Fraserburgh
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Fraserburgh, is a town in North East Scotland and is the region's drug capital (if by "drug" you mean asprin). It doesn't smell of fish nearly as bad as its neighbour Peterhead.
It is named after Brendon Fraser, in honour of the local residents' favourite pastime of watching Due South on their Sky televisions. It is also known as The Broch, which is generally an excuse to spit on the English as described later. The residents are in turn known as Brochers, Puddlestinkers or "scum" if you're from Peterhead.
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[edit] Motto
"Come to die in Fraserburgh, where it's so cold you won't feel a thing"
[edit] Lighthouses
The town takes it's nickname from the local Iron Age broch which was originally built to warn passing Viking longboats that Fraserburgh was nearby, saving them from the dire craic (or crack would be more appropriate in this context) that the town has to offer. Therefore archaeologists believe that Fraserburgh Broch was built as a primitive lighthouse which used an olympic style torch until the late 1940s and maintained up until the 1960s when it was replaced by the new and improved Kinnaird lighthouse.
Having a wide variety of lighthouses, this cluster of structures was later advertised as a lighthouse museum. It then became the Scottish Lighthouse Museum when engineer Robert Louis Stephenson (who is also famous for writing the book Hamlet) donated his grandfather's famous Bell Rock lighthouse to the museum which now has several full-size original and replica lighthouses which now line the Fraserburgh coast. Here visitors can walk from lighthouse to lighthouse over an afternoon and see what it was like to man each of these unique buildings. The museum's most recent addition, The Cape Wrath Lighthouse has also been recently loaned to the museum and so visitors are urged to take advantage of this opportunity before it has to be returned to Sutherland early next year.
[edit] Tourist Attractions
Local features include
- Fraserburgh Broch - The north-east's premier Iron Age dry stone structure
- Lighthouse Museum (no, really)
- Fish Museum - Do you like Hadduck? Do you like Cod? Then come and see our collection at the Scottish Fish Museum.
- the only club in Scotland where it's safe to go after pulling the girlfriend of a man from Peterhead
- the rehung Gardens of Babylon
- the only school in Scotland with a guard tower
- Laudy Miss Claudies Pleasure Palace ( Aid's Centeral)
- not being Blackpool
[edit] Trade
- sheep import and export
- old socks for new
- fish that the Spanish haven't got to first
- The "N" volumes of various encyclopedii
- foreigners coming in from different countries..dirty cunts
[edit] Fish
Do you like fish? Then the people of Fraserburgh would like to hear from you, all of them being automatic members of the world wide fish appreciation federation (WoWFish) and looking for friends.
Thanks to the European fishermen (especially Spanish ones) stealing all the fish, those in Fraserburgh have been given the wonderful opportunity to diversify, now scouring the sea for other creatures and objects. Recent trade has included Olympic swimmers, shiny things for export to countries hooked on mind-altering drugs, and four pound black-ribbed knobblers, which sound sort of like fish but really aren't.
[edit] Local Language
Anyone who has ever visited Fraserburgh and lived to tell the tale will know of it's unique dialect. Whereas normal scots requires a person to merely gargle while talking occasionally resulting in spit reaching the person being addressed, a Brocher is required to send oral mucus a minimum of 10 metres. This was largely introduced by William Wallace as a defence mechanism against English soldiers in the early 1300s, though Wallace was known to have regetted the move in later life after contracting 5 variants of facial herpes following a dinner party in Fraserburgh.
This is probably a contributing factor to the locals larger than average ears (big lugs)as they struggle to understand even their neighbours dialect, and will frequently spit "fits at yer sayin?"
