Fred Durst
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“Mr. Durst is accused of forcefully sticking his cookie up my client's nookie. We are currently seeking monetary retribution for this horrible crime...”
~ Gloria Allred on her client Oscar Wilde's allegations of sexual assault against Fred Durst
“Fred Durst needs to stop caring about black people”
~ Kanye West on Fred Durst
Contents |
[edit] Early Life, Athletics Career
When Fred durst was just a 12 year old girl, he discovered that he had many great talents, Running Being one of them.. Whilst being chased down the street by bullies, Fred discovered that he could run faster that any other disabled person on his street. Freds mother became quickly aware of this talent and entered him into the Special Olympics.. Freds Special Olympics Career was short lived..
After being lapped twice in the 100 Meters Egg and Spoon race, The Organisers of the event were led to believe that fred was even too retarded for the Special Olympics.... But it was not all bad news.. Fred was entered into the Special Olympics B Division, (A Special Division for rare cases just like freds) Where he won every race.. Instead of medals the organisers decided to give Fred a music Career (Just to keep him happy).. But the plan went horribly wrong when Fred gained masses of mentally retarded and Fat Disfigured fans all over the world, Fred and his band did a benefit gig For the "Limp Dicked Pensioners Assocition" And while playing a game of Soggy Biscuit Backstage with the band, It was that Moment He Came up with the clever name Limp Bizkit
Fred Durst (a.k.a talentless 50 year old moron whos too immature even for retarded 8 year olds who enjoy low brow humor, dressing like a long uninterrupted bowel movement and awful music) calls himself the 'Chocolate Starfish.' By giving you this information we do not mean to insinuate that Fred Durst is gay. Even though he is. Uh, gay that is. Go ahead, ask me how gay Fred Durst is.
Fred Durst, front-man of rap I Can't Believe It's Not Metal legends Limp Bizkit, was born in the arms of a wise woman lost in India in the 1970s. His past name derives from the German word "Durst" [doo-ah-st], which basically means "thirst for semen". Not much is known of Durst's childhood, but some speculate that he spent many years training under Buddhist monks who derived their powers of worship from simple rhyming and occasional shouting. He also learnt the legendary martial arts technique known as the Full Nelson.
The son of a wigger, Durst was raised in Indianapolis, India, where he lived until his teens. I and his wife had one daughter, Amy Lee, but the couple was divorced soon after Durst discovered that his wife had a sexual intercourses during their marriage. He was later incarcerated for a month for sexually assaulting his wife's brother's nookie.
In his 20s, Durst left India for the United States of America. After growing up seeing scenes of great adventure and excitement in America, Durst knew this was the place for him. Henceforth, he became an American citizen, forgoing his Buddhist and martial arts training for the life of a performer.
Fred was discovered during the Special Olympics "Battle of the Bands". He is widely considered the first mentally retarded poser rapper, because of this he was recruited to George W. Bush's band I Think Satan Likes Your Mom, who broke up very quickly after his arrival in the band.
After teaching Christopher Walken the secrets of the Full Nelson, Durst was encouraged to register his hands as deadly weapons by the Los Angeles Police Department. Durst did so unwillingly, and swore never to use these deadly techniques again. However, one day in a fit of rage Durst used the deadly Full Nelson technique, The Tiger's Fearsome Wang, on his drummer, killing him instantly. Durst knew his career was finished, and slipped into the Los Angeles underground where he met a team of scientists who were willing to work for him to create his own space programme.
Years later, the true nature of Durstia was discovered.
The rest is history.
On April 1st, 2005, he changed his name to fredurst after changing the name of his band to a single word without any capitals., "limpbizkit". This trend has been followed by other exciting, popular bands, such as yourcodenameismilo, marilynmanson and tool.
He is well known for eating poor women alive after harassing them for hours with his terrible (c)rap
Fred Durst still hasn't tidied his room. If you look closely, you will notice on his red cap that it says, "I love Barbie."
[edit] Proof Fred Durst is a homosexual
Rollin
Alright partner...keep on rollin' baby You know what time it is (Throw yo hands up)
(Ladies and gentlemen) Chocolate Starfish Keep on rollin' baby
Move in now move out Hands up now hands down Back up back up Tell me what you're gonna do now
Breath in now breath out Hands up now hands down Back up back up Tell me what you're gonna do now
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' (x4)
Now I know ya'll be lovin this shit right here L.I.M.P Bizkit is right here People in the house with them hands in the air Cause if you don't care then we don't care One two three time zoom to the 6 Jonesin for you picks of the Limp Bizkit mix So where the fuck you at punk? Shut the fuck up And back the fuck up Before we fuck this track up (Throw yo hands up)
Move in now move out Hands up now hands down Back up back up Tell me what you're gonna do now
Breath in now breath out Hands up now hands down Back up back up Tell me what you're gonna do now
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' (x4)
YOU wanna mess with the Bizkit? - Yeah You can't mess with the Bizkit - Why? Cause we get it on - When? Everyday and everynight - Oh See this platnuim thing right here - Uh-Hu Well we're doin it all the time - Wha? So you better get some better beats And uh, get some better rhymes - Doh!
We got the game set So don't complain yet 24/7 never begin for a raincheck Old school soldiers Blastin out the hot shit That rock shit Let 'em bounce in the mosh pit (Throw yo hands up)
Move in now move out Hands up now hands down Back up back up Tell me what you're gonna do now
Breath in now breath out Hands up now hands down Back up back up Tell me what you're gonna do now
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' (x4)
Hey ladies Hey fellas And the people that don't give a fuck All the lovers all the haters And all the people that call themselves playas Hot mammas, pimp daddies And the people rollin' in the Caddies Hey rockers, hip-hoppers And everybody all around the world
Move in now move out Hands up now hands down Back up back up Tell me what you're gonna do now
Breath in now breath out Hands up now hands down Back up back up Tell me what you're gonna do now
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' (x4)
Move in now move out Hands up now hands down Back up back up Tell me what you're gonna do now
Breath in now breath out Hands up now hands down Back up back up Tell me what you're gonna do now
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' (x4)
By the end of the song, and having looked at the lyrics, we realise this is perhaps Dursts way of showing he understands how his body works, and indeed that he is also beginning to understand how to use his body like a regular human being. "Rollin'"is a song about when he was indeed confined for several years to a wheelchair, after suffering crippling injuries to his colon from a certain web-journalist. This punctured colon, followed by a ruptured intestine caused his thick blood to congeal around the base of his spine, this paralysing him, and raising his voice by a semitone or 2, in a non-challant attempt to emulate Eminem. He also hopes this song will raise disabled awareness, and as quoted last September: "Music will bring us together"
[edit] The Sex Change
Fred was originally born a young black female named Sheronica. Once he achieved the age of 12 he had the 'ole vagina sewn up and a penis inserted(an incredibly small one at that). So now Fred Durst lives the fake life of a man.
[edit] I mean, seriously
could it be more accurate?
no
