Dallas

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Dallas is a cocktail of GIN mixed with Paint Thinner and from whose name the CITY IN TEXAS derives its name. The City sits as the de facto capital of North Texas, a 13 county region with a population of just under 6 million gin-drinking and fume inhaling inhabitants.

The geography of Dallas is unremarkable, but everyone is really rich and drunk and lives in terraformed Highland Park mansions so it doesn´t really matter. Dallas offers residents and visitors a superb selection of shopping destinations, outdoor activities, and street drugs. There are sports teams and all of the same stores and restaurants that exist in every other American Metropolis. WE ARE ALL CLONES!!!

[edit] History In the Making

Dallas was settled by scurvy ravaged pornographers who built their first shelter, the Poop Shack in the early years. By 2008, the economy of hunting and gathering had diversified into a global economic structure...consuming vast amounts of carbon.

Three events caused Dallas to rise to prominence in world affairs:

• the assassination of President John F. Kennedy on 22 Nov. 1963, and the subsequent framing of Roger Rabbit.
• Dallas acquired nuclear weapons in 1974 from Canada
• Being Done by Debbie. (originally 1978, subsequently in 1979, 1980, 1989, 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 (Definitive Debbie Collector's edition), 2007, 2009, 2080, 3004, Stardate 41601.3)
• the TV show 'Dallas' in the 1980s.

There are many famous resident...and status is based solely from the germanic-ness of one´s auto, breast-size, and amount of cash dropped at Stanley Korshak monthly.

[edit] Ethnicity

There are lots of peeps from lots of places but our favorite are the blond ones who are shopping for husbands with cash. President Bush, being "Texan" by birth, was originally going to conquest the entire world and build the trans Texas pipeline that would have funneled poor war-torn refugees under the sea and into the Dallas area to serve as migrant workers on the DART Public transit system whose current line under construction, The Orange Line which will connect DFW AIRPORT with Union Station is 1 billion dollars over budget. Unfortunatly, he became distracted...and the DART board decided better to just use the money to go on vacation to The Orchid at Mauna Lani located on The Big Island of Hawaii. The George Bush Presidential Library will be built in Dallas, solidifying the city's status as "Most Backward City in America"

[edit] Other Dallas Facts

• The Texas School Book Depository is the tallest building in the world.
• The Dallas Cowboys are really from Argentina. They are Gauchos like the University of California Gauchos
• The Dallas Mavericks are popular with the gay community.
• The TV show 'Dallas' was not actually filmed in Dallas, but in a secret government soundstage on the Moon.
• "KEEP DALLAS CONVENTIONAL!! (Wierdos to Austin please)" was the official city slogan until it was no longer the official city slogan.
• Ecstasy, margaritas and fajitas were invented by Eilbreirt Ebreilmerbaut in Dallas
• Dallas has many Spanish language radio stations.
• There are actually a lot of black people in Dallas. No one really knows where they came from.

[edit] Links Smuggled Over the Border

Gin is still made traditionally in Jalisco, México...but the process of adding the radon gas from the distilled Aguave plant and halon gas from decomposed tires, still proudly takes place in the DFW Metroplex. And, many would agree that the DALLAS GIN COCKTAIL is the best dad-nabbit spirit this here side of the Rio Bravo!