Frying

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“No taste on Earth—not the savoriness of the best meat nor the sweetness of the best wine—can beat the flavor of fried.”

~ Oscar Wilde

Frying is a chemical process by which any substance is catalyzed into an edible and tasty snack. The process of frying was initially discovered by scientists under the Nazi regime. It was later perfected by the United States government in the 1950s as a possible method of creating food supplies in a post-atomic war scenario. Should an apocalypse occur in the near future, frying will be useful method for rendering rubble, dirt, and corpses into edible (and tasty) food.

1 Description of the Chemical Process
2 Examples
3 Supertastitivity
4 Examples
5 See Also

[edit] Description of the Chemical Process

The frying process begins with any type of matter: i.e. protein, bone, cellulose, styrofoam, plastic, rubber, or prions. The matter is immersed in a catalyst made from lipids. Once heat is applied, frying converts all matter into mostly edible and completely tasty food by infusing the molecules within with tastyons, elementary particles which transmit tastiness. The table below shows the versatility of the frying process.

[edit] Examples

Effects of Frying on Different Materials
PRE-FRYING	POST-FRYING

Starchy and tasteless tuber	Delicious side dish

Malodorous bulbs	Delicious and fun side

Icky bland awful vegetable	Tasty appetizer

Bland fungal growth	Delicious appetizer

Disgusting ground grain goo	Yummy artery clogger

Disease-carrying fowl	Yummy picnic entrée

Filthy bottom-feeder	Fine dinner entrée

Icky slimy amphibian	Finger-licking finger food

Disgusting slimy sea creature	Yummy appetizer

Pompous blowhard	Scrumptious meze/sex toy

[edit] Supertastitivity

When the frying process is applied to a substance that is already tasty, the tastyon density reaches a critical density, resulting in unusual quantum effects. The tastyons form virtual pairs which travel freely without any loss of energy. At this stage, a unique phenomenon called supertastitivity occurs. Supertastitivity represents a new frontier in frying physics, and many of the properties of a supertastitive substance are poorly understood. However, usually, when a substance achieves supertastitivity, it becomes too much of a good thing.