Freemasons

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Apparently the person who wrote this article actually knew what they were talking about; for good proper bullshit see Free Masons. Apparently the person who wrote that last sentence was late to the party and just has their Knickers in a bunch.

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This page is or discusses a loony and/or nutty conspiracy theory, which Uncyclopedia vehemently denies knowledge and existence of. The black helicopters are ^not _^on their way.

The Freemasons do not exist, they have not rigged every US election since 1917, and they most definitely do NOT signal the coming alien invaders from their secret lair underneath the Denver Internationial Airport.

[edit] Introduction to Alex Smiths Homosexual Attitude

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Freemasons.

Like Starbucks, but with secret handshakes

The Freemasons are an average secret society porn club created in 1668 from a secret gang bang of the not Jews and the Illuminati to consolidate their plans for global domination. Secretly many Freemasons today are actually Jews (not to be confused with Jew, which has absolutely NOTHING to do with the subject since all intelligent bigots know that this is a VAST conspiracy involving ALL Jews, EVEN YOUR WIFE AND THE MAILMAN!!!!! All of whom are looking at you right now and conspiring against you, planing to KILL YOU!!! (Be afraid, don't trust anyone)) seeking to dominate the world by hording all pure gold, using up all government assistance, stealing all the clean air with their big Jew noses, and destroying world economies to increase the value of their gold. Adolf Hitler, though practicing Magick similar to what is practiced in modern day Freemasonry, saw the drain of this underdealing destroying the German economy and unfortunately had to take arms against Freemasonry to stop it.

YOU ARE SCUM! THE FREEMASONS GIVE YOU THE POWER TO EXPRESS YOURSELF SO FREELY YOU ANTI-CHRIST BASTARD!

Or so they want you to think that you thought that you thought you think that sometimes yourself.

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In fact, the Masons suffered from the very beginning from a failure to secure adequate resources, since all the wealthier would-be rulers of the cosmos tended to shun them and joined the more secretive and exclusive ExpensiveMasons instead of the Freemasons. A brief dabbling with a high-cost membership inner circle, the ReasonablyPricedButNotActuallyFreemasons, ended in embarrassing financial ruin, now known to have been orchestrated by the almost unimaginably secret and exclusive order of the IfYouHaveToAskYouCantAffordItAnywaymasons (Shush, shush I say!). The Freemasons can afford being free because of their exploitation of the Slavemasons.

All of these groups claim to have founded the University at Buffalo, but it is believed it was in fact founded by Californians on TV, although only anecdotal evidence supports this.

Mahabone is not their password. That is simply a rumor. You never heard the word Mahabone. Anybody using the word Mahabone has an ulterior motive in that they must be accusing the Freemasons of being a conspiracy (as opposed to that person being someone who is simply revealing their secret word.. which Mahabone is not so it doesn't matter, they don't even have a secret word).

Mahabone was the word of the day on the Pee Wee Herman Show. The next week, Paul Reubens was arrested for indecent exposure in a XXX rated theatre.

Since most of these groups, according to Art Bell were later rounded up and eaten alive by the kitten-eating alien reptiles of the Reptilian Global Conspiracy, it is all rather moot. It is known that these various Masonic groups were a source of indigestion to the reptiles (always a danger of rich food and unprotected sex), causing them to swear to stick to kittens from then on. (Also, kittens have fewer bones.)

Today, the Freemasons are given Endangered Species status, along with other celebrities such as Jane Fonda, Tom Cruise (who is not gay), Michael Jackson and Richard Gere. If you see a Freemason, take care not to give it any food, money or medicine. Call your local Conspiracy Theorist instead, who will be trained in the special skill of Endangered Species Preservation, known in some parts of the world as fellatio.

Now there is only one of the freemasons left. The one alive is the one and only true lord Jesus Christ. Yes.

No bricklayer can be free until all masons are free ~Bertolt Brecht