Symposium describes this tradition in detail. The Spartans, ashamed and angry about being molested by winged lechers, attacked Athens in 431 B.C., starting the Pelopr0nnisian War.
In modern times, most people don't have the time to spend eight months meditating in order to grow wings, and so the position has largely fallen out of favor. Some argue that couples who copulate in airplanes are in fact engaging in a "flying fuck", but true devotees of the Kama Sutra know this to be utter bollocks, as it is the plane, not the couple, that is flying.
“I went to the police, but they said they didn't give a flying fuck! (Sobs uncontrollably)”
~ Amy Webber on Randy Orton shagging her quite hard against her consent.
