Freddy Krueger

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“Poser.”

~ Wolverine on Freddy Kruger

“Agreed.”

~ Edward Scissorhands on the above comment

“Since the day I asked him to scratch my back... I regret it.”

~ Ronald Reagan on Freddy Krueger

“Freddy’s a god damn sexual tyrannosaurs!… Just like me!”

~ Jesse Ventura on Freddy Krueger

Creator of Microsoft Charity Foundation, Freddy Krueger is a world renowned philantropist, a Wikipedian, younger brother to Robby Krieger of the Doors, and older brother to Chad Kroeger of Nickelback. He has raised money for virtually every single misfortunate child he had ever found on the street. He has given money to hobos who have allegedly bought beer and drugs with it. Krueger laughs at this notion, thinking its all lie because he's so nice...sure it is...right...

[edit] Early Life

Fredrick Douglas MaCarthur "T-Bone" Krueger was born into a loving family on Elm Street. The exceptional thing was that he had one hundred fathers, a lot more than common people. Well, actually they were stepfathers, but that's another story. This of course made his mom, Amanda Krueger, formerly a nun, the biggest whore to ever walk the earth since the heydays of the Whore of Babylon. For this he was often taunted by other children in school, saying "Son of a hundred maniacs, son of a hundred maniacs" and "Your mom is a filthy whore llll in love, your mom is a filthy whore in love". Poor kid. His mother couldn't stand the pressure of being the only woman in the vast family, so she took her life through strangulation. Freddy's first words were "One...Two....Freddy's coming for you...". His family thought it was cute. When he was in his teens, his entire body was burned when his car exploded in an elaborate hit and run involving OJ Simpson, a rubber chicken, and many metals. The metals were melded onto his hand, and his body covered in nineteenth degree burns. After spending 10 years in a coma, he awoke.

He realized how much pain and suffering he endured, so he decided to start charity with a lemonade stand. It was only a month later the Board of Health closed the stand due to the "secret ingredient" of the lemonade. He started a snow cone stand, but it was shut down for the "secret ingredient" in both the lemon snow cone and the chocolate snow cone.

Freddy later started up a small charity business called Elm Street Charity in 1984. His partners in the business were fellow philanthropists as Michael Myers, Ash Williams, and However, he had competition against him.

A lustful stockholder of his company, Jason Voorhees, and his mother, were buying out stock of the company. They desired to add this charity to the massive string of companies known as Crystal Lake Publishing. Krueger and Jason had many conflicts, including one that took place in the base of operations. Freddy managed to kick the crap out of Jason. Jason then sent the case to court!

At court, Jason tried to get Freddy in jail. However, Freddy and his makeshift attorney Ash Williams (Also, see above, a member of his company) managed to turn the tables on Jason, and send him to jail. Jason spent 30 years in prison with conjugal visits with his secret lover, whom will be revealed later in this article, and Mister Rogers.

The next competitor for Freddy was a silk company owner named Pinhead. He desired to use the Charity for finance for a new brand of silk. He used his "queer" charm in order to woo over Michael Myers. However, Michael embezzled money from Pinhead, running him out of business!

Finally, Freddy's Charity was bought in one sudden swoop by Microsoft. The Charity retained all its former glory, but also required a partial tax to Microsoft. Freddy didn't complain, as long as he could "help my children!!!"

[edit] Currently

Freddy lives on Elm Street with his wife Stacy Ferguson, teenage children Jen and Spencer, and dog Ash. He has formed a friendship with Pinhead, and has placed a 666 mile restraining order on Jason. He has officially claimed that he will press charges against Leatherface, a former criminal involved in the famous Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The sue will be filled to Supreme Court within the next year. He was exposed last year for having an affair with young teenager, Lori Campbell, who revealed Freddy got her pregnant. His wife divorced him for this, although he claimed he was extremely drunk and that she took advantage of him. Upon learning that his oldest daughter, Jen, was secretly seeing Jason Voorhees during his thirty-year stay in prison, Freddy was outraged. He then turned his anger on his now ex wife Stacy, because of her knowledge of the affairs and because she had done nothing about them. She had Freddy arrested on assault charges.